It's definate 6-8 weeks and T is gone

I am a mess.......already near crisis, and then this in todays session. I know I had good warning, and I had a feeling he would cinfirm today.......just......

How? How can I cope, my emotions are out of control! I just want to not exist and not have to feel this.

I could not say anything, of my own feelings that is. Just strangled by guilt and fear. And now facing a huge job of finding someone else......

I cant explain how that process needs to happen here......my brain is not functioning properly. Barely keeping it together....

And I think more than evet before in the last 4 years sober..........I desperately need and want to get a drink. I want to not feel......this hurts so much!! He said he would see me through this, he got me to trust and be attached to him, to feel safe for the first time, safe to explore all this........it is so not ok........

Sorry to vent, just worried for myself......and here I can actually say what I need to say......slowly, eventually...if that is ok.

Jane... I have been in a similar place as my YT had told me 8 weeks before he was moving out of the country... It is very painful...it might not feel like it right now but you will find the strength to survive...

Hugs! I'm sorry you're going through this.

So sorry you are going through this. I have been through a lot of terminations with therapists and all of them were painful.

I am going to be going through another one in October with my therapist of 6 years because I am moving. I am already sad thinking about it. She has been with me through trauma, job losses, getting jobs, losing both parents, losing my cat. I don't know how I am going to deal with it. I have shared more with her than any other therapist.

I wish I had some sage words of advice to give you but I don't. My last therapists I got only three sessions to say goodbye so I kind of understand how hard it is to deal with sudden endings.

Just be gentle on yourself if you can. Allow yourself to grieve. You lost someone important to you. You aren't alone.

It is quiet now, Friday night, got my boy to bed.........and I feel completely alone with this, and completely destroyed.

I just realised it is Friday 13th. Hah!

I'm stunned............I don't know what to do. How can I find a new therapist(if I can face that right now) and end this bloody relationship that has meant so much to me, and write papers for my degree, and be a good mum, and work, and and and and and...............

And grieve........I don't even know how to do that. I only know how to stuff & hide emotional pain. I only know to self medicate with booze, and I really want that now, that oblivion.

I know this is a complainy bit of writing, and I should be able to manage by now.........I just don't know how. I'm sorry to vent it out here........I need help with this........I don't have a partner to support me, my family don't want to know, I have one close friend but it is too much to burden someone with all the time.

I'm scared, and have already been experiencing ptsd panic attacks and big instability this week, before this happened. I am scared........

Oh i'm so sorry, i can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.

Is seeing another t on the cards or too raw right now?

I'm sorry this is so painful. I hope you can spend time with your t working through all the emotions. It's a huge loss and I hope you are able to express your feelings and emotions to your t so he can help and guide you through them

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is painful and it will be a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm still dealing with the loss of a long term T. I wasn't able to talk to my T about ending it because it was due to her terminal illness. You, on the other hand, have 6 to 8 weeks to talk to your T about your emotions with this. Will your T be able to recommend other possible T's for you? It would help if you could start looking for a new T before your current T is gone. I know it helped me to just know that my T had someone in mind for me. It meant she had thought about me and cared what happened to me.
I found out last October that my T was ill. Saw her two more times and that was it. Last time I saw her was Dec. 9th. She's in hospice now. I've been seeing the new T since November. I still cry about old T almost every day, but the pain is slowly subsiding and new T is wonderful and dealing with my pain and easy to talk to. Joining PC and having my eyes opened has been a HUGE help, too!
Nobody's pain from loss is the same, but I would urge you to get with a new T as soon as you can so you can start to deal with all these emotions. You are grieving, and it's totally normal in this situation. You WILL undoubtedly get through this!

*Everybody* needs support when they're facing a huge loss. This is a huge loss. This is somebody that cares about you, and helps you, and that you trust... who is not going to be here for you anymore. It's OK to complain, and cry, and be hurt, and be lost... don't beat yourself up for feeling unsure about how to manage

And, JaneC, I'm so sorry. I've had a really hard time with therapy and trust and stuffing emotions too... and I'm not quite there yet with my T, but I can imagine how awful and painful it would be to get to that place, to finally be ready to dig in and start doing the real hard work of therapy, and to feel hopeful about getting through it finally, and to have that taken away

It sucks. I really hope your T is able to help you process some of this before he goes... but I'm so sorry that you have to go through it at all.

Take care of yourself, and try to take it a little easy if you can. *hugs*

I am so sorry. This is such a hard thing to face. I didn't want a new T, but i did find that overlapping the two was helpful. I could still talk to previous T about grieving for him while in session with my new T. And by the time i was down t only having new T, we had established enough of a relationship that i knew i liked working with him. (Even though i was very pouty that he was not old T!!)

I'm so sorry
That's my biggest fear right now with my T...you will get through this though! You've gotten yourself this far, you will be able to cope! It's going to hurt for awhile just like any loss in life does but you will grow just as much from this experience as you have while working with him. Wishing you the best!

I have done everything to cope today......my mum duties are done, my boy is at hus dads......

Im not doing ok. I just spent 10 minutes standing in front ifthe wine.fridge at the supermarket. It took all my effort to walk away.

Now Im sat in my car on the street with a bottle store(liquor store/off licence) on either side.of the street from me.....I cant get myself ti drive away to an empty house. I want a drink.so badly.......

I am a mess.......i hate myself right now....i just.need to accept this and move on.....but i can't

I really think a drink would help....i know it is stupid thinking after 4 years sober......



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Could you go home and do something nice for yourself? Put on cozy jammies or curl up with a book? What kind of comfort activities do you enjoy?

I came home. I sat there so long.......and eventually was able to pull myself away.

I sat outside and tried to mindfully watch the sun set..........

It was not my best moment.....I really wanted to call the crisis team, and ask for their help to work it through with me, I was stuck, like I have been before when completely panicked. But I couldn't call, because then my therapist would find out and I was worried about saying something about him leaving.....because he hasn't given his official notice yet. I didn't want to say something I shouldn't.

Now....I am doing the next best thing to drinking, I'm eating and eating and stuffing all these emotions away.

Believe me I am trying.......I am trying to accept the situation, and plan for a good ending. I am trying to think how I can use this ending to support me the best way. I want to avoid, but I am trying to tell myself to go back and see him. I am trying to remain in the present moment, do today.........just.........I can only seem to last so long with the positive front.

How long will this last?

I am so glad that you made it home without drinking. Please reach out to the crisis team if you need to do so. T can work it out on his own.. plus he's leaving them anyway, right?

It will not last forever. I remember when I felt like it would. I think waiting for the end date was almost worse than officially being done. At least at that point I knew I'd hit the final low, and that my healing had begun. Plus I think some level of numbness took over once it actually happened. That was a welcome relief.

I can tell that you are really trying to work through this. I hope are you not pushing yourself too hard to be strong about this. It is great you are trying to make the best of this and use it in a positive way. That speaks volumes about your strength and potential to heal.

It is perfectly normal to be upset about this. It is difficult. It is painful. It is unfair. It is sad. It sucks. Keep posting.