Couch 55...And on it goes....

Granite.... I've been missing you!!!

I know we all have a little dishonesty! I get that, h flat out lied to my face when I asked him about the situation a couple of months ago. I don't do well with that. I not perfect, don't claim to be but when asked a question Make it a point to be honest.

Healed...where you able to talk to H about it? confront him? ask him why the change in story?

Yep, we have talked about it. Not the end of the world, not hugely mad at him, just disappointed and hurt. I don't feel that I am over reacting here. I think lying in my eyes proves some untrustworthiness.

MUE, it is a possibility in real life and it's one of the things that has made me fight so hard for my marriage. My H has been so tender and loving with our children and really cared for them emotionally and physically. He and our D have had a rough time lately, but he has tried really hard to make things better with her and for her.

Please know that I mean this is a loving way and I'm not being judgmental, but if you H asked you about kissing the other woman, would you tell him? There are some things that are so fearsome or shaming or stressful that people will just lie about them. My H has this knee jerk lie response sometimes when he feels really threatened. I hate it, but it was not a deal breaker once I understood where it was coming from. And again, he has asked me about my T and I have point-blank lied abut the situation.

Healed... I agree with you. The fact that people lie to each other does prove some untrustworthiness.... I see trustworthiness on a continuum...

I look at motive... does my H lie to me to cover his butt for something out right wrong he has set out to do that he knows would upset me? does my H see telling the truth as a potential conflict situation and therefore lies because he can't handle the perceived conflict?

In black and white... they are both lies. For me since learning of his issue with conflict, I decide which things to get upset about.

that being said... I still don't trust his answers about his feelings about things because if he sees it as a potential conflict there is a chance he will say what I want to hear and not the truth....

Ack. Lots of really old photos on the walls of new vegan restaurant. Halfway thru my chickpea piccata I realized all the people in them must be dead, and ran to the bathroom to puke. I had to leave H mid-plate and go to the car. This freaky fear has got to go! It's screwing up my lfe!

((((Wiki))))

I'm sorry you are going through that... I know fears don't really respond to logic...ie my fear of swimming... so I know there is not much we can say that will help... I wish I could...

MUE - my H was/is totally loving and sweet with all the kids. His daughters will still sit close and hug him. His grands adore him. My little niece gets so excited when uncle comes home from work. He is awesome with her and even babysits on his own sometimes. Sorry you have not experienced that.

Thanks rts. I hope h actually finishes his lunch. If I have to stop seeing black and white photos I am in serious trouble.

(((Wiki)))

Last week my H asked me to go to a concert tonight. Yesterday, I told him that I couldn't go because I didn't have the money in my budget for my ticket. Also that I needed to do laundry tonight because the laundromat (which I need to use cause I don't have money to buy a dryer) isn't air conditioned so its cooler at night...

He said okay that he hadn't bought tickets yet and that he'd have to think about whether he should go cause he needs to get the lawn mover fixed. I said well its your decision what you do.. (working on my boundaries and respecting his.)

got a text a few minutes ago that he's asking a few friends to see if anyone wants to go

Wait, what? He asks you to a concert, but you have to use separate money to get the ticket? YOU have to pay to do everyone's laundry? WTF?

We split bills and he has his he is responsible to pay and then he has a percentage of bills that he is supposed to pay me for that I pay out of my acct... But he rarely gives me the full amount because "he doesn't have it"... truthfully money is tight!
My portion includes paying for the laundry.... and I do the laundry... and he mows the lawn... its split... I don't mind the split...

The concert I would enjoy but I'm not dying to go... It was nice that he asked me to go...(usually he gets my son to go with him and then he thinks I won't give him a hard time because its for the kids). (whether he said he was paying for the ticket or not it would be me paying because it would be deducted from what $ he has to contribute to the bills)

I was just hoping he would see that if he can't afford to contribute his full share of the bills then he can't afford to go to the concert... but I refuse to be his mother and tell him what his responsibilities are...

