[Inner_Firefly]

I often hear that therapy is supposed to be a lot of work and painful. Is this true? Does anyone find it fun and enjoyable at all?

My T encourages me to talk about whatever is on my mind, but sometimes I wonder if I'm talking about the right things that T wishes to hear. T reassures me to just keep talking freely. I wonder if this is how other clients do it too?

[ilikecats]

I don't really think there's a way to do therapy wrong. It's different for each person, and while it can be really hard for some people, it can be enjoyable for others. Right now for me, I enjoy going to therapy and seeing my T. But there are some things I'd like to eventually work on, and I expect that to be more difficult. I don't think it matters if you're talking about "the right things that T wishes to hear" because therapy is for you, and whatever you want to talk about is what's right to talk about.

[Argonautomobile]

I've often found therapy fun and enjoyable. Mostly these were sessions that we talked about ideas and just had a nice, intelligent conversation about something tertiary to my issues. Other times I've just been in a FANTASTIC mood, and T mirrors that mood right back at me.

In fact, I spent the last session before a three week break for the holidays just giggling my head off. If only I can remember what was so funny??

There have been other times that sessions were some of the most emotionally painful things I've ever done. It was painful. It was hard. It sucked.

everybody's experience is different--and you certainly don't have to worry one lick about what your T wishes to hear, or about being a "good client" You're not there to please or entertain T. I know what it's like, though, to wonder if you're doing therapy "right." There's not exactly a manual.

If therapy makes you consistently miserable 99% of the time--or consistently happy 99% of the time--it's probably worth talking about. If you just don't know what to think, that's probably worth talking about, too.

[atisketatasket]

Since I consider therapy a necessary evil, I don't find it fun. I can see how it would be if you enjoy your therapist's company, though.

I don't think there is a way to do it wrong, unless you adamantly refuse to change anything about yourself or your life. I think there are mistakes you can make - one of them is to get hung up on the idea of being a good client or doing a good job (there are several recent threads on this).

[Argonautomobile]

Here's an (okay) article I found somewhat useful early on, when I obsessed about being "a good client"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...therapy-client

[stopdog]

I think therapists deliberately keep this sort of information from clients - what is and is not useful. I asked, read books and articles and consulted outside sources because the woman was not forthcoming. I then made therapy into something useful regardless of what the woman thinks - it is not what most here report nor is it what those people report in their books etc, but as they were all unclear and hide the ball from clients - I just changed the game. I do not consider it fun.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think therapists deliberately keep this sort of information from clients - what is and is not useful. I asked, read books and articles and consulted outside sources because the woman was not forthcoming. I then made therapy into something useful regardless of what the woman thinks - it is not what most here report nor is it what those people report in their books etc, but as they were all unclear and hide the ball from clients - I just changed the game. I do not consider it fun.

Ooh, the old hidden ball trick! Still legal in baseball, I believe.

Seriously, I sometimes think the therapists don't know themselves.

[precaryous]

Doesnt it depend on what your/our goals are in seeking therapy?

Current Therapy has been difficult in the past- depending on what we are talking about. Right now it feels supportive and a RELIEF... I'm also getting tips on possible ways to deal with a difficult family member.

Other people may see my T short term for a Bariatric surgeon evaluation. I'm guessing their experience differs from mine.

But to answer he question- yes, there have been lighter enjoyable moments- and laughter. She has a subtle sense of humor.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

For me a way to know that I am doing therapy right is how I will have very intense sessions where I am fighting off tears and end up being really upset later and then I have sessions that I felt very connected to my therapist and I feel like I made great progress. Therapy is hard work. There will be sessions that are your hardest ones and then others that go good and you feel good about.

As someone else said if you are miserable all the time or happy all the time then maybe something isn't right.

