Screwed up in fine style.

That's a lot of detail. Usually if I include that much detail I want to elicit a certain response. I'm all for having your say but for your health why not follow stopdog's suggestion?

Short and sweet. When you give excuses, you're cracking a door. Slam that thing shut.

"I'm canceling all upcoming appointments. Please do not contact me." - IG

Then send a separate email with, "Please provide my records. Thank you" to whomever is in charge of dealing with that.

The end. It's professional, polite, and if she does contact you, ignore, ignore, ignore. Pulling from DBT - be a broken record and in this case it means no matter what, do not respond to her.

Hi IG, I used the term leaking, but I was not referring to leaking the truth. I meant leaking your personal power, giving it away for her to do what she wants with it. You don't see it that way, but I just wanted to clear up what I meant. Less, in this case, is more.

In general, when it comes to last chances to say what's on your mind, I tend to think we regret the things we don't say.

She is the first person that I have had this pattern with, where I have not lost my temper and torn strips off them. I didn't think I was going in there to do that today- I really wanted to stay in control, and be assertive, but not lash out and spit out what I think very savagely. I went too far the other way, and dissolved. Somebody hand me a grip.

IG, this^ is what made me think that your usual pattern of ending relationships is to burn them up. So I was thinking to be able to handle a break-up completely differently might be empowering. My fear is that the emotional backlash from going out "in a blaze of glory" may not be the elation and satisfaction you anticipate, but rather a feeling of self-hatred or defeat. Understand, I don't think she can be of help to you anymore; but I want you to walk away feeling strong, not destabilized.

I'm glad you called the emergency counseling center, IG, and that they were able to let you know that they will get you ASAP. Here's hoping that they have an opening quickly! You deserve the support.

I was going to comment yet again on whether or not to send the lengthier email but then, after reading your responses, I realized that you have probably already made your decision and acted on it. I totally understand and I hope that letting her know how she made you feel soothes some of the hurt!
Only you know what works for you.

She is the first person that I have had this pattern with, where I have not lost my temper and torn strips off them. I didn't think I was going in there to do that today- I really wanted to stay in control, and be assertive, but not lash out and spit out what I think very savagely. I went too far the other way, and dissolved. Somebody hand me a grip.

IG, this^ is what made me think that your usual pattern of ending relationships is to burn them up. So I was thinking to be able to handle a break-up completely differently might be empowering. My fear is that the emotional backlash from going out "in a blaze of glory" may not be the elation and satisfaction you anticipate, but rather a feeling of self-hatred or defeat. Understand, I don't think she can be of help to you anymore; but I want you to walk away feeling strong, not destabilized.

I went to the session. In my head, I was strong. What motivated me to go was feeling irritated at my own spinelessness if I just shrank away and didn't go back. I wanted to confront her, lay out all my complaints on the table, and re-assert myself. Say that it's not acceptable, I am going, I am not abusive and actually come to think of it - you are being rather abusive yourself.

Cowardice has always been something I can't stand to feel in myself, if I think I'm copping out of something I make myself do it, even if it's not wise. And I should have know by now. But I honestly felt so tough. I was wearing clothes that make me feel very much like myself (fur bolero, good boots) and a good spritz of perfume that makes me feel good, and had blasted loads of music that makes me feel upbeat. I thought I had it.

I just turned into a mouse in the room, feeling like I was being watched by an indifferent and bored cat, suddenly all the fight went out of me I was talking and talking, trying to keep the cat happy, and confused because some of the things she said do make sense. My behaviour elicits this response in others who are very close, ie family, partners, so what am I doing to get this response??? She has a point there? She said, you basically told me I'm sh#t, and I won't take that after all I've done, I don't take abuse from anyone.

Now I am more confused, I don't feel safe at all, but there is information there that is useful. I don't know if you have seen the old movie Mrs Frisby & the Rats of Nimh, but there is a bit where the field mouse goes to get advice from the owl who is terrifying. The owl gives some advice that points Mrs Frisby in the direction of how to save her son's life, but at the same time she is terrified he might eat her. That's where I am.

