Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VI

I want to tell you that I've decided that I like you...I don't know if its my age or how many therapists I've been through or just the cosmic timing of it all but I feel your approach is something I've needed for some time. Having said that, I am a shaking, walking panic-attack since our session. We unlocked something and I can't put it away....I want to schedule another session for later this week but I don't have the guts to call and ask you.

Dear T,

I said I would leave you in peace and not email you in the break, and I'm actually going to stick to that. But I need to put this somewhere: thank you, so much, for today, for making it okay that I told you. Thank you for understanding me and answering all my questions.

Dear t
My anxiety is through the roof today

Dear T

I am scared of what the future holds

Dear T,

I trust you enough that if you asked me to go to the crisis unit I would, without arguing. I'm so scared to tell you that I trust you that much. I don't want you to use it against me later. I may keep it a secret. I know we have to talk about it tomorrow but I don't want to.


MM

Dear MC,

It's not happening..

Thanks though,
Healed

Dear T,
I hate to admit I depend on you, but I do. I trust you and as angry as I am about our last session, I need your guidance in working through all the stuff that just came up.
Please have a session available....
Me.

Dear T.........

Dear T, Yes you do!!! I know it and I appreciate it!! Love, Me

dear t,

i hope you'd understand that it's sometimes hard for me to concentrate on what you're saying and so i drift off into my own world....

Dear T,

I'm sorry that I'm not getting better. I know that you're trying hard. I don't mean to keep making mistakes and failing you. I'm sorry for always being so sorry.

Gah, I miss you terribly. I read something recently, about how absence makes the heart grow frantic, then frozen. That so applies to me.

Dear T,

I think you're finally starting to see the real me after 11 months together. There's a lot more to me behind the smile that I show you each week. You're slowly breaking me down and it scares the heck out of me.

And MC with the other T in the office this week was terrifying. Some of the bad stuff from my childhood (that we've both been purposely not working on yet) was brought up and not by me. Now I'm even more of an emotional wreck. Hope you're ready for me after you get back from your relaxing vacation. I'm so sorry.

Also, I can't stop checking my email.

Thank you for fitting me in tomorrow.

Thankyou for phoning me today, im terrfied you will termiate me in a couple months. You think im makig progress that i may not need you in a few months and group. Makes me so sad.I just lost my Grandpa ii feel the world is crashing down on me!

T
I saw what you did last session. remember I'm a trained counsellor too.

Dear T,

Thank you for the past 3 years. Although there has been many ups and downs, there has also been good times as well. I look forward to another year working with you. Maybe this will be the year that I finally have that breakthrough you have been wanting me to get to!

Squiggle

Dear T,

You are asking too much.

I think about maybe taking my Easter break starting now, but fear that in your eyes I would sink, disappear without a trace, and you'd just give someone else my time slot and go on.

Does that make any sense at all?

SAWE

I really really do not want to come tomorrow. What nerve I have after emailing twice since Monday.

Reaching out, then refusing to talk.

But I don't want to talk. I want to come home from work and sleep.

Dear T,

I'm feeling like a huge failure. My anxiety was super high when I got done with work. I told myself if I was still feeling yucky after I took a hot bath, then I would let myself have a drink. Well, one drink turned into several, and me getting drunk. Even though I didn't cut, I feel like the drinking was a form of or a substitute for self harm. I wish I had more effective coping methods for when my anxiety level gets that high, but I don't. The skills we talked about help some for mild-moderate anxiety, but not the severe level that it was at tonight. I know that pdoc would give me prn Ativan, but at this point I'm hesitant to ask him for it (due to infertility treatments and the possibility of a pregnancy in the near future). My next appointment with pdoc isn't until May, so if the infertility treatment doesn't work, then I will probably ask for it. Monday seems so far away.

Holy hell, T, I'm drunk. And feeling good, which is nice. But I still miss you like a sum*****. I can't stop thinking it. I miss you. I love you too, but I'm way too gun shy to say that evah again. And so.

Dear T I had a few beer last night cant stop the pain, tears an fustration i feel.Please do not terminate me. I will try to open up about my past April 2.

Dear T,

truth is, even though we've just started CBT, i already have the nagging feeling that it won't help me. i feel so aimless in therapy, i don't feel like i'm going anywhere. my suicidality has been intensifying ever since i last met you, up to the point where i would like to say my last goodbyes after i met you this coming week. the thing is: i don't know whether i should tell you. i'm a wreck and i don't think i can be ironed out.

Dear T. i really don't want to go today. especially in the day time. what ever nerve i had to say yes is now gone. i need it to be dark so i can hide. please don't make me regret coming again. i think i will. need to have three rotten appts in a row before i get one nice one. and this will be number three. next appt will be better. where will i park. i am so scared i really want ot hide. i will be sitting on the floor again. i am sorry. i won't stay long.