[Petra5ed]

Yeah that's how mine works, I bet it depends on your issue though. My therapy seems to be all about my therapist listening, attuned, caring or pretending to care, etc. I think the whole point is so I feel loved, and then I crave that feeling, and then realize I'm not really loved, and that's an old childhood wound of mine, so then it becomes painful and torturous even though I want to see my therapist all the time. So for me, therapy is quite painful while also being quite fabulous. It is painful because there is not more of it and more of him. And painful because I'll never know if how he treats me is how he genuinely feels or if I've just paid for an act so to speak. And then it's fabulous because it's what I crave and what I never get anywhere else, human connection, with someone who treats me nice.

I could kind of give a **** how I am as a client. I mean I want him to like me, and love me even, and really to fall in love with me... but I think that's mostly it, I don't care if I'm a good client or not so long as he loves me, whatever that might take (probably impossible). LOL.

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

I often hear that therapy is supposed to be a lot of work and painful. Is this true? Does anyone find it fun and enjoyable at all?

My T encourages me to talk about whatever is on my mind, but sometimes I wonder if I'm talking about the right things that T wishes to hear. T reassures me to just keep talking freely. I wonder if this is how other clients do it too?

Is all things. Wonderful. Hard. Upsetting. Rewarding.

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think therapists deliberately keep this sort of information from clients - what is and is not useful. I asked, read books and articles and consulted outside sources because the woman was not forthcoming. I then made therapy into something useful regardless of what the woman thinks - it is not what most here report nor is it what those people report in their books etc, but as they were all unclear and hide the ball from clients - I just changed the game. I do not consider it fun.

I think know we should be able to use therapy for our ends. We are paying them to give us new tools or coping strategies , as a dumping ground for our **** or a safe place to talk about what matters to us. A good t is bound by legal confidentiality to keep their mouths shut.

[iheartjacques]

It can be hard or painful if you're talking about bad memories or this game other people have done to hurt you or what a loved one is going through.

I too have sometimes wondered if there's a different way my T and I could be doing it that might make it more helpful to me. I haven't brought this up with my T because most of my sessions I have a burning desire to talk about specific things so I'm going with that at the moment. Also I feel that some of the talking I do is hard for me, and I feel that I can gauge myself what I need to talk about to make it a little bit hard but not too hard. Also I see things unfolding naturally - the feelings that come up for me when we have breaks, or when I ask T a question, and the way my T responds to certain things, maybe even with just one subtle yet significant word seem to be takng me on a path. You sound like you have doubts about whether you are actually going anywhere, which may be valid doubts. Can you feel yourself things that you could be doing in therapy or things you could bring up that would challenge you a bit more?

You have to be your own barometer on this. Is what you are talking about and working on in therapy moving you towards what you need and want for yourself? If so, then you are probably on the right track.

Personally, I found therapy to be hard work. Yes, we laughed and I really enjoyed my therapist as a person, but the bottom line was that I was working really hard on myself and my goals, working through some very painful past, etc. I wouldn't call it "fun." I wouldn't call it torture either. It was a bit of a job actually, something I really worked at because I didn't want to stay stuck where I was. I needed change.

[NowhereUSA]

There are definitely times that I've found therapy hard, but I haven't often found it painful outside of the pain I was already feeling with my mental illness. For me, therapy was a breath of fresh air. Yes, the skills were hard and there were some incredibly difficult periods where I was working really hard to be willing and to utilize my skills, but going to therapy is in general a pleasant experience for me. I don't dread seeing my T regardless of what will be discussed and I often leave feeling less burdened than I had when I walked in.

I think it has to be something you decide for yourself since people go to therapy for a lot of different reasons.

There is no right or wrong way to do therapy. I personally don't find therapy enjoyable. But as long as I continue to move forward, I will continue to go.

[AnaWhitney]

I wonder if I am doing therapy 'the right way' all the time also, my T says there is no right or wrong way. I try to believe her. I do find it enjoyable at times. I'd say I've had 3/4 really difficult sessions, about 8 really wonderful ones and the rest were neutral/ reasonably good.
What normally makes a great session is where I try to explain the unexplainable and realise that it is possible to do so. Also seeing T actually fully understand what I am saying and realising that nothing bad has happened as a result. Then I usually have a good laugh at myself and I leave in a great mood. Also it makes my day when T curses or shows an extra bit of personality. I find all of this enjoyable.
And I've noticed that with the really hard sessions, I leave confused and torn apart but once I start thinking about what I am finding difficult it usually leads to some great sessions.

