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#151
May 27, 2016, 11:01 PM
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I am always so worried my t is going to call me out as a fraud. Then terminate me. |
 Anonymous37941, LonesomeTonight
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#152
May 27, 2016, 11:02 PM
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__________________
**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**
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| CantExplain
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#153
May 27, 2016, 11:03 PM
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I forget the last time I had a good pocket ride. I'm in!
I hope you don't mind if I bring my backup dancers?  
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 LonesomeTonight
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#154
May 27, 2016, 11:03 PM
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You guys can sit on the screamers in my head for me.
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| Ellahmae
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#155
May 27, 2016, 11:06 PM
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Bring on the dancing chilis!!!
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| atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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#156
May 28, 2016, 12:12 AM
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I'm in too!
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#157
May 28, 2016, 02:17 AM
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   OMG, I have always browsed this forum using Tapatalk and could only see the Thanks button. I had NO IDEA there was a Hugs button and I couldn't see Hugs!
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#158
May 28, 2016, 02:19 AM
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#159
May 28, 2016, 02:38 AM
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I'll be there, BY.
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#160
May 28, 2016, 02:45 AM
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| CantExplain, LonesomeTonight
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#161
May 28, 2016, 02:46 AM
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#162
May 28, 2016, 02:48 AM
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I really don't want him to take the texting thing away.
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| Anonymous37941, Anonymous45127, LonesomeTonight
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#165
May 28, 2016, 03:58 AM
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The last thing I want to feel at 4:45am is the cat kneading her claws on my face. I integrated the feeling into whatever dream I was having and it quickly turned into waking up panicked. Thanks a lot Garbage!
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| Anonymous37941, LonesomeTonight, precaryous, unaluna
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#166
May 28, 2016, 04:17 AM
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I truly know how it feels, that desire to text. I'm not "supposed to" text my T because she didn't give me her number or email or anything. Then last Christmas I had a fair bit of alcohol with my psych meds and texted her personal social media account... Went into the next session expecting to be punished or terminated but she she wasn't angry (I kept asking if she was angry because I was terrified). She agreed that I was feeling lonely and hurting hence me tipsy reaching out to someone I had an emotional connection with. She said I didn't do anything "wrong" because we had never discussed such boundaries and should have. Then she told me her boundaries - I could text but she might not read and will not reply. |
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#167
May 28, 2016, 05:05 AM
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We do use text but mainly from her to me. She replies by text when she has seen my email but hasn't got time to reply. I mainly text to tell her I have sent an email if I feel it is really important.
I sent an email yesterday with no text and asked if the poem she sent was personal, from her to me or whether it was just a poem she thought I would like. I wanted to text this morning just to ask her to tell me she wouldn't send me away and that we could talk about it on Tuesday but as I was crafting it she text me saying that she thought I would like the poem because it symbolises the therapeutic relationship. That's a very half way house to my messed up mind and makes me feel that it isn't real. I am lost now and not sure if I can do this. I need her to be direct and real but it doesn't appear that this is what she wants to be. The ideas are all there, but that is all they are, just ideas and theories. |
| Anonymous37925, Anonymous45127, LonesomeTonight
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#168
May 28, 2016, 05:08 AM
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Do you text now you know the boundaries? I think I would be better off back on my own, shut off from it all, than having to do all of this back and fore. I wish we could get on the same page. I miss my old T.
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| Anonymous37925, Anonymous45127, unaluna
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#169
May 28, 2016, 07:26 AM
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| JustShakey, Waterbear
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#170
May 28, 2016, 07:27 AM
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Could you put it in a letter / email and ask for her answer? I know it's scary like hell and I myself might not even dare... I'd say give it some more time to figure out the relationship? Then see if she's the right T for you? So sorry that you're hurting. It's a really cruel double-bond for people like us, I feel...to be so wounded and to desire a "good enough" parent and yet for what is given to feel half-way, ineffectual, not enough... and yet if T was warm like we craved, it might be terrifying too, because there's always also the fear that it isn't real. Quote:
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| Waterbear
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#171
May 28, 2016, 08:25 AM
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Thanks, it is hard yes. I will write that letter and I will go on Tuesday and try to talk about this. I was spiralling into oblivion but as a last ditch effort sent an email to old T (she us still there just not as my T now, we are still transitioning really). Just reaching out to her, even knowing she won't respond probably until Monday was enough to calm me down so I could get an hours sleep or so and I feel better now. She made me believe I am not completely alone in this world. Even though we had minimal out of session contact and strictly one hour a week I could sense that she genuinely cared and that has made all the difference to me. Rambling, sorry, I will stop. Thanks for listening.
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| Anonymous37941, Anonymous45127, unaluna
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#172
May 28, 2016, 08:55 AM
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I'm sorry it's so tough, Waterbear.
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| Waterbear
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#173
May 28, 2016, 09:01 AM
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Must get out of bed.....
__________________
**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**
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| Anonymous37844, Anonymous37941, JustShakey
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#174
May 28, 2016, 09:11 AM
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 I believe you will be able to find another T like your old T. Whether it's with your new T or not.In the meantime, I hope you can hold on to the knowledge that your old T genuinely cares.
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| Waterbear
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#175
May 28, 2016, 09:17 AM
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I am driving myself crazy about something I said to T on Thursday. He is much too ethical to throw me out over something I say, but I am really worried that I have screwed up the good rapport I have felt between us. (But then again, that's probably all in my head, right? What right have I to believe that any kind of "rapport" exists between me and T?)
My brain hurts and my "soul" (for want of a better word) hurts. |
| Anonymous37844, Anonymous45127, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, unaluna, Waterbear
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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