Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

RTS, my H and I had a discussion at lunch that made me think of you. I was telling him that I understand that I am the one who has made huge changes in the last few years, and I do feel sometimes that I am being unfair to him to ask him for new things or to meet needs that I did not know I had until recently. He said that he agreed with our MC that it is completely fair and appropriate for me to ask for what I need or want, and H is free to try to give me those things or not. He has a choice and he chooses to try to meet my needs, knowing that I am also trying to meet his.

Lola...that's kind of normal I think. When h and I separated, I rather enjoyed moving things around and cleaning things out. I liked creating my own space and not worrying abou what he wanted or needed.


It must be so hard for you!

Hankstah! There is always room for you.

The first rule of the marriage is: You do not talk about the marriage.
(Your opinions may vary.)

And now I'll shut up and go play board games with H and our houseguest.

My experience has been that not talking is what got us into trouble in the first place and talking about stuff is slowly (dear god, oh so slowly) getting us out of trouble. [and I agree, opinions may vary and all marriages are different and I am not telling anyone what to do. Just offering my experience.]

MKAC.... I still have a hard time asking for things I need... or believing I deserve them... I was all hormonal this week (of course I didn't think to look at the calendar as it was happening) and I was reverting back to my mind reading and assuming he feels about me the way my core feelings are... which is so not good... and when I'm in my right mind I know he doesn't feel that way...

I feel like a lot of pressure has been removed if he can allow me to feel what I need to without allowing it to change his feelings or otherwise I can't have my feelings because then I am making him mad or angry or upset,...ughh...

I actually told him a big feeilng that I have about myself (or actually don't have) that I 've never even talked to a T about and he said he doesn't see me that way... which although nice I reminded him didn't really matter to me because its how I see me that matters...

Maybe someday I would be able to talk to a T about it...

OMG.... I am about to implode. The buyer wants an extension, the lender wants another month to close and we are already both moved out and in need of our funds. I am about to lose it. W is at the house too and I can't help but get angry and want to take it out on her, because she pushed the sale of the house and now look at the mess I am in. Finacial ruin is in my near future. I emailed the lender both agents and underwriting and said If they need more time I need a date or I will NOT extend the contract ( they have had 7 weeks to close ) and Ill put it back on the market. Of course Ill file bankruptcy then as I cant afford to pay all my bills and my new place and the old place.... I have no one to talk to about this either. W was furious I emailed everyone but I told her it's my house too and we did it her way and look where it got us.... PLUS I am trying to concentrate on my new job, then she comes to "visit" of all times....

SD I am not sure , I don't want to rock the boat until we get out from under the house and get our finances separated. She wants to stay in a long distance relationship but I don't know what I want right now. I am numb to the entire relationship thing and extremely bitter as to how this all panned out. Ok Ill stop complaining now, its probably best I just stay off here for awhile until I can strike a balance. The moment W showed up my anxiety shot up 100%, that's telling isn't it???

Lola, maybe you could use support on the couch to try to manage your feelings and maintain your balance.

I'm at my desk and I want to burst into tears......
I only cry when I am so mad I could spit nails... and I am F-in' Crying.... I just want control of my life, my whole life all aspects of it... I want my **** untangled from her ****... I want peace

I wish so much for peace for you.

((((Lola))))

I'm glad you're getting yourself out of the trouble.

I hope my previous post didn't look as if I thought nobody else was allowed to talk about their marriages. I was just offering my own perspective on my own marriage. I have been told that I'm the last person who should offer advice to other people on relationships, so I never, never do that ever - I am not qualified for that. If I offended anybody I ask you to forgive me, and if my post caused anybody else to remove posts I am really sorry.

(((((Lola)))))
I can't even imagine your pain, but I hate that you are hurting so much.

ok... Im just gonna throw this out there and I hope it helps where it lands.

