Couch 91 - Forget the small change

*curls up in the corner*

I can't sleep :-/

So, today in T I mentioned that I'm overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do RIGHT NOW!! T told me that I didn't have a time limit anymore (he was referring to my four month time limit in the shelter, it ended up being five but yeah...). Then at the end of the session he got me to promise to do x and y this week. I told him I'd try but that I didn't want to promise because I didn't know if I could do it. So he gave me to my next appointment and I gave in.
Seriously dude. I love you and all but you have the memory of a freakin' goldfish.

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lol JS.

Zzzz.... So tired. Gah.

I'm not exactly depressed and not exactly paranoid but there is a chill on my soul.

I'm a bit nervous for therapy today.

Up again.

Gah.

Not cool.

I'm a ball of anxiety these last few days, and consequently got about 30 minutes of actual sleep last night. Gonna be hitting the caffeine hard today.

same here kaydubs. im so full of anxiety I seem to be always sick to my stomach these days as it is always turning . I just am not dealing very well at all

I've felt something I could describe like that before. I never figured out where it came from. Hope the chill passes, CE.

Penguinh:

I wish I had something more helpful to say.

Slept fairly well for the second night in a row. And today I WILL activate myself and get more than the minimum done. I hold myself to this.

Hey everyone, happy Wednesday, yada yada yada. I'm tired, as usual. I should probably change my status to "tired" instead of "stressed" but can't gather up the gumption to do it.

HEY GRANITE!!!!!! See how I played nice and let you have your space this time? It was very hard for me not to pester you while you were absent. I hope you are feeling better now!!

I'm trying to force myself to look at my school website, and face up to how much work I've missed since I was sick the whole week after Spring Break and I haven't even opened the website since then. . .Chicken!! The anxiety is killing me!

It's like, I know I've missed a lot, and I know a lot of deadlines have passed, but if I don't go back and continue to work from today forward I AM GOING TO FAIL all 4 classes for absences. Every day that passes the anxiety gets even stronger, and I become even more scared, but I'm just missing more and more work by putting this off.

BLAH! GAH!! ACK!!! EEK!!!! I can't think of any more shouts of frustration, but you get the point.

Morning couch.

2 steps forward 1 step back...
2 steps forward 1 step back...

1 step forward 3 steps back...

I hate it when you have a good day, you feel stronger, you feel clarification and then you get knocked on your *** by your emotions and things you can't control.

*runs far away*

SM-Do you have a dean of students (or someone with some similar title) who helps students navigate? I usually send students to that person when they have issues with health/missing classes. I have suggested students withdraw rather than fail some classes - but it is better to talk to the dean/professors early rather than later. Often we can come up with a plan moving forward, but if the student waits until the end of the semester - we have other recourse than the failing grade. And no one wants to have to do that.

Thanks SD! I should probably just email all 4 professors to start with. Explain why I've missed 7 tests/quizzes, multiple discussion board posts, and failed to turn in a paper.

I don't expect them to allow me to turn in the assignments late, or make them up, but I still need to continue the classes from now until end of term!

GRRRRR It's making my heart race just thinking about sending these emails. Damn anxiety.

I think this is a great idea. Something that helps me when I get anxious about writing an email is to compose it in a separate program (Word, Textedit, etc.), then just quickly open up gmail and drop my email into a new message and send it off right away. Something about composing the email without having to look at the recipient's email address or their original email (if I'm sending a reply) lessens the stress for me. It's almost like I get to trick my jerkbrain into thinking I'm not actually writing to that person.

I hate the feeling where I'm so depressed nothing sounds interesting.

I feel like most of what I do is just to pass time. Pass time until what? I don't know. Until I think it's socially acceptable to drink a glass of wine or to go to bed? Or until I can watch tv?

What do I mark time for?

Snowdrops or white crocuses or something on the side of the hospital hill! Eta on the bus ride to/from t. Hmm - gonna have to make a special trip to see them before my next session or else i will miss too much.

worrying about depression coming back. it can't.

The seven year old is home with the flu and now I'm feeling achey and nauseous. Ugh.

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Ugh, I know that feel too well.

I wrote an email to my T this morning about an issue I didn't bring up in session yesterday. It's complicated and related to my experience IP.

I think might email again just to babble a bit. He lets me. He doesn't respond which actually makes me feel good because I pretend he doesn't really read them.

I'm so weird.

........

My T told me he was worried about me in T yesterday because I haven't been emailing. Dude is right. I withdraw and shut down when I'm not doing so good... And I've been feeling kinda distant from him. Like I drift off and it doesn't matter if I don't see him again.
I should email him this week.

Eta: not necessarily a bad thing - it's helping with my awareness...

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Sick child is well enough to complain about being bored but not well enough to do anything A trip to Walgreens for some kids' nighttime cold medicine is in my future. Otherwise I foresee a Very Sleepless Night.

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