I think it depends in what your goals are as a client. What do you want to work on and what do you hope to achieve, like others have said.
I have had clients who just come in and talk about the same things week after week and this is ok because everytime they tell the same story they are working through it in a different way. For example, they will tell the story from a different perspective, from their own and then from their partners etc....
I ask them if it was helpful to look at it from a different angle and mostly it is because they get clarity and understanding.
I know personally my ex t would not tolerate a client coming in and repeating their story in various different ways and had said before, you are just coming in here weekly and paying for lip service, where is the work you are you, you are wasting your own and my time. Somehow, I diss agree because if you push a client further than their comfort zone or than they are ready to go, well, the consequences are dire, so it's all about the clients pace.
You follow them as they lead you down the path they need to go. Sometimes they get a little list and need some guidance though.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I showed up when I didn't want to, when I wanted to test her to see if she would run after me, and I didn't quit.

My therapist would often thank me for being willing to do the work, because therapy was extremely gut wrenching for me.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

I often hear that therapy is supposed to be a lot of work and painful. Is this true? Does anyone find it fun and enjoyable at all?

My T encourages me to talk about whatever is on my mind, but sometimes I wonder if I'm talking about the right things that T wishes to hear. T reassures me to just keep talking freely. I wonder if this is how other clients do it too?

What makes you worry you aren't talking about the right things, anyway?

[spring2014]

hi inner firefly ,
My therapist encourages me to talk whatever is on my mind . it is a lot homework you do on your own in between sessions like I am in between sessions with my therapist . also its a lot of painful memories that comes out in counseling . my therapist and I worked on dual awareness three weeks ago . nor I see her in two weeks from the four week break from therapy and im hoping to bring her good news again like the last time I saw her before Christmas .







Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

[Inner_Firefly]

Thank you Everyone!

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I too have sometimes wondered if there's a different way my T and I could be doing it that might make it more helpful to me. I haven't brought this up with my T because most of my sessions I have a burning desire to talk about specific things so I'm going with that at the moment. Also I feel that some of the talking I do is hard for me, and I feel that I can gauge myself what I need to talk about to make it a little bit hard but not too hard. Also I see things unfolding naturally - the feelings that come up for me when we have breaks, or when I ask T a question, and the way my T responds to certain things, maybe even with just one subtle yet significant word seem to be takng me on a path. You sound like you have doubts about whether you are actually going anywhere, which may be valid doubts. Can you feel yourself things that you could be doing in therapy or things you could bring up that would challenge you a bit more?

Brown Owl, I'm not good with words but you describe what goes on in therapy so well! Somehow you put those vague things into words that make sense and are understandable. same as you most sessions there are things to say but also things that come up naturally to take us on a path. I agree it has to be hard but not too hard. I will have to think this over and see if there are some things to challenge myself more. Thank you for sharing!!

Originally Posted by lolagrace

You have to be your own barometer on this. Is what you are talking about and working on in therapy moving you towards what you need and want for yourself? If so, then you are probably on the right track.

Personally, I found therapy to be hard work. Yes, we laughed and I really enjoyed my therapist as a person, but the bottom line was that I was working really hard on myself and my goals, working through some very painful past, etc. I wouldn't call it "fun." I wouldn't call it torture either. It was a bit of a job actually, something I really worked at because I didn't want to stay stuck where I was. I needed change.

Lolagrace, you sounded like a very hardworking client, thank you for sharing these good ideas. I can see how motivated you were to change and grow. Yes, I am talking and working on things that move me towards what I want, I just wonder about how everyone else does it, and whether I'm doing it well enough, going deep enough, etc.

