If your T came to spend the wkend....

Oh lord LOL, the thought of it is making me want to forget T completely LOL, I can imagine after the first night, waking up and having all those little niggly resentments I get in my head whenever anyone has stayed with me LOL. YOu know like, geez why not sit there and let me run house, and why not just help yourself ot my food and why not just stay in my favorite armchair and look bored at the progs I choose to watch and and and I think I'm happy to have the 2 x wky sessions, dont fancy T staying with me now LOL

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mouse_ said:
Oh lord LOL, the thought of it is making me want to forget T completely LOL, I can imagine after the first night, waking up and having all those little niggly resentments I get in my head whenever anyone has stayed with me LOL. YOu know like, geez why not sit there and let me run house, and why not just help yourself ot my food and why not just stay in my favorite armchair and look bored at the progs I choose to watch and and and I think I'm happy to have the 2 x wky sessions, dont fancy T staying with me now LOL

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You crack me up.

But you know what? There is a lot of value to the silly scenarios and answers that we all post on here. They are funny, but they also say a lot.

Mouse, to me this is saying... That you are recognizing that there is a thing as too much of your T. You are owning and recognizing your autonomy. You describe your stuff; a life separate from T. You are seeing T as a real person, not so different from others who have stayed at your house. That's really, really healthy. You should be proud of yourself.

The way we all answer these types of questions is so significant. For example, I am nowhere near the place in which you have gotten to, Mouse. I hope that I will be there someday. But for now, I have yet to individuate from my T.

I know this because my first thought when I read this question was, "Ooooh, a weekend with my T! We would do everything together!!"

First my husband would say, "Oh! T is coming over! I will go spend the weekend at a hotel so you can have time with him." Then T would come over and we would basically spend the weekend going to every used book store in the city, finding amazing books for 5 or 6 dollars. We would visit a couple ethnic restaurants, most likely the Morrocan one, the Afghan one, and a few others. We would come back to my house and hang out with my birds, put on some Bob Dylan or Leonard Cohen, and talk about analysis. He would help me with my essay for doctoral applications (hey, why not? If he's here, lol...) He would sleep on the couch. I would make coffee in the morning.

So that's mine.

Very different from Mouse's, lol. But our answers to these types of questions reflect where we are at in therapy.

Mine reflected my lack of individuation from T, and my desire for us to have the same exact interests, and share them together. No separation at all. I also notice that it reflects my idealistic view of him. Nothing goes wrong during the weekend. It is perfect, everything is "amazing," right down to the books we find for the best price.

If my T came to spend the weekend I would disappear a lot. It would be too intense, plus i would have to clean my house (and I have 3 sons, so not a pretty picture).

Then he would say, "Why do you feel you have to clean?" And we would have to talk about that. And I would say, "Becaue you're a guest in my house and I don't want you to see my mess." And he would offer an inerpretation like, "You make messes and then feel you have to fix them."

And it would go on and on and so I would go out for the day and leave him there with my husband and kids. LOL

Then we would go out for dinner so I don't have to cook and I would order wine and he would say, "What does that do for you?" And I would say, "It relaxes me, changs my mood." And he would say, "What were you feeling that you needed to change?"

And, again, it would go on and on. Nope, I don't want him for the weekend. Not yet anyway.

Hmmmm, reading Sister and Mouse's responses, I might be rethinking this a little, LOL. My scenario was entirely idealistic. What if he came for the weekend and acted exactly like he does in session?

Me: So what would you like to do this weekend?
T: Me? What do you think I'd like to do?
Me: (Already getting frustrated) I don't know! I don't know what you like to do!
T: (Sitting on my couch, legs crossed, smiling calmly, but a big smugly). Sounds like some of that anger is still lingering.
Me: I wasn't angry before! Not until you showed up and started trying to make me angry!!!!
T: Do you think I would try to make you angry?
Me: YES! You would try to provoke me to draw out the anger!!! Anyway, let's just forget this, and try to have a nice weekend. What do you want to drink?
T: What do you think I want to drink?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Time to re-examine the situation.

LOL all the replys LOL!!

Pink, I had the scenario where my T came to a booksale I was running! However, my "mentor" was also with me and she was critical of my T! That was hard, LOL. I kept hidden so my T didn't see me but so I could "spy" on her from afar :-) We did mention it in the next session I think but didn't go anywhere with it.