I hate feeling weak, and I hate feeling like she has a point because it makes my points less solid. I don't hate her, but interestingly I don't feel love towards her either (good) because I think I'm too busy being afraid and mistrustful (bad, cowardly).

She is the first person that I have had this pattern with, where I have not lost my temper and torn strips off them. I didn't think I was going in there to do that today- I really wanted to stay in control, and be assertive, but not lash out and spit out what I think very savagely. I went too far the other way, and dissolved. Somebody hand me a grip.

Well I don't know about IG, but I'd be confused by a lot of the feedback here. In one breath she's being told to take stock of her feelings, terminate with her therapist and take control of the situation. In the next, she's being warned not to 'burn bridges'.

Some bridges need to be torched. Ones that lead to sloppy manipulative so called therapists should be burned until there's not a cinder left.

All that really matters is that you, IG, do what you need to do for yourself. To be honest, you don't really need 7 -8 pages of forum feedback to make this decision. You know what to do. So do it, and then find a therapist worthy of you.

Oh and PS, I don't want to throw another spanner in the works but the relationship you've described with your therapist up until this point does not comprise love. Love does not leave you anxious, desperate, clinging, confused and afraid. Ever.

When someone loves you, you will feel comforted, secure and safe. What you had with your therapist was dysfunctional attachment clothed in the trappings of care.

Oh and PS, I don't want to throw another spanner in the works but the relationship you've described with your therapist up until this point does not comprise love. Love does not leave you anxious, desperate, clinging, confused and afraid. Ever.

When someone loves you, you will feel comforted, secure and safe. What you had with your therapist was dysfunctional attachment clothed in the trappings of care.

My complaint process was a clash of the titans, with the therapist telling lies and twisting my words.

It's strategy.

What was the outcome of your complaint missbella? What was the complaint?

PS I'm pretty bookish, soft spoken and if anything, excessively polite.

Do you know if you're allowed to make recordings and emails part of the complaint process?

IG, my wish is that you can put away self-recrimination around what happened and see the blame where it belongs--with the therapist. It was solely her responsibility to keep treatment on track and to take stock, get her own consultation and take care of business if the relationship went awry. You're doing the job she can't handle by severing this.

You even said there wasn't a 100 percent consensus about your diagnosis, so I wish you could put aside that label. I do know that you're gracious here and acknowledge our feedback, etc. I appreciate that.

I've meet a few of the women from TELL and a couple of others in person recovering from harmful therapy. Despite extremely intelligent, competent women,they found harmful therapy extremely disorienting and confusing. Likewise are reports of Deborah Lott's In Session, Yvonne Bates' Shouldn't I be Feeling Better by Now, Dorothy Tennov's Psychotherapy, the Hazardous Cure.

You seem to have far more clarity and composure than I did when I first fled. Bad therapy has all the earmarks of cult brainwashing. Untangling it isn't easy for the strongest person.

Regardless of diagnosis, the therapist remains the authority. If she is incapable to dealing with someone of a certain diagnosis or with particular traits, then it is her responsibility to recognize and refer out if needed. Furthermore, it is her responsibility to define boundaries and to enforce them in a way that is both effective and skillful.

Your responsibility is to focus on whatever your goal is with regards to therapy. The boundaries you learn to respect are the ones that are clearly defined and yet, she should be skillful to redirect you when you encroach on them.

As for the confusing bit, it's one thing to walk away, it's another to walk away with a fireball behind you because you just blew something up. In this case, I think the most effective thing to do is to walk away without the fireball. Don't leave the door open, don't be passive aggressive, don't find a way to ruin her. Just walk away.

Then, from there, find another T and process what happened. Perhaps a complaint needs to be filed. Maybe not. Having someone with whom to check the facts will be helpful.

A diagnosis is useful in some ways and in other ways, it's utterly useless. Don't define yourself by what "BPD people do." Define yourself by what you do and who *you* are and look for a T who is going to treat you as an individual and not a diagnosis.