Couch 91 - Forget the small change

So I'm on board with the gender fluidity concept, and it is my understanding that for some, it means they might feel more feminine in some aspects at times, and can switch to feeling more masculine at other times.

This plays out for me in an odd way. Physically, I have what could be considered a feminine build (big boobs + curves), much to my dismay at times. But I've always been a tomboy, passed for a boy for a few years before puberty put a quick stop to that, and I dress pretty neutrally most days (jeans + chucks + t-shirts or hoodies). I rarely wear makeup. So I don't think most people would categorize me as a "feminine" person. Sometimes I'll change it up and wear a flowy shirt, and form-fitting jeans, and boots, with my hair down, and on those days I come across as very feminine (still no makeup though). And I definitely FEEL more feminine on those days, whereas I FEEL more gender neutral (though still slightly towards the feminine side of things) most days.

What I wonder is: where does behavior and personality fit into all this? I'd say that I have pretty "feminine" values. I put a great deal of effort into relationship building (on personal, professional, and community levels), I am not a particularly competitive person (a trait some might consider more "masculine"), and I am a caregiver extraordinaire (thanks, cr@ppy childhood!). If those values informed my gender in any way, I'd say I'm pretty darn feminine. Does any of this make sense?

I had a few (er, several) beers a few weeks ago with a friend, and we came up with this...what if gender was measured on an X/Y graph, with appearance being one axis and values being the other? IDK, just something we were happily bantering about after a few strong beers.

Anyway, I think this is great stuff to talk about with your T. I know I've chewed my T's ear off over random stuff like this several times. It is very strange to think about yourself and your identity in a whole different context. And sorry for the delay in responding!

Well I seem to have gotten in trouble for the wrong actions of my friend, I seem to have made up with him but I don't know how much longer this can go for.

I bought a book. I started reading it. I don't think I can finish it for a while. It hurts to read it and I just want to cry and cry (it's a nonfiction book and there's discussion of parents who harm their children to the point of death through medical neglect).

I just.

I can't.

I'm sad because I really like this author but all I want to do is curl up with my boys.

I've never met a stay-at-home father here in the U.S.

Well, they don't get out much.

Gender. I think of myself as a woman whether I'm wearing a backward baseball cap or a low-cut little black dress.

Well, they don't get out much.

Well, they don't get out much.

I like shows on the disney channel. Not the scary ones where they kill off the mother or have wicked step sisters or dogs with rabies.

I like shows on the disney channel. Not the scary ones where they kill off the mother or have wicked step sisters or dogs with rabies.

I like liv and maddie

I know dads in the US don't tend to go on long stretches of parental leave, but that was not what I referred to in my post. Tere are countries where it is very much the norm for both parents to take long parental leaves, and there is plenty of research showing that when both parents (in a heterosexual marriage with children) have the same opportunity of staying home with the kids, on average they will split the leave days fairly equally. Again, there is a lot of individual variation between individual couples. I don't personally know any dads who took less than six months of paternal leave (nine to twelve months is more common in my experience) but I don't think my acquaintances are necessarily representative.

Me, I would hate to be home with kids. I'm sure H would have loved it though.