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

There are definitely times that I've found therapy hard, but I haven't often found it painful outside of the pain I was already feeling with my mental illness. For me, therapy was a breath of fresh air. Yes, the skills were hard and there were some incredibly difficult periods where I was working really hard to be willing and to utilize my skills, but going to therapy is in general a pleasant experience for me. I don't dread seeing my T regardless of what will be discussed and I often leave feeling less burdened than I had when I walked in.

I think it has to be something you decide for yourself since people go to therapy for a lot of different reasons.

NOwhere USA, Yes, isn't it nice to have T to share our pain and burdens? It's good to hear that therapy is also a pleasant experience regardless of the painful topics. That's how I feel, I always tell T she is like a breath of fresh air, unlike any other conversations with people in real life.

Originally Posted by twistedangel00

There is no right or wrong way to do therapy. I personally don't find therapy enjoyable. But as long as I continue to move forward, I will continue to go.

Twisted angel, I hope you will have a great New Year with lots of good things coming, and continue moving forward many steps.

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

I wonder if I am doing therapy 'the right way' all the time also, my T says there is no right or wrong way. I try to believe her. I do find it enjoyable at times. I'd say I've had 3/4 really difficult sessions, about 8 really wonderful ones and the rest were neutral/ reasonably good.
What normally makes a great session is where I try to explain the unexplainable and realise that it is possible to do so. Also seeing T actually fully understand what I am saying and realising that nothing bad has happened as a result. Then I usually have a good laugh at myself and I leave in a great mood. Also it makes my day when T curses or shows an extra bit of personality. I find all of this enjoyable.
And I've noticed that with the really hard sessions, I leave confused and torn apart but once I start thinking about what I am finding difficult it usually leads to some great sessions.

Ana Whitney, Thank you for sharing your ratio of good/hard/wonderful sessions, love it! I agree about T cursing and the unexplained being explained, it's a good feeling isn't it. it is true that the hard sessions lead to finding more enlightening happy surprises later!

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I think it depends in what your goals are as a client. What do you want to work on and what do you hope to achieve, like others have said.
I have had clients who just come in and talk about the same things week after week and this is ok because everytime they tell the same story they are working through it in a different way. For example, they will tell the story from a different perspective, from their own and then from their partners etc....
I ask them if it was helpful to look at it from a different angle and mostly it is because they get clarity and understanding.
I know personally my ex t would not tolerate a client coming in and repeating their story in various different ways and had said before, you are just coming in here weekly and paying for lip service, where is the work you are you, you are wasting your own and my time. Somehow, I diss agree because if you push a client further than their comfort zone or than they are ready to go, well, the consequences are dire, so it's all about the clients pace.
You follow them as they lead you down the path they need to go. Sometimes they get a little list and need some guidance though.

Monalisasmile, it's helpful to hear that it's OK to talk about the same things over and over at our own pace until ready. I like how you said the story can be told from a different perspective for new clarity and understanding. That is a very helpful and reassuring way to think of it.

Originally Posted by Walkedthatroad

I showed up when I didn't want to, when I wanted to test her to see if she would run after me, and I didn't quit.

My therapist would often thank me for being willing to do the work, because therapy was extremely gut wrenching for me.

Walkedthatroad, I can imagine how your T would appreciate your hard work and perseverance. You sound like a very determined and dedicated client.

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I don't really think there's a way to do therapy wrong. It's different for each person, and while it can be really hard for some people, it can be enjoyable for others. Right now for me, I enjoy going to therapy and seeing my T. But there are some things I'd like to eventually work on, and I expect that to be more difficult. I don't think it matters if you're talking about "the right things that T wishes to hear" because therapy is for you, and whatever you want to talk about is what's right to talk about.

