[AnxiousGirl]

***** TRIGGER WARNING *****

Hey guys. Recently maybe some of you have seen my posts and about some anxiety attacks that I've experienced in the past few months because of my health anxiety.

Had my session today and we talked about something related to it but not exactly what I wanted to discuss. So I got home and once again something triggered my health anxiety and I ran into the shower and cried and cried until I couldn't breathe anymore.

Then, I experienced something that I haven't in a while, suicidal thoughts. I also realized that the only time I have these thoughts are when I start freaking out and worrying about my health (btw im only 20 if that helps). So before my session ended my T said that I can email anything that we didn't talk about or anything that comes up within the next 2 weeks (I can't go next week since I have school work to catch up on). So I want to send my T an email about what happened today like the crying and the extent of my fear but I dont know if I also want to say I have suicidal thoughts. I'm worried to say it because:

1 - What if she forces me into a mental hospital?
2- What if she tells my parents?

I would NEVER act on these thoughts but they just come into my mind when things get extremely bad. So yeah, not sure if I should mention it or not.

What do you guys think?

[ilikecats]

Normally I would say your T probably wouldn't send you to the hospital or tell your parents, but my T did do that to me recently, so I'm not sure. I don't think your T should do that, unless you are actively planning to kill yourself. And even then, she should only send you to a hospital, not tell your parents. But I never thought my T would do this to me, and then she did. So maybe it would be best to ask your T about when she does things like that before actually telling her anything. Good luck, and sorry you're struggling with suicidal thoughts.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think your T has to know you have suicidal thoughts. The more she knows the more she can help you. I would suggest saying it in session so that nothing gets misunderstood. If you can call her that would be the best option as you wouldn't have to wait two weeks.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

Normally I would say your T probably wouldn't send you to the hospital or tell your parents, but my T did do that to me recently, so I'm not sure. I don't think your T should do that, unless you are actively planning to kill yourself. And even then, she should only send you to a hospital, not tell your parents. But I never thought my T would do this to me, and then she did. So maybe it would be best to ask your T about when she does things like that before actually telling her anything. Good luck, and sorry you're struggling with suicidal thoughts.

If I ask my T when she does things like that she would probably be concerned as to why I'm asking then ask me if I have any of the thoughts and stuff. I just really dont want my T to take it out of hand because I would never do something like that.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I think your T has to know you have suicidal thoughts. The more she knows the more she can help you. I would suggest saying it in session so that nothing gets misunderstood. If you can call her that would be the best option as you wouldn't have to wait two weeks.

I know, if my T knows she can help me cope and stop having these thoughts, but I know a few people who had more extreme thoughts and they got sent to hospitals. I really really cannot do that. Honestly the thoughts just come and go with the anxiety, but I dont know if I tell her shell believe me. I'm just so confused

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I know, if my T knows she can help me cope and stop having these thoughts, but I know a few people who had more extreme thoughts and they got sent to hospitals. I really really cannot do that. Honestly the thoughts just come and go with the anxiety, but I dont know if I tell her shell believe me. I'm just so confused

I understand the fear. I often struggle with suicidal thoughts and it took me a LONG time to trust my T that she wasn't going to send me to a hospital. She and I have an agreement where I promise her I will be safe and thats it. She lets me talk about them and get them out and process them. Its a tricky thing. I do wish you luck.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I understand the fear. I often struggle with suicidal thoughts and it took me a LONG time to trust my T that she wasn't going to send me to a hospital. She and I have an agreement where I promise her I will be safe and thats it. She lets me talk about them and get them out and process them. Its a tricky thing. I do wish you luck.

If you dont mind me asking, did you first ask your T how she will react if you ever did tell her something like this? Or did you just straight up tell her that you were having the thoughts?

[LonesomeTonight]

I've asked my T and p-doc if they'd automatically commit me just because I mentioned suicidal thoughts. They both said no, that it would be if I was unable to stop thinking about it for an extended period of time (like more than a couple hours) or if I actually had a plan. I have mentioned fleeting thoughts of suicide before, and they haven't committed me. If you say you had those feelings while panicking, but don't have them now, it should be fine. I agree that you should mention them.

[Chummy]

You should tell your T about it, she can help you with it (hopefully). Your T can't call your parents without your permission, at least not in my country, I don't know the rules in Canada. You haven't had those thoughts in a while, so it would be a bit extreem to send you to a hospital. If you would really have plans then she can do that.
I've had those thoughts a lot in the last year. Every day, multiple times. Until I found meds that worked. Now those thoughts are much less. My T and Pdoc knew about it. I didn't talked much to my T about it, I think maybe one session. She also hasn't asked me about it. Pdoc asked about it at almost every appointment. Both have never suggested that I should go in-patient or something like that. My T told me what I should do if I planning to take action (call her if it's during her workhours and call the doctor). But that's it. Though I kept some details to myself.

