Couch 79: Spend some time on Couch 79 (snap, snap)

Why not? Resignation is what I need. True resignation without bitterness. Nobody gets everything they wish for. Being content with what I have (which is a lot, if I could just realise and admit that) might actually need to happiness.

I didn't read what you posted as being resigned at all. I was thinking you could still want more than what you have, but perhaps the things you wish for might be driven more by logic than by emotion (thus my post back to you)...so you would be less likely to be hurt or let down. If that's not exactly what you meant then I guess that was my projected interpretation at 3:30 a.m.
For me I am more of a "thinker" than a "feeler" so I am big on logic.

Mental health is when you are OK with wanting things you're not going to get.

Or so they say.

Cats are easy….until they aren't!!!

My boy moved with me over 3 states and was my marshmallowy shadow. (always working on both our weights with some small successes)

Your kitty sounds like she had personality-plus!!!

That she did...almost everyone at my vet's office was afraid of her, but she was much more attitude than anything more sinister.

I got her when she was a year old and she had been abused; she was way underweight. She soon equated being happy with eating and I didn't know better (she was my first cat) so I free-fed her. Then she was just SO overweight and drove me nuts when I tried to cut back her food, so it was a lose-lose situation.

I love boy cats...my one now is like a teddy bear. He loves to cuddle.

"Wishing" seems somehow more dreamy to me (Mastodon's word)..."wanting" sounds something like, "I am thirsty; I want a soda." Maybe that's just semantics, but the words seem to have different qualities to them for me.

Ugh... I am up, awake,clothed, hair is done, make up is done... This is part of what triggers my depression, it is all just an act. I show up at school with a smile, act like I believe what they do, act like I want to be there... It's all so freaking exhausting! I feel like such a fake. It wasn't until last year did I realized somebody could walk around so horribly depressed but at least function at work... At home, was/is a different story.

"Just semantics"? Don't impugn my field of research here (actually I'm more of a pragmaticist than a semanticist, but semantics tends to creep in, too.)

healed, I'm sorry things are so rough. One of the worst, most damaging clichés I know is the one that says "fake it until you make it" - faking happiness is not going to lead to actual happiness. And being functional doesn't mean that you feel okay.

i do dbt for depression. it's really not just for bpd anymore. i call it kindergarten for the emotions. it's like people my whole life have told me to do x or y and i'm like but how?! then i got into dbt and it slows things down, gets me to look at things. right now we're going through emotion regulation (i've been through dbt before, but i wanted to do it again for support). we have a chart for homework that helps us slow down and identify the emotion. for example, i tend to skip recognizing that i'm hurt and jump straight to anger. i'm angry and i don't know why. but if i slow down i can see that my *first* emotion was hurt and that i moved past it so fast i didn't really deal with it.

as for radical acceptance, that's actually my favorite dbt skill. it's the hardest one, but it's my fave

i'm sure it's been discussed, but radical acceptance isn't about liking the situation. it isn't about saying you aren't going to change the situation. it simply means, that in your core (that's where "radical" comes in) you recognize the situation you are in and you accept reality for what it is. you can't change reality if you're operating on how you wish things were instead of how they are.

Yeah, I've heard of radical acceptance. I understand that it can be a very helpful concept. Still not what I, personally, am after though.

Ah, so you are a Professor of Linguistics? I think my phrasing was quite unfortunate . I was not sure if wishing vs. wanting actually had any of the connotations I was thinking it might, or if that was just me being odd in feeling there is the difference between the two that I believe there to be.

i understand i think lol. i haven't been following closely so i didn't even realize this was in response to you. i was just like 'oh hey radical acceptance, my fave!'

Morning couch. Just called car insurance co to find out how much it's going to cost to add my son to our policy when he gets his license next month. I was sitting down, but I should have been sitting on the floor, cuz that's where I was when I came to! well not really but just about. Even quitting therapy, me getting a 2nd job, and him getting a less than part time job wouldn't be enough. I guess he's not driving til he gets out of high school and has a full time job so he can pay for it.

My husband's parents bought him a £300 1 litre car when he passed his test because it was more cost effective than insuring him on there's. My dad took the opposite approach and didn't get me any lessons.

i need to send an email to my pdoc and tell him that i think the new meds are making me worse. i woke up terrible this morning (feeling like i'm going to crash and burn) and emailed my t asking if i felt this way three weeks ago. dunno if i'll hear from him or not - hopefully so. i feel like my pdoc is an unknown factor - i know how my t responds to me admitting certain thoughts and urges but my pdoc... he doesn't really react at all which makes me worried that he might overreact at the worst moment.

blerg and double blerg. i just want to lay on the couch and watch tv all day

that's a good point - it might be cheaper in the long run to buy a clunker car, and insure him on that instead of on mine. have to give that some thought.

I had no idea you had to change your car insurance depending on who is going to drive the car! I wonder if it works the same way here - I don't think it does, as far as I know the insurance is simply tied to the vehicle. But I don't know for certain, since I have never had a car (or a driving licence).

Its mostly if you are going to have the worst drivers in the world ie males 18-25 driving your car. Statistically speaking

I am making my own instant soy chai for the first time. If that doesnt stop my little cold, nothing will!

Yes, it makes sense to have a higher premium for a less reliable driver!

I dunno Mast, I think bitterness is inherent in resignation. Resignation without bitterness would be acceptance. But, semantics again...

So, I wrote a couple of days ago here on the couch my son's pediatrician has referred us to a child psychologist. He is having behavioral issues at home and at school. Today, he had to be removed from his pre-k class kicking and screaming to the principal's office. That situation is always embarrassing, you wanna know what is worse? He goes to the school I work at- so he was sent to the Principal's office aka my boss.. in the office where a bunch of my coworkers are at in the morning. UGH.. So, anyways.. I talk to his teacher after the whole episode, and assure her we are working on the issues at home, and have tried everything under the sun, and we are now going to be dealing with a T for him.. She says, well let me ask you- do you spank him? Um, no.. no I don't.. and I don't think spanking an already violent child is going to make his behavior any better. I am so unbelievably angry with the teacher right now.. I work in a small Christian school, so the whole spare the rod spoil the child attitude is prevalent and widely accepted amongst the teachers at our school. I am falling apart people..

Wow. She would be out if a job immediately in the uk.
And I agree with you, how would it help? Except to validate violence?
That sounds like a difficult position to be in. Hope that your sons new t can help you all. Xxx

Oh, it's very Christian to spank children... "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him"

I'm not speaking for all of course, but those roots are definitely there. Folks focus on New Testament, but that's a religion based in Old Testament too, which wasn't so bright and fluffy.

Okay, sorry, that was my Catholic school girl upbringing speaking, I'm going to retreat off my soapbox now.

So sorry Healed- I can only imagine how terribly uncomfortable it is for you at work now, and you know I know how very trying and disheartening it is to deal with an out of control child. I'm right there with you. It does get better though!

Lol! Priceless.