Hi IlikeCats, me too, I love cats. Glad to hear you enjoy therapy right now. Hope you will be OK when working through hard stuff. You are right, I will remember your idea that there is no wrong way. That's what T says but I just wanted to double check with everyone here.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I've often found therapy fun and enjoyable. Mostly these were sessions that we talked about ideas and just had a nice, intelligent conversation about something tertiary to my issues. Other times I've just been in a FANTASTIC mood, and T mirrors that mood right back at me.

In fact, I spent the last session before a three week break for the holidays just giggling my head off. If only I can remember what was so funny??

There have been other times that sessions were some of the most emotionally painful things I've ever done. It was painful. It was hard. It sucked.

everybody's experience is different--and you certainly don't have to worry one lick about what your T wishes to hear, or about being a "good client" You're not there to please or entertain T. I know what it's like, though, to wonder if you're doing therapy "right." There's not exactly a manual.

If therapy makes you consistently miserable 99% of the time--or consistently happy 99% of the time--it's probably worth talking about. If you just don't know what to think, that's probably worth talking about, too.

Argonautomobile, Yay, glad you find therapy to be often fun, I love how you described your giggling and T mirroring your good mood back! Your T sounds like a good T! Yes, I guess we're not there to entertain T, though it seems hard to talk without caring about others being bored because in real life it would be rude. It's nice to know that you also enjoy therapy. Makes me feel less alone for enjoying it 99% of the time even when talking about something stressful and painful. Feeling heard and understood is such a relief.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Since I consider therapy a necessary evil, I don't find it fun. I can see how it would be if you enjoy your therapist's company, though.

I don't think there is a way to do it wrong, unless you adamantly refuse to change anything about yourself or your life. I think there are mistakes you can make - one of them is to get hung up on the idea of being a good client or doing a good job (there are several recent threads on this).

ATAT, Thank you and I am sorry you have to suffer the necessary evil. I hope you feel it's helpful and supportive.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Here's an (okay) article I found somewhat useful early on, when I obsessed about being "a good client"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...therapy-client

Argonautomobile, Hey, great minds think alike! It's fun to find out that you also obsessed about being a good client! I think you sound like a good client. I've read that article a zillion times over the years! Thank you for the recommendation. I equated being a good client with being completely honest, so I guess I was more concerned whether my honest rambling is good therapy material. I guess I will just go with the flow.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think therapists deliberately keep this sort of information from clients - what is and is not useful. I asked, read books and articles and consulted outside sources because the woman was not forthcoming. I then made therapy into something useful regardless of what the woman thinks - it is not what most here report nor is it what those people report in their books etc, but as they were all unclear and hide the ball from clients - I just changed the game. I do not consider it fun.

Stopdog, me too, I read books and articles too to figure out the mystery, I like the way you described the ball. I am sorry you don't find it fun. I understand the wish to have things more clear and straightforward. I also feel like I enjoy the mystery, it seems an amusing game to find the ball, ha ha.

Originally Posted by precaryous

Doesnt it depend on what your/our goals are in seeking therapy?

Current Therapy has been difficult in the past- depending on what we are talking about. Right now it feels supportive and a RELIEF... I'm also getting tips on possible ways to deal with a difficult family member.

Other people may see my T short term for a Bariatric surgeon evaluation. I'm guessing their experience differs from mine.

But to answer he question- yes, there have been lighter enjoyable moments- and laughter. She has a subtle sense of humor.

Precaryous, It's good that your therapy is supporting you to give you some relief about the familiy member, and T's sense of humor creates some enjoyable light moments.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

For me a way to know that I am doing therapy right is how I will have very intense sessions where I am fighting off tears and end up being really upset later and then I have sessions that I felt very connected to my therapist and I feel like I made great progress. Therapy is hard work. There will be sessions that are your hardest ones and then others that go good and you feel good about.

As someone else said if you are miserable all the time or happy all the time then maybe something isn't right.

Cinnamon Stick, thank you for sharing. Your therapy sounds very meaningful,intense and deep. It helps to hear your experience. Mine is similar.

