Angry at T all the time.

I wondered if any of you have experienced rage in your therapy, against your therapist and how you both dealt with it, particularly if anger is something you don't normally display in real life.

The past 4 months have been very challenging with my therapist but recently, say the last 6-8 weeks I just feel such fury towards her. Generally she is meeting all my needs as a therapist, she isn't doing anything ethically wrong, she's a good therapist. But the rage coming from me is ridiculous. In the last two weeks I've been able to voice my anger and my disappointment at some of the things she's done whilst in session but often the anger comes out in angry tirades in texts ( feels safer that way).
I wish I could understand why she makes me so angry all the time lately. I feel totally terrified of how angry I feel about everything. I am not an angry person and generally if I do get angry I calm down quick. This anger is very much out of character. I feel totally out of control all the time, this isn't me. Except it obviously is me. I've been a grade A. b"tch lately.

I feel like my therapy is a battleground just now and I just miss feeling like my T is on my side. I feel suspicious of her and resentful of her and like she's a stranger to me now. I'm scared for where this is heading ; will she terminate me? Get sick of me directing all this at her?

Please tell me therapists can endure this? How did you get passed your anger, how did it affect your relationship with your T? Any advice?

I was mad at my t and I told her and we worked thru it.

maybe your t is approaching a sensitive subject that you don't want to unbury so you are responding angrily to push her away so that it doesn't surface. I would talk to her about the feelings you are having so that you can work thru them. it is obvious from what you have written here that you respect her and know the feelings aren't about anything she is doing but coming from a place inside of you. let her help you find that place. take care.

When I am angry, and I do have anger issues , I either show it passive aggressively in or out of therapy or I get very sarcastic . I learned not to punch stuff anymore .

In session I don't tell her straight out you are pissing me off, but she knows because of my sarcasm and my humor . When she asks if she made me angry, I get more enraged, because she knows she did. I just start drawing .

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I had that for a while, but I think it was transference of anger I had towards my parents. And I think I little to push the envelope and see what he can take. :P

Sounds like transference. Does she remind you of anyone particularly a parent? My T says I keep waiting for her to let me down, etc and it's because I treat her like my mom.

I think it's misplaced anger. There are things that need ironed out in therapy, things that have annoyed me but probably shouldn't cause the intensity of the anger. She can be somewhat parental in terms of setting boundaries and being very caring so maybe that's some of it. I don't do well with therapists setting boundaries, particularly if I don't agree with them.I think I'm struggling with the power imbalance and with giving up control and letting her do her job. These are all flashpoints for me and they're all coming up, I feel genuine panic when she takes control of certain areas in a parental way, and even tho it might me for my own good, it sparks panic and I want to kick against it. It feels like I've experienced this same panic in my past but I can't remember any exact instances.

I just feel very rebellious and oppositional right now. I push her away from me yet miss feeling close to her. It's like I'm chasing my own tail.

I've been angry at my T before and it's usually when I'm trying to push him away and he doesn't fight with me. I know it's crazy to get mad at him for that, because that's what he's supposed to do, but it will still piss me off. I haven't told him how angry that makes me, because I feel like that will mean he "wins". So stupid, right? It also makes me mad when he says nice things to me like "I'm worried about you." or "You've been through so much and you're a lot stronger than you believe." I think it makes me mad because it makes me feel like he really likes me and I'm just not at that point where I can believe that so I think he's lying. We've kind of touched on that and he handles it really well and is professional and sweet, which makes me more angry!

Ts are trained to handle this kind of stuff. I think a good T wouldn't take it personally and terminate you, but would instead be happy that you're being honest about your feelings. It's a really tough thing to do, but if we can't express our anger in therapy then where can we?

I write short stories where she is both the victim of cartoonish murders and the murderer.

omg! I LOVE this lololol

Do you share them with her?

I just feel very rebellious and oppositional right now. I push her away from me yet miss feeling close to her. It's like I'm chasing my own tail.[/QUOTE]

I felt rebellious the last few weeks and have no idea why. I keep telling my T that I hate that she matters to me. She keeps saying "try not to hate me too much". I say "but I would never hate you" and she'll say "but that's the opposite". I too feel I'm all over the place.

Sometimes. She does not seem to take them seriously.

I'm not certain, but I don't think it's anger at all; it sounds like rage. Anger normally arises from a specific incident, but being angry about everything in the manner in which you describe is usually known as rage.

Was your mother really controlling, not letting you have autonomy?

Anyway, As much as it sux, I think this might prove very beneficial for you and I also think your doing good work!! Wish I could let mine out....my therapist wants me to do that. Maybe it's coming soon.

Hang in there! It won't be forever.

Adding a link about this subject that might be useful:

It does sound like it's rage about someone other than her, or else it's covering up some other feeling or mix of feelings that you're unconsciously trying to avoid. Either way, it's a tough place to be :-( One thing that's worked for me sometimes is to just sit in the anger and notice what it feels like without trying to fight with my T or explain it. Sometimes that can help to break through to whatever is underneath.

Is it that you feel safer expressing your anger at her, so all your anger from lots of difference sources all come out and are directed at her? Like people who get road rage and take all their anger out on other drivers?

Skies, you're right, it is rage. And there seems to be a ton of it. My mother wasn't controlling, more emotionally manipulating. My Dad was more controlling I'd say. So I don't know where the fear and resentment of boundaries comes from. My mother didn't really set boundaries with me as a teenager thru guilt for abandoning me as a child. She felt like she didn't have the right and I think my underlying rage made her fearful of trying. (maybe)

I'd bet it's helplessness.

It could be. All i know is it makes me feel claustrophobic, bound and panicked.

I'm currently trying to track back the events in my therapy from the past 2 months and see what's triggered all this. I feel awful and terrified and like everything is unpredictable.
I feel like my T is getting sick and tired of all this up and down-ness. Even tho last week she said the rage is good and she expects a lot more of it. But then I had a terrible session and text and quit and she just excepted it, whereas before when i've done that, terminating with text wasn't an option, she'd always ask me to come in see her. This time it's like she's worn down by me. And no wonder.

Maybe she's trying to give you the space to feel what you feel more and more, so it appears she's "backing down" when she's really giving you the chance to experience your feelings and experiences relating to therapy and what you're going through. That's my guess, anyway.

I get the hostility, push through it. You are on the cusp if something big.

I doubt this is the case. She is stepping back and giving you the control you need. She is giving you the keys and trusting you to make the choices right for you.

Gosh that makes me think of the *imprisonment* I feel that I wrote about on my last thread. Yes, having a starting place might help. Too bad it was 2 months ago, but you probably would have never expected this...

She's expecting more of it?? Sorry but she said it's good so that's something positive for you.

All I can say is just think of the light at the end of the tunnel. My therapist told me people usually feel much better (freer?) after working through anger/rage. Lot's of good things coming your way.

She's always said she suspected there was rage underneath other emotions but I've never felt it before.
I keep a blog of all my therapy sessions so it's easy to go back and see what happened. Hopefully I can pin point some trigger points.

I used to get angry all the time with my T too. It was because she was pushing my boundaries and making me confront things that I didn't want to. I managed to move past it though when I became more open to accepting her help.

So, ironically, you are upset she's not keeping the boundary?

lol I never said my therapy was straightforward!

Yeah, I'm not good at accepting help or confronting thing either. All my barriers are up right now.