I think you need to be clear as his partner, and not as his mother, that he will have to give you the full amount he owes if he plans to spend money on "extras." That is a partnership thing and not a parenting thing.

Its so hard to know what is the "right" thing to do... In the past, my H has parentified this relationship... it appears that he has wanted me to tell him he couldn't do things that we couldn't afford so that he could "blame" me and then I get to be the bad guy. He would pull the same thing with the kids... He would say we could do something when we didn't have the money for it and then make me out to be the bad guy when it came to telling kids we couldn't do it...

so by separating the bills it has really squashed most of that because the only money that is "at stake" is his share of the common bills in both of our names...

He needs to see it as his responsibility and not need to have me point it out to him...just not sure how to make that happen without me and the kids paying for the consequences too... like not paying electric or cable which we would all suffer same with the cell phone bill, etc...

Yes, if he would have asked me about it, I would tell him the truth. He already knows though- that has come out recently. I just see something so wrong about looking somebody in the face and lying to them. To me, that tells me that they have some kind of dishonest streak in them and that is what proves that he is not trustworthy (to a certain extent).

(((wikid))) the fear sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

wikid & pbutton, thanks for your explanations of the realtor/agent thing. It's interesting to hear how differently the systems work.

I'm having a bit of a weird day, emotionally. I was falling apart this morning, and then I've been rather efficient and got things done, and now it's evening and I feel my mood starting to slide again. I don't like the direction my thoughts are taking. (I am safe and all that. But still.)

((Apt))

Ready...I don't have any answers to that situation, I just know it is wrong in every sense of the word. A man that won't take care of his financial responsibilities and family is really no man at all...in my book anyways. Is there any way that you can make the amount he should give you auto deposited into your bank account each week? Even though H's name was not on my checking, we did that for years.

It's interesting to see how different people's experiences are. Full House is one of the only family shows I can watch BECAUSE it shows all of the nurturing coming from the dad-- like it did in my family-- and it doesn't usually remind me of what I missed out on (a mother). The episodes that always make me cry are the one where little Michelle says "but I don't have a mommy" to her school friends--and the one where Stephanie wants to go to a mother-daughter sleepover but she doesn't have a mom to take her (and, ultimately, Aunt Becky fills in). I relate so much to those episodes-- and I do wish I had an "Aunt Becky" in my life. But, back to your original point-- the only nurturing I felt as a child was from my dad. What is hard for me to imagine is that a mother could be nurturing-- I mean, what would that even feel like? It's hard for me to picture.

Hi, everybody. I just wanted to give a head's up to whomever cares. That HBO series In Treatment is being streamed now. All three series, can you imagine? I can watch online through my cable company. Yeah!

P.S. I had a horrible session today, so now I'll watch comparing my T with TV T and wonder why she can't be bendy, like Paul.

Update: H decided against going to concert. None of his friends were available and he said with gas and tolls it would have be too much money to spend anyway.

End result - good.

I'm sure we can find something to do at home tonight between changing loads of laundry.... or maybe he'll just watch sports. Last night we watched TVLand together, I think it might be years since my H and I have sat down and watched TV together...

OR...maybe you can tell him it would be SO helpful, and you'd be SO appreciative if he'd help you go to the laundromat and dry the clothes.
Hey...it could be romantic.

OK...last night my H was explaining the Faraday Cage to me (sp?), which I had never heard of. I actually thought he was BS'ing me for a little bit. Right NOW...there's a SciFi movie on based on the concept of a Faraday Cage. How weird is that?

Home from work. Uneventful day. K slept most of the day.

Day off tomorrow. It's my "cleaning and laundry" day though, so hopefully I will be able to push myself and get it done.

Work on Sunday, Monday. Only morning on Tuesday so far (unless the senior place ends up needing me). T in the morning on Wednesday, then on to C's. Work Thursday and Friday.

Busy week next week. I can't complain about being bored this summer like I could last summer. Don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Well...I need to go check the mail.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

Are you serious about the 15-16 %? In my area, it is usually 6%, sometimes 7, and sometimes as low as 4%.