But T's can be very different. Some will want you to go to the hospital, while others are just fine with keeping the therapy as it is.
When I was 18, I was in intensive group therapie (you live there 5 days a week and in the weekend you're home). I once took an overdose. it wasn't an attempt, but a sort of cry for help (long story). They send me home the day after, a time-out of a few days. And they didn't offer any help for during that time-out, no advice, nothing about what I should do if I would be in a crisis or something. So it wasn't an attempt, the man who decided about this called it an attempt.

So you never really know what a T would do when you mention suicidal thoughts.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I've asked my T and p-doc if they'd automatically commit me just because I mentioned suicidal thoughts. They both said no, that it would be if I was unable to stop thinking about it for an extended period of time (like more than a couple hours) or if I actually had a plan. I have mentioned fleeting thoughts of suicide before, and they haven't committed me. If you say you had those feelings while panicking, but don't have them now, it should be fine. I agree that you should mention them.

I am leaning towards telling my T but not sure if I should first ask and see what they would do if I admitted it or just say it straight up.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Chummy

You should tell your T about it, she can help you with it (hopefully). Your T can't call your parents without your permission, at least not in my country, I don't know the rules in Canada. You haven't had those thoughts in a while, so it would be a bit extreem to send you to a hospital. If you would really have plans then she can do that.
I've had those thoughts a lot in the last year. Every day, multiple times. Until I found meds that worked. Now those thoughts are much less. My T and Pdoc knew about it. I didn't talked much to my T about it, I think maybe one session. She also hasn't asked me about it. Pdoc asked about it at almost every appointment. Both have never suggested that I should go in-patient or something like that. My T told me what I should do if I planning to take action (call her if it's during her workhours and call the doctor). But that's it.

But T's can be very different. Some will want you to go to the hospital, while others are just fine with keeping the therapy as it is.
When I was 18, I was in intensive group therapie (you live there 5 days a week and in the weekend you're home). I once took an overdose. it wasn't an attempt, but a sort of cry for help (long story). They send me home the day after, a time-out of a few days. And they didn't offer any help for during that time-out, no advice, nothing about what I should do if I would be in a crisis or something. So it wasn't an attempt, the man who decided about this called it an attempt.

So you never really know what a T would do when you mention suicidal thoughts.

That's why I'm scared. I have no idea what my T would do and I'm scared to take the risk. I really don't. Again, I dont have them at all unless it's to do with my health anxiety. So I dont know how much my T would be convinced.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

If you dont mind me asking, did you first ask your T how she will react if you ever did tell her something like this? Or did you just straight up tell her that you were having the thoughts?

I asked my T how she would react to suicidal thoughts. I asked under what circumstances would she send me to the hospital.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I asked my T how she would react to suicidal thoughts. I asked under what circumstances would she send me to the hospital.

And when you just casually asked your T did she seem concerned at all or ask you if you've had those thoughts?

[junkDNA]

I agree with the poster that said to say it in person and not in an email. I think email would be more risky in regards to your concerns of being put in a hospital. Also there is a difference between thinking about suicide and actively making plans to end your life, which I hope your T could tell the difference... hang in there...I do think you should mention these thoughts to your T. Also she legally cannot tell you parents without your consent

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I agree with the poster that said to say it in person and not in an email. I think email would be more risky in regards to your concerns of being put in a hospital. Also there is a difference between thinking about suicide and actively making plans to end your life, which I hope your T could tell the difference... hang in there...I do think you should mention these thoughts to your T. Also she legally cannot tell you parents without your consent

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

I also like that talking in person idea however I only want to email because I can do it now and feel at ease knowing that my T knows. Not being able to see T for 2 weeks is going to be tough and who knows if I'll have these episodes of health anxiety (probably will). Dont know if I should email asking to go in next week or what. I'm such a mess

[Out There]

Anxious , what coping methods has your T taught you? Has she shown you breathing and mindfulness techniques?

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

***** TRIGGER WARNING *****

Hey guys. Recently maybe some of you have seen my posts and about some anxiety attacks that I've experienced in the past few months because of my health anxiety.

Had my session today and we talked about something related to it but not exactly what I wanted to discuss. So I got home and once again something triggered my health anxiety and I ran into the shower and cried and cried until I couldn't breathe anymore.

