Not so fun appointment

Saw the psychiatrist on Monday. It was not a happy session. I'm realizing that he is not a therapist even though he keeps trying to be. I'm frustrated, angry, disappointed, upset, hurt. Pick one. I started zoning out during the session because it was getting painful. I just feel like I have no control. He overextends himself and then complains about it. For example, he said how overwhelmed he was and how many emails I send and how he can't read them or take them in. But if I apologize, he takes that back partly by saying I should still email him. I didn't apologize this session so he didn't take it back. I felt so bad - like I had done something wrong. He set the tone for this relationship and now he's running from it. I feel like he's trying to change the rules without actually changing the rules. I'm afraid - I believe - it's all my fault. That I've behaved inappropriately. That I have the wrong expectations (where did them come from). That I was wrong all the time about him caring. He constantly pursues other ideas outside medicine because he doesn't like medicine as a solution - but this last session he said that I was asking to much from a medicine guy. Next thing you know he's back to talking about cerebellum exercises and building routines, etc. I don't want to hear that I'm to blame, but I think I am. I don't want to hear him criticized, although I'm mad at him and thinking bad thoughts about him. I'm so messed up. There is no right answer. I feel like I ruined everything. But it's too late - I'm addicted or maybe better word attached. I have too many feelings and I don't know what to do about them and I don't know which ones are right or valid and which should be squelched and overcome somehow. I keep crying because I feel like I've lost him - that he's turning away - abandoning me. I feel like I don't have any outlets now - no one to talk to - no one that knows and cares.

Perhaps this is just the way that i read your post, but to me it doesn't seem to be your "fault" at all. I never would have envisioned a psychiatrist who doesn't like medicine as a solution...hmm. To me it seems like you have every right to be confused about the situation, and that the psychiatrist needs to decide exactly where he stands and needs to plant himself there...but that's just me.
i wish you the best anyways, hope everything turns out well.
(((hugs)))

(((((WinterRose)))))

I'm so sorry to hear this stuff. I would agree that he needs to make his boundaries very clear. It's not your fault if he doesn't! It sounds like a regular therapist might be more helpful, but I understand the attachment thing. It would be so hard to change to someone else.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

Is it possible for you to find a therapist to see also? Maybe do both for a while and find out what works best?

Sidony

Many psychiatrists are not good at therapy. They are the "medicine guy." Does he normally do therapy with his clients? A great deal of insurance companies refuse to pay for a psychiatrist to do therapy. So, he may not have a lot of experience doing therapy.
As for e-mails, there will probably be times that you might over do it especially if he has a lot of medication check clients (15 minutes sessions). My agency keeps the Pdocs very busy with a lot of 15 minutes sessions and 50 minute assessment/diagnoses sessions. They probably never do therapy. My first psychiatrist had to take a phone call in the middle of session because it might have been an in-patient (I get help at an out patient clinic at the hospital). Some how she was supposed to be seeing out-patients while being on-call for in-patients. Since this only happened once, I suspect that it is not common practice. However, Pdocs are very busy and it might be better to try a therapist because they do therapy on a regular basis, probably have less clients (takes less 50 minute sessions to fill a day than 15 minute med. checks), cheaper overall (may have different affect on co-pay) and have more time for you.
As for medication versus therapy, there is some people in society who would rather take a pill rather than work on changing one's lifestyle. Many doctors understand that most illnesses have a biological and psychological component. I found that my Pdocs had an annoying tendency to try to do therapy a little during the 15 minute med check. I had trouble not laughing at them. I can do it better without their two cents. I think pdocs sometimes think we all want a "happy pill." So they try to remind us that Depression has biological and psychological components. I suspect he emphasizes the psychological because he thinks that his patients get enough of the biological stuff from the constant drug ads. It makes it seem like a drug should fix us without working on it. I suspect that you know and understand the need to work on things and don't need to hear this constant prod to work on things. You might consider seeing a therapist and having him work the drug angle. But, if you are attached to him. It might be painful to shift over to a different person for therapy. So, its up to you.

