What does your T look like?

PinkFlamingo99 · Jun 13, 2015, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ameliaxxx

I really can't see past the fact she probably isn't as nice as she is in sessions. She has a life, and has her own flaws outside of the room. There is, SO MUCH more I'm missing and not seeing outside of the 10x10 ft room we sit in. A whole world full of information and truth, and other parts of her, that I don't see or ever will. But I know it's there.

And I can't see past that, if the therapeutic relationship wasn't there, she wouldn't care at all. She wouldn't know me. But it is not the how, but the why we met. Why do I care so much. I've seen her for nearly 5 years and I STILL CARE. I'm upset that I'm getting better and I won't need her anymore eventually, and I know once it comes it won't matter to me at that point but it hasn't come, and I don't want it to. Because if I really do want to let go at some point, then life really is just that impersonal. That's a very unsettling concept for me

This is really depressing. I just wanted to know the why about my transference, which was helpful at first. Now I know too much and have analyzed too much. The truth hurts. I wish I was ignorant about it again. I feel silly and emotional while everyone else is stable and can go through without this level of attachment. I really ****ing hate this.

I'm sorry I'm ranting !!!

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I don't think having strong feelings about someone after 5 years is neccessarily "transference." It's natural to have feelings after that long.

1stepatatime · Jun 13, 2015, 11:31 PM

My T.... hmmmm,early 40s,.very tall, in good shape, long blonde hair, grey eyes, wears heals most of the time. ..sometimes dresses a little risqué. .which is distracting at times. ..I guess I could say she looks a little like Helen Hunt....very attractive woman

scorpiosis37 · Jun 14, 2015, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ameliaxxx

I know! A lot of T's are attractive... Then you got the ones that just look like a big pile of dog crap... I don't get it. It's like, nothing in berweeb.

My T is very much in between. Shes an average looking mom type. I don't find her physically attractive, but I love who she is as a person so I've grown to appreciate her smile, her eyes, her gestures, etc. I like the fact that i relate to her in a maternal way, so it works for me. It would NOT be healthy for me to work with a T that I had a crush on, so I'm actually grateful that my T is not more attractive!

I also find it interesting that so many people on the forum seem to prefer the natural look. My T is natural, and she prefers that in othwrs as well. I, on the other hand, wear make-up, do my hair, paint my nails, etc-- and that is what i am attracted to in others as well (I'm a lesbian). To each their own

rainbow8 · Jun 14, 2015, 02:24 AM

I can't think of anyone famous that my T looks like. She is thin and about 5' 7 I would guess. She has beautiful dark brown wavy hair, shoulder length or a little longer. Her eyes are greyish. She usually doesn't wear much make-up but occasionally she does. She has a beautiful smile that lights up her face. She's in her early 50's but looks younger. I think she's very pretty.

Tearinyourhand · Jun 14, 2015, 04:03 AM

do the loving feelings that can come up make our Ts more attractive? I only ask bc when i scroll through online listings for therapists most, particularly the women, are bland boring mousy haired unstylish 30ish social worker types with mom cuts and frumpy clothes. the men are mostly balding, paunchy and really OLD.

Jun 14, 2015, 04:44 AM

Like a cross between this photo of Amy from Everybody Loves Raymond and this photo of Dr. Pixie from Embarrassing Bodies.

What does your T look like?

ThingWithFeathers · Jun 14, 2015, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ameliaxxx

That hair!!

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I love it and am sooo jealous of it.

nottrustin · Jun 14, 2015, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by growlycat

I would find Bea to be a rather intimidating therapist!

Bea Arthur as there actress on golden girls yes not sure about her in real life. T on the other hand is not. She is very motherly
.I don't see as my mother figure. More like the aunt who is very important to me and provides me with deal of support and guidance

rainbow8 · Jun 14, 2015, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tearinyourhand

do the loving feelings that can come up make our Ts more attractive? I only ask bc when i scroll through online listings for therapists most, particularly the women, are bland boring mousy haired unstylish 30ish social worker types with mom cuts and frumpy clothes. the men are mostly balding, paunchy and really OLD.

I think the answer is yes! Most people become more attractive when you get to know them and like or love them, whether T or someone else. When I first started seeing my T I thought her face was all mouth, and she was so thin I didn't know how I could even look at her. Gradually, as therapy progressed, I thought she became prettier, and more attractive. Now I think she's beautiful! She used to wear unattractive glasses but got contacts, so there were some changes. For the most part, though, the quote "beauty is the eyes of the beholder" is true. IMO.

ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tearinyourhand

do the loving feelings that can come up make our Ts more attractive? I only ask bc when i scroll through online listings for therapists most, particularly the women, are bland boring mousy haired unstylish 30ish social worker types with mom cuts and frumpy clothes. the men are mostly balding, paunchy and really OLD.

Probably

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Tearinyourhand · Jun 14, 2015, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ameliaxxx

Probably

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I asked because I showed pics of T to by bff and while she agreed w/ my selection of celebrity doppelgänger she didn't think it translated to much and said my T was "dad hot" at best but not as remarkable as I made him out to be.

Restin · Jun 14, 2015, 02:22 PM

Artemis, my goal in therapy is to thoroughly work on my Transference issues so that T seems "normal" to me, like yours has become. Though my inner child still holds on, my adult self knows that life will be better when we have a more mature relationship with T and all other important people to come into life. Your experience is an inspiration, and I hope continues to work out well for you.
Meanwhile, my T looks so much like Joan Collins that all I have to do is watch old Dynasty shows to feel like I'm with her. That's in spite of the evil role Collins plays...I even think that's cute...and maybe means I'm even more messed up than ever.

ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tearinyourhand

I asked because I showed pics of T to by bff and while she agreed w/ my selection of celebrity doppelgänger she didn't think it translated to much and said my T was "dad hot" at best but not as remarkable as I made him out to be.

Oh wow... My friend said my T was hot. But idk she is kinda weird like me. I doubt the average teen girl my age would find a mother age woman "hot".

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Restin · Jun 14, 2015, 02:33 PM

This has got to be the best topic ever on PsychCentral, IMO

stopdog · Jun 14, 2015, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tearinyourhand

do the loving feelings that can come up make our Ts more attractive? I only ask bc when i scroll through online listings for therapists most, particularly the women, are bland boring mousy haired unstylish 30ish social worker types with mom cuts and frumpy clothes. the men are mostly balding, paunchy and really OLD.

"Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?"
Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella

ScarletPimpernel · Jun 14, 2015, 02:44 PM

I personally don't think my level of attachment affected my perception of how my Ts look.

I asked 4 family members about my ex-T. They all agreed she was beautiful and could be a model. And I asked my fiance and my mom about new T and they agree she looks like a petite Melissa Joan Hart and is cute.

I don't percieve all my past Ts as gorgeous or hot. They're all beautiful in their own way, but not necessarily to society. One ex-T who I had no attachment to looked like Martha Stewart. A good ex-T I saw for 4 years (and had matetnal transference with) was tiny, skin and bones, and had to keep her hair short otherwise it would be a huge fro (spelling?). My Pdoc who I'm slightly attached ti is beautiful but in an average way.

So maybe for some, the attachment/transference changes the perception, but it doesn't for me.

Addition: my last ex-T (Olivia Wilde) is an ex-T because she abandoned me. It's a long story... It's been 13.5 weeks, so I'm still dealing with the grief.

Partless · Jun 14, 2015, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ameliaxxx

I know! A lot of T's are attractive... Then you got the ones that just look like a big pile of dog crap... I don't get it. It's like, nothing in between.

But I don't think therapy would work for me if I didn't have intense transference to my T. I don't open up or even socialize/communicate with anyone unless I find them attractive and REALLY like them... And they have to be female. I don't open up to males. (I'm female). I have like this one type, with little flexibility, that I am attracted to.

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haha (bolded)

Yeah I get what you saying, I definitely think it's important to really like your T in order to really open up. For me if I love them though, that can be a distraction. But at the same time that kind of closeness and intimacy a lot of times brings up love and so I think maybe if a person can even work through those feelings, it can be that additional benefits in terms of future relationships. Because this would be (should be) a safe place to express love without fear of abuse or careless rejection or anything else.

ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I personally don't think my level of attachment affected my perception of how my Ts look.

I asked 4 family members about my ex-T. They all agreed she was beautiful and could be a model. And I asked my fiance and my mom about new T and they agree she looks like a petite Melissa Joan Hart and is cute.

I don't percieve all my past Ts as gorgeous or hot. They're all beautiful in their own way, but not necessarily to society. One ex-T who I had no attachment to looked like Martha Stewart. A good ex-T I saw for 4 years (and had matetnal transference with) was tiny, skin and bones, and had to keep her hair short otherwise it would be a huge fro (spelling?). My Pdoc who I'm slightly attached ti is beautiful but in an average way.