Now if my T came to spend the weekend, I'd maybe take her for a boat ride, I'd definately keep my husband around and the three of us would discuss "therapy" and emotions; my husband has trouble understanding, probably because I have trouble explaining but he loves/supports anything I want/feel I need to do 100% Would be nice to have some "big guns" to discuss things with him, maybe be able to get more understanding into him.

OH MY! This question just made my heart jump!!!

My house, my hair, my bathroom! Were would I start?

Whew, let me calm down and I'll respond more in a bit.

Seriously, though, what a good and cool question because it makes me question my responses which are definite freak out responses...

Love,

KD

.. i would cling to him and cry. i would show him the pictures of the life i used to have, esp the ones where i look so much younger and carefree even thoug they were taken just 2 yrs ago.

i don't think of it in terms of what would we do as friends.. i often wish he could spend a day in my world getting to see the whole picture. One hour a week is just a bad snapshot.

i'd want him to wander around and snoop, meet the few friends i have and just observe what it's like to be me. It's not a self-absorbed thing exactly, not for it's own sake anyway, more that i think it would help him help me.

I would freak out. I don't think I could handle a whole weekend. How about just one evening? I would make sure the house was clean and that would be stressful. We could sit out on the back deck and share a bottle of wine. Or we could work on our cars together (a significant dream I had about him). Or we could share some fruit (another dream I had about him). I would kind of like to make my symbolic dreams about him very concrete, even though we already have what they symbolize.

I would be glad to bid him good-bye after one evening. It would be really stressful to have him there for the whole weekend. In a way, I am so very functional in the therapy room with him. Sure, he sees the truth, but I think my dysfunctionality would be more on display if he were to spend a whole weekend with me. I kind of don't want to burst the bubble, even though he knows.

If my T came for the weekend I would freak out. First I'd have to go buy a matress for my couch so he wouldn't have to sleep on the couch not pulled out because its very uncomfortable to do this. Then I'd have to figure out what to do if the phone rang do I say he's there and hang up or just carry on the conversation with him listening and analyzing what i am saying. Then I'd have to figure out how do I tell him I don't smoke in the house and he's going to have to go outside like I do to smoke and then do we go out at the same time. I'd also be wondering what does his wife and kids think about him being at my house. I'd be stressing about what do we talk about what do we do? Maybe he could come the weekend Spamalot is in Tulsa and we could go see that. Then there would be the stressing about what do we talk about on the way there and back. Is this a fun weekend or a working weekend? Does my insurance have to pay for it or is he doing this for free.

Omg way too much stuff for me to stress about I don't want my T coming for the weekend.

Jbug

I'm a bachelor (33) and she is a divorced woman (56). And being a bachelor, I'd have to clean up the place first. Not that it isn't clean, but not "company clean". I'd have to rearrange the furniture and move some furniture out of my bedroom into the main rooms. I live in an apartment. My living room basically has a couch. That is it. I put the small kitchen table in my bedroom, where my computer is. And I have a bed...plus some those plastic storage containers that have slide out door that serve has "tv stand" and "stereo" stand. So I'd probably have to rearrange them to be more "people" accessible.

I'm sure I'd sleep on the couch...so she could sleep on the bed (unless she wanted to share)

I'd probably be anxious about her being there at all and long for the time when she left. But at the same time, she'd probably make it okay and be happy with whatever.

But this is all hypothethical. She wouldn't stay with me for the weekend.

OMG,
I never considered if he came that he would sleep here too.....

Not in my bed, not in my son's. Hmmmmmmm. hhahahahhahaha, the mental image of him sleeping here it tooo much for me He'd have to sleep on the couch--he's too tall otherwise. Oh God, now I have to vacuum the couch too, AND come out of my room fully dressed in the morning.

LIke I said, no I don't want him for the weekend.

Very interesting question and responses!

It is interesting that most of you seem to have a T of the opposite sex. Same sex for me.

Also, you all seem to ADORE your T's. I like mine too, but I don't think of her outside of when I see her. I am grateful for her abilities. I see her more as a consultant. Should I be worshiping her? Am I missing out?

But I digress...

If she came to spend the weekend, I would pack a couple of packs and we would hit the trail. I would have to carry the big pack and equipment because she is tiny -- could only probably carry a day pack. Then we'd sit around a campfire and talk about life, roast marshmallows and tell lies.

Hmmmmm...sounds good. Perhaps I'll have to set that up. I wonder what an entire weekend with a T would cost??!! And I'm thinking insurance probably wouldn't cover it......

Okie

bump

I think it could possibly be fun if no one else knew... and if i could forget she knows more than everyone else i know.... lolol....

