The Couch - Welcome to the Psychedelic 70's

Granite...good luck at T

Well this period is shot. There are normally 4 kids, but 3 are absent, so there is only one in class right now. Thus we are just hanging out.

Teacher found Jurassic Park 3 in the media cabinet that the teacher last year left behind. He asked the kid if he wanted to watch it. So it is playing.

Not supposed to show PG or PG-13 movies without parent permission, but I'm not going to tell. The kid is 14 and in 8th grade...I think he can handle it.

Feels horrible for wanting to tell T, "Do you realize that not that many people are going to see your website? So hurry up and make some decisions before you drive me bat-s**t-insane. Could we sit down for longer than 2 hours and figure some of this stuff out? Do you think you can actually concentrate on something for longer than 15 min at a time? You actually left your last practice with a grandiose plan in mind with little idea of how you are going to achieve it, didn't you?"

Deleted.

(Sorry. It's probably better if I go to bed and try to sleep it off instead.)

If the human brain were a properly designed database, you could do that. But it's a neural network, and the only way to get useful information out is to ask it questions.

Likewise, the only way to reprogram it is by telling it things and giving it new experiences.

Suppose we made an exact copy of you and sent the copy to therapy. Then we'd have to erase your brain and install the copy. Which means you would remember all the horrors of therapy.

Clients! Lol! Add "business analyst" to your skill set.

In the first session, she said, "You will see this room and that room, but the rest of the house is totally off limits and you will never see them."

I didn't enjoy the boundary lecture at all. If I had not been so desperate, I would have left right then.

T isnt going to help me .im so sad , devastated .I cant do what she wants me to do .we are back to the I need to speak .I cant I called her and told her I am completely panicked about next week I don't know if I should come if I cant do it . I cant sit in a room so filled with hate. she will now probably put phone restrictions on me because I called her so soon after my session and so upset because I couldn't talk to her. so now I blew the phone contact.

Granite....can you take a breath and tell us what happened?

((((granite))))

that's just it nothing I said nothing and just as I figured she sat there staring at me probably thinking the most horrible things. finely I said I feel you just hate me so much and are sitting there thinking the most horrible things and are completely disgusted with me, and it was really miserable to be sitting there. she said I could talk. I told her I just did. she said that I was projecting that these feelings are old feelings coming from the mother. but they are not, she oozed hate anger and disgust. she said we have disused this many times before .I don't remember that. she said that we need to do something about this .and talked about making some clowd next week I didn't understand what she meant at all but she said she was not going to bring it up next week if I wanted to talk about it I had to bring it up .why doesn't she want to help me I know im going to sit there and not be able to say anything at all and she is not going to help me at all .im so scared and hurt and don't understand.

That's it. I am going in. With bean sprouts, and maybe even the recalled e coli bean sprouts.

(((Granite)))

Neut...no one is kicking you off, you're doing fine.

Mom's EOY crap is turning into a nightmare.

Grrrrrr. I get that she wants YOU to talk. I don't get why she won't HELP you talk.
Frustrating.
So sorry Granite.

I don't get it either I don't know why either other then she doesn't want to help me

Ugh....

She told you to TELL her when you feel like she hates you. Weren't you suppose to either tell her or go tap on a picture or something like that? So you tell her and she says we've already discussed this.

I agree with her, you are projecting. BUT you obviously believe the hate is coming from her and that you aren't transferring your mother's hate (even though you are). She doesn't hate you, I don't believe that, I just wish to God that she would talk it through with you as many times as you need her to. Why couldn't she talk about it today? Nothing else was going on.

Sheesh.

I don't think it's that she doesn't want to help you either.
Remember when she had you sit in her chair?
She does want to help. I just don't think she can.

in her defense I didn't say anything until the end of the session. it is more that she said she will not bring up what she suggested we try next session that I will need to bring it up. I cant so we will sit there in silence again and I cant do it .none of it. I did call her so probably destroyed even that avenue of communication . my hubby just brought up a paper that said top secrete note inside.i opened it up and it said I love you

Well...I didn't feel like cooking when I got home from work. Yet, I didn't feel like fast food or cheap pizza either. So I went to a mom and pop Italian restaurant up the street and have leftovers for tomorrow night. Yes, it is still eating out and not cooking at home, but it is healthier than fried in grease stuff.

Feeling a lot better.

It's never happened before with me, but my mom said she always got symptoms like mine before she started her monthly cycle. I started mine last night. I wonder if that was the cause or if it is just a coincidence they happened about the same time.

Payday tomorrow for the school board employees. Only about 6 bucks less per paycheck than last semester. I added vision benefits to my plan this year, so I have an additional deduction now. Not bad. 12 bucks a month for a free eye exam, pair of glasses, fitting, and adjustments for a year is worth it in my opinion. Since I am only a 9 month employee, I don't get paychecks in the summer, so it is only 12 bucks for 9 months. Cheaper than trying to pay for everything out of pocket.

Need to charge my phone. I am down to 25% battery. Going to shower, then to log back on from my laptop.

Granite...I believe she wants to help you. If she didn't want to then it would be her ethical duty to refer you out. She however has not done that yet. She hasn't given up hope yet that she can get through to you. However, she needs to change her tactic. I sometimes wonder if going to a therapist that takes a more structured approach would help more.

I really wish she would be more willing to change how she approaches your therapy. However, maybe that's all she's got. I just hate that you have so much turmoil week after week.

Granite...what a sweet note!

Jerz...thanks. You said it way better than I did. I hate that (some) people tend to blame Granite for this weekly turmoil.

SO Jerz...
What happened with your T?
Did she splain it all well and good?

Thanks for asking Wiki..we are okay for now. I felt heard today. There is a lot of work left to do. But today was very productive. She asked questions instead of me just sit there trying to get my thoughts in order, which helped. The only unhelpful thing today was her asking me if I lost weight..and saying I looked tiny in the chair. But I will just kindly ask her not to comment on my physical appearance. So, all swell, ends well...for now.

Yay! Go Hubby!

Call me thick, but is talk therapy the right therapy for someone who finds it so difficult to talk?

I'm going to cross the line here and suggest that massage therapy or equine therapy might be better.