Couch 51 - They also serve

um this is probably a silly question but what do we talk about in this thread? I mean, what is the point of this thread?

Did T say in what way you were being harmful, critical, judgmental etc.? (Quite the list of adjectives he concocted there!)

I just don't think I could look him in the eye either Mue and I think I probably would've shut down if I were you. You were very brave. My T has shut me down a time or two, but she always comes around, apologizes and sees her part in what the problem was so we've been able to repair what harm has been done.

Sounds like your T values "his" group over you. That would tick me off big time.

Granite it is not silly at all. You should celebrate your awesomeness and enjoy this moment. It is a big brave thing that you did in giving the letter to T.

Support, friendship, advice, care, laughs ... What's the point of anything?

so it's just a place to hang out? Almost like the thread wars in the game forum or even the social chat forums and chat rooms?

Yes, he used those words exactly. He said that because of how I was being critical, dismissive and judgmental towards him, he stopped being willing to try hard for me. And that he needed to protect the group because I was intending to be harmful to the group. All because I was trying to address his behavior towards me.

He once told me that when someone is open and willing to learn about themselves, they will take in feedback no matter how poorly it's delivered. Yet, apparently, that only applies to other people - not him. He turns it into a character assassination, falls off the deep end, and then denies every word that I relay back to him in our next session and tells me that was my "perception" and not what he actually said. Or, he says that I hear it in a certain way because of "my past history". Never does he take ownership for his behavior. Never.

And the xgrpcoT that I talked to who works with him every day said she has had the same experiences with him personally AND has heard many others approach her with the very same issue. All women who are trying to be assertive.

WARNING WARNING

i am PUI ing posting under the influence

i will behave right i will behave i will behave

i love you all.

Yes correct... Welcome , its a good bunch and all are very supportive. This place means a bunch to me. its my virtual cheers or coffee shop

thanks murry .it is kind of a double edged thing . lots of emotions .she said a lot . she is not a bad T . one thing she said that was like wow to me was that she sees a huge disconnect with me and other people and that can be something that causes me to not feel compassion for myself .don't know how that works. made me feel like a monster again. you see i am feeling good about giving her my letter but it is hard .

thanks I've wanted to post here before but wasn't sure if I would add anything of value to the conversation.

We love you too granite

everyone has value here really .welcome

Mue- maybe if you approached the subject with T in a way that focused on you instead of him his heart would soften some and he'd hear you better. (Sucks that you'd have to do that with a T because they are supposed to be doing that for you, but he is human too i guess and could get caught up in taking it personally I guess.)

Maybe if you said something along the lines of 'I feel like' ...... instead of "you said"..... he could hear it better. KWIM?

agreed! Welcome!

You were very brave!

Hello and welcome.

It's where we get to know each other better without having to worry about hijacking or being off topic.

Well...trying not to freak out about the emails I sent to T this afternoon/evening. Trying to tell myself it will be okay. No, I was not under the influence of anything (alcohol, cool whip, weed, etc.) I just couldn't turn on my impulse control.

Well, I should probably get to bed. I have another early morning. Workign with my dad tomorrow, have to be at his shop at 8am. Here's hoping he won't bring up my mental health and how I choose to get help for it.

Night.

Night Squirrel.

thanks

i hope your T e-mails back tomorrow so you can relax and truely know it is ok. it will be ok .a few e-mails never hurt anyone ,right. if you are allowed to e-mail i think it is a great way to let you T know the hard stuff. you know the stuff you just will never be able to speak out loud

OMG....xgrpcoT had a thought and ran it by me. She said that since my earliest trauma was when I was at a very young age and I might have been less verbal because of communicating with my parents in sign, maybe that would explain feeling unable to speak when I'm triggered or feeling unsafe. And maybe I could consider looking into signing during those times, or seeking Ts that use ASL.

I never thought of that, but it does make total sense. It makes me feel really sad though that my T just calls it unwillingness when it could be a real, viable issue.

MUE - he may no longer have the skills and training to help you. His thing with the jewelry and now this about the group and you is just weird to me.

Granite - good to give the letter.

Headed out tomorrow to wyoming...cried when I left my sister n nephews, ill cry in the am when I leave grandma

Was it a nice visit for you Lola?

She sounds good. Can you see her?