Then, I experienced something that I haven't in a while, suicidal thoughts. I also realized that the only time I have these thoughts are when I start freaking out and worrying about my health (btw im only 20 if that helps). So before my session ended my T said that I can email anything that we didn't talk about or anything that comes up within the next 2 weeks (I can't go next week since I have school work to catch up on). So I want to send my T an email about what happened today like the crying and the extent of my fear but I dont know if I also want to say I have suicidal thoughts. I'm worried to say it because:

1 - What if she forces me into a mental hospital?
2- What if she tells my parents?

I would NEVER act on these thoughts but they just come into my mind when things get extremely bad. So yeah, not sure if I should mention it or not.

What do you guys think?

i think you should e-mail her exactly what you said here. it perfectly explains what you are going through, and clearly your T wants to hear what is going on and can tell you are holding stuff back in session (which is fine, and normal).

My T has not ever been shocked or appalled at any suicidal thoughts i've had. she assess the risk of me actually doing it (which is very low), and doesn't shame me for having them, or make me feel crazy. She just listens, and may ask a question or two, and then we move on.

[velcro003]

[QUOTE=AnxiousGirl;4909661. Dont know if I should email asking to go in next week or what. I'm such a mess [/QUOTE]

i think you should. an hour isn't going to make or break school work.

[DelusionsDaily]

A T sending you to the hospital truly depends on the nature of the thoughts(i.e.: a plan and intent to carry it out). I lean on the side of caution for my case because I have tried. No one wants to go to the hospital but I totally trust my T and NP to make that call and they normally include me in the decision...sometimes there are alternatives to IP like more frequent therapy and pdoc appointments, Partial, etc. The hospital is typically a last resort doesn't mean it can't happen but unless you have a determination to carry it out I don't see it happening. But I don't know your T. That's just my experience.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Out There

Anxious , what coping methods has your T taught you? Has she shown you breathing and mindfulness techniques?

Yes we have done breathing and muscle relaxation techniques in a few sessions.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

A T sending you to the hospital truly depends on the nature of the thoughts(i.e.: a plan and intent to carry it out). I lean on the side of caution for my case because I have tried. No one wants to go to the hospital but I totally trust my T and NP to make that call and they normally include me in the decision...sometimes there are alternatives to IP like more frequent therapy and pdoc appointments, Partial, etc. The hospital is typically a last resort doesn't mean it can't happen but unless you have a determination to carry it out I don't see it happening. But I don't know your T. That's just my experience.

I have 0 intent to do it. When my anxiety is at a high, the thought of "I just wish I can end it so I dont have to be afraid of this anymore" is the thought that comes to mind. Not sure what that means but I figure its a suicidal thought. I'm just scared to admit it to my T.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by velcro003

i think you should e-mail her exactly what you said here. it perfectly explains what you are going through, and clearly your T wants to hear what is going on and can tell you are holding stuff back in session (which is fine, and normal).

My T has not ever been shocked or appalled at any suicidal thoughts i've had. she assess the risk of me actually doing it (which is very low), and doesn't shame me for having them, or make me feel crazy. She just listens, and may ask a question or two, and then we move on.

Some people did mention that emailing may be wrong because it may give out the wrong message or it might sound different than if I do it in person, but I do want to email my T just to get all of this off my chest.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Some people did mention that emailing may be wrong because it may give out the wrong message or it might sound different than if I do it in person, but I do want to email my T just to get all of this off my chest.

i mean, maybe you can ask for a session next week, and go from there? could waiting a week be better? If you truly feel the need to tell T about this now, as long as you say "I will stay safe," i don't see how it would be a problem. The first time I cut myself, I e-mailed it to my T. She just said "Thank you for telling me." It all depends on your e-mail relationship with her. My T is fine with me writing her emails during the week, and while I try not to write too many (or any at all if i can), or too long, so far there has been no misconstruing of my words.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Some people did mention that emailing may be wrong because it may give out the wrong message or it might sound different than if I do it in person, but I do want to email my T just to get all of this off my chest.

I told my T about it in an email. When it's too hard for me to tell something in person, I tell it her in an email. And then we can talk about it in the next session. My T knows this.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I have 0 intent to do it. When my anxiety is at a high, the thought of "I just wish I can end it so I dont have to be afraid of this anymore" is the thought that comes to mind. Not sure what that means but I figure its a suicidal thought. I'm just scared to admit it to my T.

these type of thoughts are SO normal, really. maybe it is just my T's attitude, but she would take it seriously, but also normalize it.