[stopdog]

Do you understand the phrase "the process" as it relates to therapy?
If so, how do you define it?
Have you ever been told you "fight the process" by a therapist?

[gayleggg]

No, I have never been told that, but I think it's like in grief you have to go through phases and some therapy has certain steps to get through to the next step and you can't take that next step until you've done the base step. I've read it in books but not sure if my examples make sense or not.

[tooski]

I think I'm finally getting a glimmer, but it's taken a long time. I see the process as basically me going to sessions and talking with T. My part is to be as open and honest as possible in what I convey - words, emotions. No hiding or holding back (ha! I'm talking ideal here). The T's part of the process is using his knowledge of psychology and human behavior and different modalities that can be used in a therapeutic setting, and how skillful he is as a T and whether he is able to attune to me or not.

So in other words as the sessions take place, the process unfolds as time passes. Stuff happens, ruptures occur, misunderstandings, mistakes are made. The r/s becomes deeper, or maybe falls apart.

Hard to explain, but I do feel I'm understanding it better. At least I now understand the phrase "trust the process" which I interpret as just keep showing up and eventually it will pay off. And it has.

[WikidPissah]

I have no idea what the process is.
Yes I fight whatever it is, because I don't understand it.
I *think* it has something to do with attaching to the T and trusting them and telling them all your deep dark secrets. Blech. Ick. Ack.
See, this is why I am a T Flunkie.

[haier]

I think I'm beginning to understand the phrase, kind of what gaylegg said. My therapist always tells me that therapy is a process but not how that process goes. I don't know why because I've asked her to give me a step by step and she says it doesn't work that way. I think it's like whatever comes up..it gets processed..that's why you can't really plan it. IDK...cause I've never really had therapy in the past and this is my first time. For me though this "process" is very painful, difficult and time consuming. I think I'm slow or something cause I've told her and she says some people take longer than others. But with that she has said I have major trust issues and that takes time to work on, that you can't speed that process up because it wouldn't be healthy...blah. I feel dumb..lol..therapy is weird to me.

The small steps of the therapy process: How they come and how to help them come

[Favorite Jeans]

The way I understand it is that I go through phases in therapy. The phases are sometimes about therapy itself, how I'm feeling about my T, about the material we're covering and about myself as I go through it. There are also phases related to my present life that impact how I feel about therapy and how I go about it (especially big stuff like births and deaths, relationships changing or ending, big career changes etc.). Sticking with it, allowing it to unfold, accepting what comes up as best I can is the process.

For example sometimes I just feel such intense grief or sadness relating much more to what I'm discussing in therapy than to non-therapy current life events. I see that as the process: learning about myself by experiencing all of that and learning how to experience that and not be undone by it.

No therapist has ever told me to fight the process and I imagine that would be countr productive!
Had your t asked you to fight the process Stopdog?
I see the process as a relatioship between me and t, neither of us is sure where we are going exactly but we trust the process to guide us through this journey. We both have to work hard on the relationship and most of the work happens between sessions when we process what we discussed. As we work through stuff together we move on to the next stage but only when are both ready and clear about the last stage.
Like the others said it happens in stages.
Grief, denial, rage, sadness, psychosis etc...
In between sessions we try apply what we learned to real life and reflect on what was discussed.

[stopdog]

I did not mean a therapist said a client should fight it. In fact, in my understanding, being told the therapist thinks the client is fighting "the process" (whatever the hell that is) is not super good from the therapist's point of view.

It always sounds to me like the definition of "the process" is the process. The process is the process. Just do the process which is the process. Nonsensical to me.
(Good lord, we can't explain it to you - that would be madness to tell you what we mean by our psychobabble in clear terms you would understand. That would give the whole game away.)

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

The small steps of the therapy process: How they come and how to help them come

That is awesome!

[feralkittymom]

For me the process is largely developmental. It's about the T learning enough about me and how I think and feel about my life and my self to suspect what either didn't happen as it should have or went wrong developmentally. How he was able to do that was by my willingness to share both information and my feelings within the relationship with him. Within this communication, it also became apparent what hindered my expression (what are often called the defenses).

As this picture became more clear, my T would know how to respond to me in order to have me experience him and the interaction differently from the past. This was a reparative experience which would challenge my assumptions and behaviors. It also allowed me to develop capacities--like for trusting--that I wasn't able to develop in childhood.

My T rarely spoke about the structure of therapy. He never said I fought the process, even when I would be resistant or silent, etc. I guess because overall I accepted that I would be honest and believe he wanted to and could help me.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by stopdog

(Good lord, we can't explain it to you - that would be madness to tell you what we mean by our psychobabble in clear terms you would understand. That would give the whole game away.)