So maybe for some, the attachment/transference changes the perception, but it doesn't for me.

Addition: my last ex-T (Olivia Wilde) is an ex-T because she abandoned me. It's a long story... It's been 13.5 weeks, so I'm still dealing with the grief.

I'm sorry she abandoned you

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Chummy · Jun 14, 2015, 03:56 PM

Most of the previous T's I've had weren't attractive looking. Only like 3 young women who were all around 30 years old, were good looking.
When I was in a facilty (not sure how you call it, but you stayed there with other patients for 5 days a week, therapy every day and in the weekend you went home), but there worked some unique figures. One socio-therapist, she often didn't wear bras, while she really need it. One woman was very butch, dressed and walked like a man.

Chummy · Jun 14, 2015, 04:07 PM

I have commented on my T, but I also want to tell how my pdoc looks like. Because he's so good looking. He's in his early 30's. Very tall, I come to his chin, I think. He's thin, but not too skinny. He would be if he would lose any weight. He has dark brown hair. Sometimes he wears glasses, it looks sexy on him. Maybe his noise is a little bit too big/long for my liking, but it could be much worse. He's clean shaven. He has such a sweet smile. I don't know his eye-color. I'm so nervous around him and I barely look him in the eyes. And when I do, I'm too nervous to remember to look what his eye-color is. I want to know. He doesn't always wear the best clothing. It isn't too bad, I just don't always like his pants. He has such a good body, so many clothing would look good on him.

Unfortunately I can't think of any celeb he might look like, so no photo.

Jun 14, 2015, 04:09 PM

okay! I just ran across a picture I can say makes me think about my t. Replace her hair color for silver, of course.

What does your T look like?

growlycat · Jun 14, 2015, 04:24 PM

I get the sense that CBT T couldn't realistically keep up the attentiveness for long. He has hinted at spousal fighting being normal and he , not long ago, told me that he has his own worries and that he isn't "living the life of Riley." He was probably picking up on how much I cast him in an idealized light and he was setting me straight.

ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chummy

Most of the previous T's I've had weren't attractive looking. Only like 3 young women who were all around 30 years old, were good looking.

When I was in a facilty (not sure how you call it, but you stayed there with other patients for 5 days a week, therapy every day and in the weekend you went home), but there worked some unique figures. One socio-therapist, she often didn't wear bras, while she really need it. One woman was very butch, dressed and walked like a man.

Whoa... No bra

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ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chummy

I have commented on my T, but I also want to tell how my pdoc looks like. Because he's so good looking. He's in his early 30's. Very tall, I come to his chin, I think. He's thin, but not too skinny. He would be if he would lose any weight. He has dark brown hair. Sometimes he wears glasses, it looks sexy on him. Maybe his noise is a little bit too big/long for my liking, but it could be much worse. He's clean shaven. He has such a sweet smile. I don't know his eye-color. I'm so nervous around him and I barely look him in the eyes. And when I do, I'm too nervous to remember to look what his eye-color is. I want to know. He doesn't always wear the best clothing. It isn't too bad, I just don't always like his pants. He has such a good body, so many clothing would look good on him.

Unfortunately I can't think of any celeb he might look like, so no photo.

My T always dresses good... Like there is never a day she isn't dressed perfectly. And while it seems like a lot of work to always wear high heels, make up, and wear perfect clothing, and always have perfect hair despite any weather, it looks like she doesn't have to work at it. She's like, God or something.

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ameliaxxx · Jun 14, 2015, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chummy

I have commented on my T, but I also want to tell how my pdoc looks like. Because he's so good looking. He's in his early 30's. Very tall, I come to his chin, I think. He's thin, but not too skinny. He would be if he would lose any weight. He has dark brown hair. Sometimes he wears glasses, it looks sexy on him. Maybe his noise is a little bit too big/long for my liking, but it could be much worse. He's clean shaven. He has such a sweet smile. I don't know his eye-color. I'm so nervous around him and I barely look him in the eyes. And when I do, I'm too nervous to remember to look what his eye-color is. I want to know. He doesn't always wear the best clothing. It isn't too bad, I just don't always like his pants. He has such a good body, so many clothing would look good on him.

Unfortunately I can't think of any celeb he might look like, so no photo.

It toke me 2 years to know what her eye color was because I couldn't remember or look directly at her.. And it never came up..

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