Couch 51 - They also serve

That idea has me feeling so heartbroken. Shortly after marriage counseling ended and I pushed through getting divorced, I witnessed an event that triggered a huge amount of flashbacks for me. I went in to T's office (this was within the first few months of doing individual therapy with him after him being our MC for a very short time) and dumped a lot of my sordid past on him that I was being flooded with.

He told me that we would be working on these issues for a long time and never once did he let on that he wasn't capable or interested in handling it.

I honestly believe that if I just stay compliant and never challenge him or question him, things would be fine. That just doesn't seem like a healthful thing to do.

I wish I would've known this before investing 4 years with him, during which time I lost my my marriage, my friends, some of my family, my job - leaving me dependent on him for emotional support.

FML

Sounds like you are seriously thinking of moving on.

He may not recognize his own limitations. I am sorry it has left you heartbroken.
Never questioning or challenging etc a therapist and remaining compliant is a super bad plan I think. They are not gods or a parent to the client, they do not know everything and should (but of course do not always) recognize such.

Gods and parents should be challenged, too!

Mue - have you and t ever talked about win-win, win-lose, lose-lose? My t and I have in terms of my mother's view of relationships, but we have also talked about his being defensive. The other ts in his practice have to keep working with your t, but I try to keep a "I have nothing to lose" mentality with my t. I don't mean I'm rude, but I don't want to sweep things under the rug. I want practice in talking out the really difficult disagreeable stuff in a relationship. It's not for t necessarily to decree what's "right" - what is important is to maintain a connection without either kowtowing to the other. But it doesn't sound like he's up for that? But do you ask him exactly this directly? I'm sorry the harmful thing wasn't pursued in group - I think it should have been. Not swept under the rug.

MUE, my T has mentioned this idea. The abuse started when I was SO young (by my mother's own admission, it started when I was literally in the cradle), that I had no ability then or now to attach words to it.

Hankster... I couldn't get the earrings in myself so I went to a shop in the mall and had them pierce my ears again. I'm so happy...

Another store was having a sale and I bought matching necklace, earrings and bracelet... I absolutely love them... unfortunately I think the metalic and black are too busy to go with my black and white pattern dress but I'm keeping them anyway and will look for more of a solid black jewelry to match the dress... its been over 15 years since I have even tried to accessorize anything...

I also bought self tanning lotion. A very good brand in the makeup section of the department store.. tried a little on my wrist... brown not orange.. yeah.. tomorrow...my legs..

pediacure scheduled for tomorrow after work... I haven't bought anything for myself unless something I already had needed to be replaced...

My H doesn't know what to think...

Anyone know a good way to lessen a cold sore cheaply? I usually use Lysine, Vit C and acyclovir cream but have neither (and both are sooo expensive) and a big weekend ahead with exams after that.

I have used teabags to help. I rarely get cold sores, but I eat more yogurt and put tea bags on them when I do. I don't know if it really makes them heal faster, but to me the teabag makes them feel better.

There is a medication here in US called Abreva that works wonders. Not sure what medicine is really in it though.

Thanks, my PC friends.

I am really hoping I can approach T in a way where he'd be willing to really take a look at himself and see how his actions are affecting me. I don't know how to do that without pointing out real examples - and it seems that those examples are what sets him off. He accuses me of being critical when I am merely repeating statements that he's made. He accuses me of provoking him when I am trying to address a really serious roadblock in our relationship. He accuses me of taking things out of context when I tell him word for word what was said.

I bet if I told him I recorded our phone conversation, he would terminate me right then and there - and tell me that I am threatening him or trying to set him up to hurt him legally or some bs like that.

I am not doing any of that. I just want to work through this so I can get back to a place of feeling safe enough with him to do the hard work.

It's sad that I have to figure out how to delicately approach my own T. I thought I was the client and he was the professional.

Another major irony.....

He posted the following on our group notes which directly speaks to what I am experiencing with him - and what he's basically refusing to see in himself. Go figure.

"Sometimes others find our behavior familiar, even comforting, while other times it touches off our most guarded vulnerabilities. Sometimes we see others mirroring what we do and we may have a strong adverse reaction to it, not realizing we aren’t liking this within ourselves....It was also pointed out tonight how our work can directly conflict with the work of another, both people feeling strongly about what they need and slighted by another who is not willing or able to provide it. In most instances, we receive patience from others if we seem curious and interested in what they need from us, even more acceptance if we can own our resistance to the other’s needs. Our instinct is often to blame the other for the perceived threat and out springs our protective mechanisms, many of which are outdated and ineffective for maintaining contact."

Mue - you're assuming he's not referring to himself, but he could well be. The trick is to not rub his nose in it, let him save face, but at the same time, let him know you know. Win-win, nobody loses.

Eta: like you now write him a note or log entry that says "exactly! We are losing connection becsuse we are boththinking that the other is saying blah blah" is what I hankster see as the nexg step.

You should be proud. "Every victory is 100% in itself" is what my T sometimes says.

Now there's a phrase one doesn't hear very often

Now I have a lump under jaw on the right side and right side of face is swollen and pins and needles. All the doctors in town are booked out til after the long weekend and I have my first exam the first day back. Life really knows how to stick the boot in. I felt everything was starting to look up.

Can u see an emergency doc?

RS way to go Girl!

Well, I woke upon my own at 5am. But I felt well rested, so no biggie.

I checked my email this morning. Had one from the senior care place. I have to gether required documents and call to set up a time to come and sign "final" papers.

Yay! A summer job.

Only if i want to sit in the waiting room for 6 hours and see some over worked junior doctor who doesn't know a Bartholin cyst from a sebaceous gland. No thanks i'll suffer til after the week end.

way to go squirrel. Hope you enjoy the job.

Hmm. He later goes on to bring up examples of how it occurred in the session. None of it referred to him. Perhaps I should ask?

My feeling of the day.... " really who do you thing you're fooling"

MUE, you get to respond to these notes on the blog, right? Why not post about how right and smart and insightful he is and then list examples of when he has done this same thing?

Hi MKAC and MUE... where is everyone else this morning?

Cool whip!!!