This reminds me of one of my first sessions with my T, when he asked, "you've done therapy before?" and I nodded and he moved on. Then I thought wait, if he thinks I did therapy, he will think I know how to do this, and I have absolutely no clue! My previous (and first) therapist was not even helpful so I definitely did not know how to do therapy, so I amended my answer to something like, "but I don't really now how to do this," and I expected T to then give an explanation of how to do therapy, impart the knowledge he thought I should have gained by having done a short course of therapy before. The magic knowledge! But he didn't explain anything! So I was never sure why he even asked that question of me. What was it he was expecting me to know if I had done therapy before?

I suppose I understand the process of therapy as it applies to me. I suspect the process is different for each individual.

For me, the process has been a willingness to be open and honest with the therapists from the beginning.

The therapists, in turn, got to know me, my motivations, my issues, etc., and began the process of helping me see myself realistically as opposed to my skewed vision of myself that had resulted from my past. (This was a long part of the process that took a lot of rewiring).

As I learned who I really was, my therapists taught me skills to maintain what I was learning under situations of stress, be proactive in my own treatment and actions, advocate for myself and what I needed, and consistently use those skills independently in my life. (This has taken much time, effort, and practice, practice, practice.)

Now the process is in the maintenance stage I guess. It's the process of letting go of the need to be reliant on others to help me do this all the time, and instead, being able to trust myself to handle most things that come along. It is also being completely self-aware of when I truly do need help and being willing to ask for it when I need help.

The million dollar question right? lol While my t never really explained in so many words what exactly "the process" is, I did reach an acceptance of it, even though I never really understood what my t meant when she'd talk about it. That's when we finally fell into the rhythm of working together that eventually led to my graduation. I think it happened one day when she exasperatedly said to me "You're not broken, Art!" I was like "oh. oh? oh!" something along those lines. (I know, that helps a lot, right? heehee) Anyway during my last appointment she said "You clearly trust the process" or something like that. And in that moment I felt like I did. Not that I could put it into words even then. Confusing and frustrating and insane yes, but I have to admit, this stuff (therapy) WORKS!

[stopdog]

I am about to give a couple of books another try:
Negotiating the Therapeutic Alliance: A Relational Treatment Guide [Paperback]
and
Psychoanalysis and Psychoanalytic Therapies (Theories of Psychotherapy)
Jeremy D. Safran PhD

The Therapeutic Process: A Clinical Introduction to Psychodynamic Psychotherapy
by Mark J. Thompson, Candace Cotlove

[tinyrabbit]

My T says I do the telling and he'll take care of the process. It feels like something that happens when I'm not looking.

[stopdog]

TR -Are you okay with that idea?

Originally Posted by stopdog

I did not mean a therapist said a client should fight it. In fact, in my understanding, being told the therapist thinks the client is fighting "the process" (whatever the hell that is) is not super good from the therapist's point of view.

It always sounds to me like the definition of "the process" is the process. The process is the process. Just do the process which is the process. Nonsensical to me.
(Good lord, we can't explain it to you - that would be madness to tell you what we mean by our psychobabble in clear terms you would understand. That would give the whole game away.)

Sorry,mybad, I read your post wrong and took it to mean the therapist was telling someone to fight it.
Yes, indeed, it feels like they are playing a game sometimes and we have to solve some cryptic riddle to win and move on to the next stage. The reason I think that mostly they don't explain is because they don't know.

[FeelTheBurn]

MKAC: that post you linked is extraordinary. Almost poetic in its exploration of relational therapy. Maybe not the best ABC kind of explanation of the process, but so fun to read. I could feel back to my own experiences in therapy as I read it.

I'm mid-work, so I can't vouch for how things go from start to finish, and I can only speak to the kind of therapy I've been doing.

In my experience, most of my sessions are me talking: about what I'm feeling, what's going on in my life (not so much day to day stuff, but the big themes), some of my history and how it is reflected in my current issues. Meanwhile, T may ask a question to clarify, occasionally make an observation, or present an alternative way to see something I may be missing the point on. She calls my attention to where in my body I am feeling things. But primarily, she listens, and... feels me. She gauges my affect, my tone, my body language, my breathing.

Especially in the beginning, this was more superficial, and reflective, and perhaps more intellectual. But as time went on, and she got more familiar with me, and I with her, our sessions became functional on two levels: conversational inquiry, and this deep, energetically connected, almost synergistic union between us. I could feel her feeling me, if that makes any sense at all. In a way, I felt--emotionally and physically--her joining me inside myself, giving me a feeling of security, connection, and love.