Thanks for the hugs.

I do see a therapist as well. I've been seeing her longer than I have him - more than twice as long. But I never had any of this with her - I'm not terribly attached or emotionally involved with her. In fact, the change to this psychiatrist actually got us out of a dead spot in therapy.

I'm sure I've overdone the emails and it's hard to stop. It doesn't help that everytime I offer cutting back the psychiatrist encourages me to continue - 'he wants to know what's going on.' I can't seem to get the right balance. If I don't write he mentions it and I think I remember him saying that it concerned him. If I do write, then it's too much for him.

My psychiatrist isn't pro-drugs strangely enough. He'd rather find another way. I'm not pro-drugs and feel that I have to go through things in order to heal and not just medicate my feelings away. So it's not that. Anyways - I have to wait until next week to go over all this junk with my therapist. It's really hitting me hard and I didn't bargain for that. I let myself get involved in the relationship - I allowed myself to trust and to believe. So, this is very hard. I'm not sure if I should shut down and just go total business like with him now - what's the point in coming in for 30 minutes every month if we switch to just drug monitoring. I had a psychiatrist who did just that and it didn't help any.

I suppose this is all good anyways because now this will have to be dealt with in therapy. Yea - a new wound to dig into. A new reincarnation of abandonment - especially by men.

I wasn't in the room but based on your comments it doesn't seem like he handled the situation right.

Was he originally answering your emails? If so, and you've increased contact perhaps you need to see him more often to work something out that you can't do with your current therapist. If you've increased contact because he doesn't repond timely or at all sometimes maybe this is just because he's busy. I know I've jumped to those conclusions before so I try now to limit my contact to phone messages and only if I really need to. It's easier on my emotional state that way.

He may not have the skills though to help you with what you need. I can understand your frustration. What does your therapist say about this?

Hello WR.
I hope things get better for you soon. If you are not receiving the support you need at this time from your therapist, Perhaps you need to find someone who is more adventageous for your future. I hope the best for you . Take care WR. Soidhonia

(((WinterRose)))

It is so hard to know where boundaries need to be, it doesn't help when they are continually moved around. I struggle enough with trying to figure out what is okay and what is not - I would not be able to handle someone changing their mind or giving me conflicting information. I would ask your T what she thinks.

I always talk to T about boundaries as I can difficulty with them as well. After we discuss it, it always seems to resonate and make more sense.

(((all)))

I'll let you know what happens after I see the Therapist next Tuesday. She said we could discuss it then. I am calming down some now.

Well - I had a good chat with my therapist today. She said this was a topic she'd been wondering how to bring up and she was glad we discussed it. Although I'm doing a lot of damage in the relationship by pushing my psychiatrist so far and so hard that it looks like I've scared him, she also felt that he has issues too. I had to laugh when she used the word co-dependent and when she said, "You clever girl, you've discovered his weak spots" since I've been attacking his insecurities. We both have boundary problems too and I've just written him with some suggested rules to start with. He's really not trained to be a therapist, but I attempt to do therapy with him.

The confrontation last week with him really rocked my boat - I felt like I lost an anchor and that my world tilted. But now I realize what was going on for me and can redefine things for myself. It was good that things came to a head for me because now I can be more careful about pushing my psychiatrist over the edge and eventually making him refer me elsewhere. (I don't want to go elsewhere - He is good at what he does do.)

My therapist suggested new ways to approach my psychiatrist. Like instead of having an argument with him for reals, that I tell him I feel the need to have an argument (and I do, but I don't know why) and say maybe we could talk about it. She also suggested I evaluate whether or not I'm getting what I need from the appointments and if I should see him quite so frequently - which I had just begun considering. It will save me insurance allowed visits to use elsewhere.

Anyways - I'm glad that it's not just me having a problem even if I am the instigator.