My therapist and I get along super well... I think had we met one another outside of therapy, we would have had a wonderful friendship. We are both sarcastic, enjoy humor, enjoy writing poetry, painting and music.. particularly Punk.. actually she introduced me to Punk music.... lol. We went to the same undergraduate university and share some similar interest in research, psych.. duh...... we also both have a similar disease.... with chronic pain and are about one year difference in age.. so yeh.. it could bt awesome.

On the other hand, I would probably be a nervous wreck and be totaly uncomfortable.... it would depend on the goal of the weekend... would it be hanging out.. or would it be for the purpose of therapy.... ewwwwww.... LOL...

anyways.... interesting question.

My pdoc came to my house on one occassion. He came on a different day than we had planned and I made him stand on the porch outside while I stuffed all the crap on my floor under the sofa. When I finally let him in he promptly tripped over my cat who let out a big howl and screech and fled the room. I was kind of paranoid about my apartment because I'm sure he is used to nicer things, and my apartment at that time was pretty bare.

Keep it a fantasy, because reality bites.

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pinksoil said:
I am nowhere near the place in which you have gotten to, Mouse. I hope that I will be there someday. But for now, I have yet to individuate from my T.

I know this because my first thought when I read this question was, "Ooooh, a weekend with my T! We would do everything together!!"

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Greetings from Disney! I'm taking a break today. Pink, once again, I have to answer same as you do. That was my first thought too.

The interesting twist to my thoughts are that I never envisioned him coming to my home but me going to his. I have no idea where that is but he once mentioned that he moved to the cool area he has his office in and loves it. I love that area too. I like being near the city rather than the burbs we are in now.

I always picture us just laying around watching movies, have some martinis and tell funny stories about our lives. If we did get into some deep conversation about me or him even, this is the way I'd like to talk. It's really the only way I can truly open up and let all of my feelings out.

But that will never happen so why dwell on it. Great post though Mouse!!!!

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okiedokie said:
I wonder what an entire weekend with a T would cost??!! And I'm thinking insurance probably wouldn't cover it...... Okie

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This is a hoot.

Well ...this is an interesting post indeed.

Thinking of Claire's post--- Well that is close to how I would envision it without notice...

So ... First I would need ALOT of notice... and that would then cause anxiety.

I think I would like to be the kind of person I envision him to be.... but I am not... and so that could be disappointing as I am not sure he would have fun...for a whole weekend. Maybe a meal or a nice evening.

I do wonder as when we are in therapy we show ourselves in a concentrated bundle (or whatever) of therapeutic need or experience. Would that be off limits? Would he be able to share his personal life with me? Good .... fantasy .. but reality ---YIKES... hands over ears and eyes... I do not wish to know this about him. And wow... as truthful as I like to think I am in therapy ... there are certainly things here that have not made it in to that room that would be pulled in as a result and hey...I might not be ready to talk about THAT OR even THAT.

Seriously... my first pdoc and I got together for lunch a few times a year (after a couple years out) and that was great and it was good to see him but the therapy was over... but slipped in..on my part in short little ways. I am glad we did it... and we knew each other over the years better than this current T but it was kinda awkward at times at least when I was feeling needy.

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almeda24fan said:
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pinksoil said:
I am nowhere near the place in which you have gotten to, Mouse. I hope that I will be there someday. But for now, I have yet to individuate from my T.

I know this because my first thought when I read this question was, "Ooooh, a weekend with my T! We would do everything together!!"

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Greetings from Disney! I'm taking a break today. Pink, once again, I have to answer same as you do. That was my first thought too.

The interesting twist to my thoughts are that I never envisioned him coming to my home but me going to his. I have no idea where that is but he once mentioned that he moved to the cool area he has his office in and loves it. I love that area too. I like being near the city rather than the burbs we are in now.

I always picture us just laying around watching movies, have some martinis and tell funny stories about our lives. If we did get into some deep conversation about me or him even, this is the way I'd like to talk. It's really the only way I can truly open up and let all of my feelings out.

But that will never happen so why dwell on it. Great post though Mouse!!!!

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Hey Almeda! Interesting... I never thought of going to his house. I guess that's because of the horrid wedding ring, LOL.... I would assume that since he wears a wedding ring, there would be a wife lurking somewhere in his house. And possibly a kid? Maybe even a dog? No. I wouldn't fare well at his house. Imagine all that transference....

**Dinner with T and his family**

T's Wife: Could you pass the salt?
Me: (Jumps over table and tackles wife while shaking salt on her).

Nope. Wouldn't work out at all.