Now, my issues are largely oriented around dysfunctional attachment and the fact that, in order to get anything from my mother, I had to sacrifice my needs to hers. The process of my T creating a deep connection with me, much like a caregiver to an infant (and I'm just now learning how not to feel creepy saying stuff like that!), in conjunction with my adult self going piece by piece through my problems and working them out intellectually, has worked wonders on me. And I mean in a life-changing, world-shaking, self-creating way.

I see the process as this: she provides the emotional safety and connection, I provide the exploration and reporting, and together we create a sort of primordial soup which nurtures the growth of my new way of being. The knitting of my psychological bones happens in the dark, inside me, beyond my conscious control. In my experience, she doesn't "do" anything to me, there is no formulaic procedure or secret plan she follows behind the curtain, like a false wizard. I never feel manipulated or "worked." In fact, my awareness of what's going on has been part of what's helped me change. And the single most important ingredient has been my willingness to let her in. Without that, without trust and letting my guard down, I don't think I could have healed in the way I have.

Conversation, revelation, awareness, trust, love. That's what the process is to me.

YMMV. Sorry about the long post. It's how I roll.

[brillskep]

I find it easy to understand the process when I relate it to the content of therapy. I find Irvin Yalom's explanation to be most useful. While the content of therapy is the symptoms / issues / stories you bring to therapy, the process is how that happens. How you tell or don't tell things, tone of voice, changes in attitude, your and / or your therapist's reaction to the stories, etc.

My therapist would never say I'm fighting the process. In my understanding (as well as his), if I am fighting (him or my feelings or a topic), then that fighting IS the process. We sometimes focus on this.

My therapist and I find process-oriented work to be useful. It can be difficult too. I guess it's not for everyone, but when it works, it really works. But it depends on the skills of the therapist and the openness of the client.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Do you understand the phrase "the process" as it relates to therapy?
If so, how do you define it?
Have you ever been told you "fight the process" by a therapist?

[archipelago]

The only ways I have come across the term "process" is in two different meanings. One is the phrase "process comment" which means shifting from the content to what is happening in the room. It is especially useful when seeing more than one person, like a family or a couple, so you check in with where you are after they've interacted.

The other meaning is as in the phrase "unprocessed material" meaning usually unconscious stuff that is bubbling up and clearly there, usually interfering. That implies that you need to "process" the material. What that means exactly depends upon the approach you take. The books you list are all psychoanalytically oriented so I guess that would mean making it more conscious and finding the roots, seeing if there is a possibility of change or not, things like that.

"Fighting the process" might just mean "resistance" which is standard in older forms of psychodynamic therapy. Newer forms like relational don't put much emphasis on that; they made a radical break from traditional forms of psychoanalysis. Why not just ask what it means to the therapist who is using it?

[Perna]

"Therapy" feels kind of like "education" to me so when I get confused I think about the educational "process" and find it easier to see. In fourth grade, you really have no clue what is going on? Looking back from 11th grade, you have a glimmer, you can see how they taught you stuff over time, without you actually knowing. There's a lot of going over and over things and practice doing pages and pages of math problems, writing too many papers, doing pop quizzes to see if you are paying attention, etc. Maybe once or twice a year you get an "a ha!" moment where you suddenly understand something and things make sense for awhile.

For me, process can feel like a tsunami until I "get it" and figure out I am supposed to surf and start trying to stand up on that board. At first it is just terrifying or confusing; it's too strange, too big, too new, too. . .not what one wants. It requires a perspective shift from "out there" where the waves are forming and one is trying to judge the waves to inside where one asks "what am I doing here?" and comes up with an answer that works and is workable. It's the point when learning to ride a bicycle that you and your body both "get" balance and you suddenly can work on riding well instead of learning to balance on this dang thing and being afraid you will fall?

I find it helpful when I am frustrated or afraid to realize it is just something larger that I don't see yet but that the process will probably kick in at some point and I'll understand better. Relaxing and "waiting" for that moment, expecting it instead of thrashing around worrying I'm going to drown lets the waves do their thing and I body surf by accident and suddenly understand something, get excited and try to reproduce that thing. Eventually I realize there's this cool board connected to my ankle by a cord and it's not an anvil like I thought

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Why not just ask what it means to the therapist who is using it?

I tried that first and have repeatedly asked the woman on a regular basis. That approach failed.

[HealingTimes]

To me, The Process" is what i am going through between being the person i was when i first started therapy, to the person i would like to be (emotionally healthy and stable) when i end therapy.

[sweepy62]

Im kinda angry and hurt right now, so im gonna say what I feel in my heart, maybe it will change later, and im sorry if I offend anybody.

The process to me as of this moment is being dumped twice.