WHY is everyone wearing their heart on their sleeves all of a sudden? The beauty of the couch is the ability to speak your mind and agree to disagree and bounce things off each other. EVERYONE is all "sorry" for this and "sorry" for that and most , if not all seems to be nothing more then ourselves feeling we "did something wrong" or "stepped on someones toes".... people I am gonna need you to pull it together here and get back to the love fest. Where the hell are the pooping rainbows and puppies? We all have bad days or weeks .... but I'm gonna need some serious support here and if everyone leaves or is afraid to speak their mind then where will I be? ( Feel free to make the "I" into you, for those who are needing support right ) .... the couch is a lonely place if no one is willing to slap me around every once in awhile with a hard truth or off the wall comment. I can't see the other perspective or think outside the box if no one is willing to be themselves anymore. Maybe it's just me.... and it could be as this is a board for people with "issues".... but I need (again feel free to replace "I" with reference to yourself) people to be the crazy bunch of opinionated people that I have grown to love.... D A M N it! ok, that should cover it.

My Pain is anger , pure wanna rip someone's face off.... scream at the world , curse the Gods.... anger. I would love for something to just go smoothly for a change. It reminds me of a FB thing I saw that said something to the effect of "God only gives us what we can handle. So he must think I'm one bad a s s B Itch" LOL

Mast.... just be you, we all know you are not mean or trying to tell people what they should do... I doubt you would hurt a fly on purpose, you don't strike me as that type. It's ok. People's reaction to what others say are NOT your responsibility, its usually more of a their issue thing ( Kinda sounded SD on that one )

Good luck with everything. I hope things improve sooner rather than later.

I'm gonna "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." That is all I can do. I hold onto the fact that " even the sun shines on a dog *** once in awhile"

(((LOLA))) Girlie...go eat some spinach. Lots of spinach. Green leaves can solve all the world problems. Seriously.

Everyone, just join hands. Spit on them first. Now sing with me...

"Two, one two three four
Ev'rybody's talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m.

All we are saying is give peas a chance
All we are saying is give peas a chance "

Screw spinach ... I need barley ( and hops ) ..... I'm not going to apologize for speaking my mind....
I love you , you love me
Let's be free to be crazy...

I need to start eating breakfast, maybe I need a snickers...hahahaha

I apologize, I love spinach on pizza

I second that.

Yes, I think that's the key point for me too.

That was the hidden agenda behind my "Should T take special needs into account?" thread.

She seemed to regard my Aspergers as something to be cured. She wouldn't try to cure me of being gay! And if I were gay, she wouldn't ignore that and talk to me as if I were straight.

(Although I have seen posts from patients who have exactly that issue with their Ts: "She doesn't seem to get that I am gay," etc. And I have consistently responded, "That's not the right T for you!")

Monty Python Holy Grail has a scene for everything:

God: Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...

Geez I was going to apologise for for responding to CE the way I did, but I said what I feltand now I'm glad because the wrath of Lola would have rained down on my head. Going away for the weekend, will check in on Monday (Or Sunday wherever youu are)

Also the beatles had a solution for everything. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!!! Proper unaldulterated pure LOVE! Eat my punctuation SD

Hey Granite, I really do appreciate you so much, and I understand how you have been feeling. I have put a lot of thought today into not coming to PC as much, or at all. I seem to be hurting people without meaning to when I post, and sometimes people are ticked at me or reactive ABOUT me even when I don't post to them.

My thought at one point today is that I have a lot going on in my life anyway with my job and H and the kids and the horses and my friends. I don't need PC particularly, and it certainly isn't a stress-reliever anymore. However, there are people on PC that I enjoy very much, and you are included among those people, Granite. So, while I will post less than I did before, and more carefully, I am not going to just stay away. I hope that you will decide to continue hanging out with us.

I think I have a decent mental list now of things not to say, and/or people not to talk to. I am sure I will still make mistakes, and I do not guarantee I will remain silent when the safety of an animal or a child is at stake, but I am not just going to stop hanging out with people I consider REAL friends. Love you guys.

Punctuation, spelling, capital letters, and those little face things.
I am going to have to drink some gin to recover from all of that unnecessary emotion.

LC - you aren't going to want spanking again, are you?