Dear T: I Need To Tell You Something... Part XVIII

Thanks for texting back. (wish I wasn't too afraid to mention the one thing...)

Hey
i apologies for all the swearing today. Don't know where that came from.

Hurting so bad.
I screwed everything up.
My daughters right, it's all my fault.
I'm tired of fighting it.
I regret my whole life.

t,

i am soooooooooooooooo dumb.

and i HATE what i do

should i even come on tuesday

will you say bye forever...

oh god

me

Go to your session
You're under alot of stress with your sister being psychotic.

Tonight I am thinking about ending it all. I know I won't. Too much I still want to know about how things turn out. But I wanted you to CARE what happens to me. And your response made me realize you really don't.

Bay, your t seems to care a lot for you. Maybe there is just a misunderstanding?

That's what I thought, too. What happened? Is it something you can put away for a while? Maybe it'll look different with fresher eyes.

I agree Bay, your T cares about you a great deal!

Maybe. At these times its very hard to sort out the truth from what the demons of my childhood say. Fortunately I'm exhausted so anything self destructive I do will be low key.
I don't know.
It really sounded like she was saying "do whatever you want" to me.
I don't know

Upsetting text exchange.

I am a big believer in the power of a new day to sort things out so I am going to distract myself with a book for a while and then go to sleep and hope it all looks different in the am

T,
( I should put "former" before that T but I can't it hurts too bad)
I miss you so much, it feels like claws are ripping at my heart and throat. why didn't i take a summer class? I couldlve spent two more months with you.
I am spiralling down so fast and i have no one to talk to. all i had was you
i dont want to disappoint you i miss you im sorry

You said the 20th! I know you did. I remember I said it back to you and you said yes. The 27th is too far away.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So glad I get to see you again tomorrow. I need some encouragement after being battered emotionally by the ex.

Every single one of you that invaded my personal life should go to HELL. I curse you every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

t,

plz answer my text sometime today so i know if i should even show my face there tomorrow

me

Dear MC,
I'm really worried about you since you had to cancel again for tomorrow (and said you'd be out Wed. too). I'm glad you're able to squeeze us in Saturday at least--it's just been a really rough week, and I don't want to have to wait till Monday to see you, and that would make 3 weeks, I think. If you'll even be able to come in then. I know Saturday is only 2 days sooner, but it's something. And then hope we can keep our usual Monday appt. too...

Wish I could hug you right now (both because I think you could probably use a hug and because I could use one, too)...

Love,
LT

Dear T,
I hope you're not mad/annoyed at me for texting again on a holiday weekend, but I wanted to update you about DD. And about MC. Hoping by some chance you have a cancellation tomorrow (not that I wish ill on any of your clients of course! maybe that they'll have a work thing come up), and I can see you one day sooner.

There's one other thing I want to tell you, but I'm afraid to.

Thanks for being there (and for putting up with me).
Love,
LT

I'm afraid to see you disappointed

I give up.

I'm kinda in the same boat as you with my t right now. This line right here just allowed me understanding for my Self. THANK YOU! And I hope things resolve quickly for you!

I see you tomorrow.

T,

I feel restless and empty and disconnected and it's hard not to SH to ground.

T...you say I will automatically know how to self care. I don't!! I don't for this disconnected feeling. I think about you but you don't think about me.