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Yeah that's how mine works, I bet it depends on your issue though. My therapy seems to be all about my therapist listening, attuned, caring or pretending to care, etc. I think the whole point is so I feel loved, and then I crave that feeling, and then realize I'm not really loved, and that's an old childhood wound of mine, so then it becomes painful and torturous even though I want to see my therapist all the time. So for me, therapy is quite painful while also being quite fabulous. It is painful because there is not more of it and more of him. And painful because I'll never know if how he treats me is how he genuinely feels or if I've just paid for an act so to speak. And then it's fabulous because it's what I crave and what I never get anywhere else, human connection, with someone who treats me nice.

I could kind of give a **** how I am as a client. I mean I want him to like me, and love me even, and really to fall in love with me... but I think that's mostly it, I don't care if I'm a good client or not so long as he loves me, whatever that might take (probably impossible). LOL.

Petra5ed, I understand. You describe your feelings so honestly, the pain and craving to be loved, and wondering if your T is genuine. I hope you find out that your T truly cares and likes you.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

What makes you worry you aren't talking about the right things, anyway?

Hi again Argonautomobile, that's a good question. I worry because even though I aim to be honest, I still wonder if I'm hiding some topics from T, not on purpose but because I'm not honest with myself or ready to admit things to myself.

Also because T doesn't say much so I wonder what she thinks of me. Maybe she knows something about me that I don't, or she knows the answers to all my problems and she is waiting for me to bring it up/ be ready to talk about it?

Originally Posted by spring2014

hi inner firefly ,
My therapist encourages me to talk whatever is on my mind . it is a lot homework you do on your own in between sessions like I am in between sessions with my therapist . also its a lot of painful memories that comes out in counseling . my therapist and I worked on dual awareness three weeks ago . nor I see her in two weeks from the four week break from therapy and im hoping to bring her good news again like the last time I saw her before Christmas .
g

Hi Spring2014, I hope you will bring her good news very soon, and your homework goes well. Sounds like you did great work last session. May your new year be full of growth.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Is all things. Wonderful. Hard. Upsetting. Rewarding.

Mouse, yes, I agree.

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

I think know we should be able to use therapy for our ends. We are paying them to give us new tools or coping strategies , as a dumping ground for our **** or a safe place to talk about what matters to us. A good t is bound by legal confidentiality to keep their mouths shut.

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

It can be hard or painful if you're talking about bad memories or this game other people have done to hurt you or what a loved one is going through.

Iheartjacques, thank you for sharing some good points. I can see what you mean that T is a safe person to talk to about painful things.

[ruh roh]

"...Also because T doesn't say much so I wonder what she thinks of me. Maybe she knows something about me that I don't, or she knows the answers to all my problems and she is waiting for me to bring it up/ be ready to talk about it?"

I've asked my therapist a few times what's behind things she says (or doesn't say) so that I can better understand where she is with things. She's always answered me. I'm not always thrilled when there's a lack of detail, but some of that comes from the fact that therapy is not exact by nature. It has helped me, though, just to ask what her thinking is and if she's using a technique or not. If you don't feel comfortable asking in person, can you ask any of these things in an email?

[BayBrony]

I find doing therapy very painful even though I love seeing my T. I really love seeing her, so much that the relationship is what keeps me returning when the work of getting Into my trauma seems too much.
I love being with her. I don't love exploring my deepest fears and insecurities in front of her. I don't love the pain and the yearning attempts to change when change is so slow in coming. Its a lot of work. Its much easier to live how I've always lived even though I know that wasnt really working.
It depends though. Like say I was going through a terrible personal crisis like a cancer diagnosis but had no trauma history---then I could see therapy feeling very good and relieving. Unburdening yourself. So it depends WHY you are in therapy.
My therapy is like cleaning the scabs and dead tissue off of an old and infected wound. There is no way it won't hurt.
My T always says what you want to talk about is the right thing to talk about. I'll spend several sessions going on irrelevant tangents and ignoring her questions only to find after a while that I am able to speak about something I formerly couldn't find d words for. So trusting the process has become important to.me