Touching without asking

No, she IS a LC.
Acting like a mom, stupid friend who might have gotten Growli killed, whatever doesn't change this. Only shows how unprofessional she's being.

No she isn't. Growli chooses to refer to her as such. But LC was someone who worked in a resisdential facility, isn't fully qualified to be a therapist, and has decided to work with growli as a life coach despite having had zero experience working as a life coach.

LC hasn't adopted anyone, and the only person she is mom to is her own children.
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Many people would be mad to see someone else's place in filth. Not just parents. Friends, coworkers, any family, teachers, bosses. No one likes to see someone else trashing a place and not taking care of themselves at all. It becomes even more sad if someone has been trying to help the other person, and then see how little they've been able to help. It's usually hard to keep yourself separated in situations like that.

Yeah, ya'll seem to have oddly bad train luck: http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...part-37-a.html

was thinking the same thing . might want to not walk on the tracks any more seems to be dangerous

Good memory! And mine is apparently clogged with cupcakes.

Yeah. The tracks behind her office seem to just be a bad spot for us. At least that time, it was mostly just me overreacting

She may be acting maternal towards you but it sounds like she is enabling you, rather than helping you. Like many parents who have good intentions but are not trained as therapists, your LC is allowing her emotions to rule her actions-- rather than an understanding of what is truly best for you. And it makes sense that you like what she is doing. If you make your room messy, LC finds out, LC is upset by the state of disarray-- then LC comes over and "rescues" you by helping you clean your room. It makes you feel good because you want to be the little girl someone loves enough to come over and rescue. You get to have that bonding experience with LC. Therefore, she is giving you an incentive to NOT get better-- to NOT keep your room sanitary on your own like an adult. As long as she rewards you with attention for maladaptive behaviors, the longer you will continue to use those maladaptive behaviors. Because, after all, if you can take care of yourself like an adult-- then you wouldn't get the good feelings you get from LC coming in and rescuing you like the "good mom" you didn't have. However, a good parent-- and, certainly, a good therapist or life coach-- would recognize this pattern and NOT play into it. A trained therapist would work on getting YOU to do the work and support you in your independence, even if that meant a strategy of "tough love." Because, in reality, it is someone who loves you enough to watch you struggle and watch you find your own way out who is giving you the best gift of all-- health and independence. That does mean a therapist or LC cannot help our guide you-- but they should not do the work for you. To come to your dorm room and clean it with you is enabling. You are an adult and you are capable of cleaning your own room. If she does it for you, you aren't learning how to motivate yourself to do it yourself.

You know its not unusual for some therapists to come to people's houses, and help them solve real life problems, in fact this is precisely the job of occupational therapists, but psychotherapists do this too. For some people figuring how to keep there room clean can be a big deal, and can be the kind of thing that keeps them from accomplishing their goals. Having a therapist to come a look at the room and help you figure out how to clean it, and what you might do to keep it clean could absolutely be in the bounds of proper care. Showing LCM the room could also constitute a form of therapeutic vulnerability, and could assist with goal setting, and the articulation of behavioral challenges.

Is LCM a certified life coach? I'm sorry if that was already mentioned.

I agree. But an actual therapist would maintain a professional boundary and attachment and wouldn't be an enabler by playing into the maternal transferance.

scorpiosis is pointing out how the LC isn't doing much to help with life coaching, even though she wants to be.

clairelisbeth - that's a good question! I don't know if the LC is actually certified for being an LC - I don't think she was at least when things started. Has she became certified growli?

Also, when do you have an appointment for that therapist I linked you with? The ones that are available on weekends and evenings?

Look, I don't know where you guys get off saying that she isn't helping me or doing my job or doing things that a life coach should do. She is my life coach. I believe she is certified to be a life coach and is working on being certified as a T. A life coach is supposed to help me get my life together. We talk about my diet, exercise, time management, wardrobe, and organization. Our current project is on hygiene and we're starting with my room. She's not cleaning my room for me. She helped me fill a trash bag to get started and that's it. She gave me homework for the week to get the rest of the trash out of my room and run all of my laundry so next week we can talk about organizing stuff and coming up with a plan to keep it clean for the future. That's not cleaning my room at all.

It was eye opening for her because she got to see:
1) empty wine bottles everywhere
2) a little bit of what I'm eating
3) how much I'm actually caring for myself. She said it was a huge clue into the state of my depression

I've never been able to keep my room clean outside of my parents' house. I clearly need help to learn how to be a cleaner person. I wanted her to come see exactly how bad my mess levels are for a long time now. She wouldn't have done it if she wasn't already driving me home, but she said she was glad she did and thinks this will be a good project for us.

Does she play into my maternal transference on top of this? Maybe. I still don't think it's a problem or how she would avoid it. Feelings are okay, even intense ones like maternal transference. She's careful with the transference despite what you guys think.

What is she doing to get certified as a T? Does she have a masters degree or is she in a program? It seems like it's taking an awfully long time....

Does she have any other clients as a life coach besides you?

It takes a long time to get certified because you have to have thousands of hours working with clients as an intern before you can get certified.

The point that I seem to always question is the fact you still have not found a real T...

Maybe the LC is helping you in some ways, but based on what you have shared about your childhood and or abuse still needs to be addressed by an actually licensed Therapist...

Someone that can help YOU process your emotions and working through the problems that are holding you back from having a life that you want.

Everyone has given you advice and links to T's that work nites and weekends , so why aren't you doing what needs to be done?.... At this point I'm sorry your LC is dropping the ball ... If she really wants to see you get help she would be pushing you to make appointments and or just making appointments for you If she can hold a trash bag for garbage in your room for you certainly she could just make you an appointment...... If shes had any kind of proper training she would know you damn sure need hooked up with a qualified professional.

Just seems like something is not "right" about this whole mess.

Right, thats why I was asking if she was currently in a masters program.

I know that a lot of people here care about growli, and that is why they respond to her threads, but berating somebody about what kind of treatment they should be getting really isn't going to help, and its only going to create shame. I think that growli already knows what kind of thing is likely to help her, and I really don't think there needs to be another thread on what everybody's opinion is on this. A lot of research shows that people tend to get better when they make the choice to do it on there own. growli should have opportunity to make he own choice and do things at her own speed. Going to therapy is a really big step, and it doesn't help to just push somebody into it. I'm certain that growli will go when she is ready, and more to the point she did not ask for help with that in this thread. Pushing somebody to do something they are not ready for could just end up mirroring the abusive environment that they grew up in. I think that its important the PC stay a supportive place for everyone, and that people offer support when it is asked for.

I am well aware of Growli's situation based on what she has posted as I have followed her for a long time now.

She has been asking for help and wanting to find a T for months now, People left and right here have actually listed T's in her area, Growli was actually happy a few days ago that a member even found T's that work nites and weekends.

Okay maybe on this thread she has not asked for the T help like in her last 10 threads , but it was brought up quite a few times by others on here. I am not pushing , I am pointing out the obvious , she needs much more help than this "LC" is offering .

The thing is that these threads a lot of time just turn into dog piles, and I don't think that growli gets any help. I know that if it was me, I would just wind up feeling very ashamed if people kept responding to me like they do to her.

We all care for growly thing. Most of us have been following her for a long time and know the situation . Nobody here is being condescending towards her, or pushing her. In fact , we stated that she write in the topic line, if she wants responses , advice or just hugs. When she does wants opinions , unfortunately , rational sound advice or recommendations sometimes hurts, or gets people upset. We in no way intend to demean her, I'm sorry that I'm speaking for everyone. Truth is that if you followed from the beginning , she does need a licensed t, growly has dangerous behaviors sometimes, and needs more than the lc,

I never said she doesn't need a licensed T, I'm just saying that as soon as people find out that she hasn't done that yet they freak out, and start telling her about everything that is wrong in her life. And I'm just trying to say that she should be allowed to go about finding what she needs at her pace. growli seemed to just want to talk about her maternal transference when she started this thread, and some how three pages in it turns into people telling her for the nth time get a TT, LCM is bad...

And I have been reading her post pretty much since I've been here, and a lot of times I've seen her threads turn into a more critical tone. I want her to get whatever help she needs too, but I see no reason to just keep harping on about points that have been made long ago.

I just wanted to talk about my love for LCM and how I wish I could run into her arms. Then we almost had an accident and she did something that violated people's concept of seeing a T in a neutral space and people flipped out. Granted, the train issue as well, but she didn't let me get hurt. Well hurt worse than the impact of falling. But the thread turned into bashing her and of course I'm going to stand up for her. I love her so much and I might trust her too much if I deny my own worry of crossing tracks to follow her, but yeah.

That's sweet, just ask her, she might say yes.

I don't think people mean to 'bash' LCM as such, rather everyone hopes that you will get what you need in the form of a trauma therapist as well. Quite simply LCM does not seem to have the skill to guide you onto the right track (ha! see what I did there ) for healing. She seems to fulfill a different kind of role - I think she basically gives you much needed love.

Personally I think what you have with LCM is muddled and confusing BUT very precious and worthwhile. I wonder if you can come to accept that she won't ever actually be your mother, and be at peace with that. Only the two of you really know how the relationship functions, and only you can decide for yourself if the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

We're not saying that your LC is evil or bad. What we say is that she is not qualified. Which is a fact. It's not even our opinions - she is not a qualified therapist.

No one likes to see you continue spiraling downwards, but it's all that we see in your threads. You've gone how long without an actual certified therapist helping you? Which is probably the biggest thing your LC could help you with, and it hasn't happened. Instead we're watching you turn into an alcoholic.