Couch 117: Come On In and Set-tee A While

*whimpers* Children crying freak me out.

I think it's to push you out of your comfort zone. Mine does it and I hate it too. I don't think it helps me, at this point I have walls in place against feeling anything when he says stuff like that. I had ET with previous (same sex) T and I don't ever want to go through something like that again. It hurt like hell, and made me feel stupid and pathetic to boot...

Didn't mean to hug you. I meant to say I sympathise with you that your dogs think you've embarrassed them!

Getting ready to go for a horse back ride with a friend with whom I had a huge falling out. She has a mental illness and had a severe bout at the same time I was going through a really severe bout of my own - depression. It did not end well. It was years ago. We are still trying to find our footing again. Just started talking last year and started socializing again earlier this year. Fingers crossed it goes well.

Not sure if Tapatalk uses the trigger blocking thing, so trigger warning!

Wow. I might report that to the apartment people or someone. Though I totally understand if you're not comfortable with that. But it seems like child abuse to me, or at the very least it seems like a noise issue.

Sent from my SM-G925V using Tapatalk

You know what I hate? When people knowingly annoy you.. and then get angry when you GET ANNOYED.

#mother

Moving day today. I don't want to face it. Waiting for H to get home from a massage and both Ds to arrive. I think I have about an hour before anyone will get here. I should be doing the last of the packing or the cleaning. But I prefer to procrastinate.

MKAC - good luck on the horse/friend thing.

KN - good luck on the move

My knee is impressively swollen this morning. My dogs are impressively unconcerned that I am moving around in a hobbly fashion.
I would do very badly with golden retrievers (I consider them the earnestly caring breed of the dog world).

I think the poster is not in the US - and what is considered abuse or not is not universal.

Morning couch. Just got home from my volunteer trash pickup thingy that I do with a couple friends from work. Now I'm heading to the pool to swim for a bit. Then I have t in less than 3 hours. Back after my swim!

Mum is ridiculing me (all day) and when I get angry or annoyed she's like "It's a joke! It's your fault you can't understand that"

There's a difference between mean/ridiculing and a joke. I may have autism but that doesn't mean I don't get jokes. Lots of people say I have a great sense of humour. And even if I didn't, it's not my fault I have autism.

I really feel like crying.

I'm sorry, breadfish. Sending gentle hugs.

I am back from my swim! And the water was delightful! Now I am eating breakfast and getting ready for t which is in an hour. I really so appreciate her working on Saturdays, it's so much better for me going Saturday morning than after a long day at work. She made a comment one time that she's glad I like them too, because "everybody wants weekday evenings". Not this girl! I know I'll be talking about the whole receipt thing and my wanting to change to 45 minutes so my insurance will accept them towards my deductible, but beyond that I have nothing to talk about, so hopefully I will get my hands in the sand today.

Why does my mother being an *** and a hypocrite make ME want to hurt MYSELF?

I'm not going to do that, though. I've prepared a speech for my pdoc (I see him Wednesday - now here's to hoping I'll have the guts to give the speech) and an integral part of that speech is "I haven't hurt myself in 100 days" (it will be exactly 100 days by Wednesday) so I can't hurt myself now - it'd totally ruin the speech.

And guess what? I'm angry at myself for that being the reason I'm not going to hurt myself. It also feels manipulative.

Blehgh.

I fell this week too. Going to lunch with two colleagues. Didn't see there was a step in the restaurant... Splat. Thankfully the only thing busted was my pride.

Putting up hay this week. Stepped on a loose hay bale and fell off the back of the wagon, about 8 feet. There are two large metal tie strap hooks sticking off the back of the trailer. I only missed impaling the back of my head by a fraction of an inch. My mind screamed "HOOKS!!!" when I started falling. I was fine but every time I think of it I get a shivery surge of adrenaline......

I'm sorry your mom makes you feel like hurting yourself. But that's great that it's going to be 100 days! And I don't think it's manipulative at all. Any reason to not hurt yourself is good. Good luck with your speech too!

Sent from my SM-G925V using Tapatalk

We are going to need to make sure the library is wheel chair accessible.

Hugs...you probably turn your anger inward instead of outward (like me). Stay strong--the 100 days is a great achievement!

Yikes, glad you're OK!

Got home from t a little bit ago, made hubby breakfast (he worked until like 3am last night) and let the cat go out in the backyard for a little bit now I'm back inside starting laundry.

Had a really good session with t, we talked about the receipt being denied because of her putting 60 minutes (which was closer to the truth than 50 minutes anyway) and she said she would re-write it, I said no, I won't ask you to lie because they pretty much all were closer to that!! Anyway it all worked out. We're going to figure out something as far as the receipts - maybe there's still a 50 minute code and I just didn't find it. I don't know. But she said she would still write 45 minutes even if we went to 50 or something because "it's my responsibility to mind the time and if I don't then you shouldn't be penalized". Oh yeah as soon as we started talking about it she turned the clock around so I couldn't see it.

I told her it wasn't a problem that they got denied because to me, the most important thing is that submitting it got h off my back, he was mostly mad because I never even tried to get them covered since she moved back here - so the fact that we at least tried, was enough for him. And I told her also there's another reason why it's not a problem, and that's because from time to time I need to be confronted with the business side of this cuz it keeps me from wishing it was something else. She said "I understand. I've been there." that felt so completely genuine especially because she paused a moment before explaining that this relationship works like it does because it's what it is, or something. Which of course I know. Intellectually. Sometimes my heart forgets though and needs that little reminder. Anyway. Yeah. Really really good session today! And oh yeah, I got to do a sand tray. Yay! And after, when we stood together looking at it, I felt very happy inside. We were very connected today, she and I.

omg I'm glad you're ok!! how scary!!

I've started to piece together my home office, using the furniture I currently have. I need new but I'll make do. I'm supposed to be sitting here at my desk writing T and I'm procrastinating.

Hey all! Havent been on much not much to say.
Well, I did it. I wrote a letter to NP and took it to her Wednesday. It asked her to close my case because I plan to go off my meds after this week. I've been doing really good and I think it is time to try. T didn't agree or disagree to my going off meds not really her place to say but did agree I have been doing really well and making big strides in stability and maintaining it. I know NP will never agree to take me off the med so I am doing it myself.
Fun! Fun! I'm excited!

Gah - I keep find new places where I bruised myself from the fall. I look like I just got out of a cage wrestling match - and was on the wrong end of winning.

On a happy note, and one which will probably prevent me from sleeping at all tonight- I went and bought several different decaf coffee beans to try. I am all about the comparison taste tastes.

The young people in the apartment building across from my house seem to have overindulged in pridefest activities today- two of the young were helping a third young man who was drop over drunk - in that he dropped over on the sidewalk despite his slightly less drunk friends' valiant efforts. They straightened him out on the steps, leaning him on the rail, declined my inquiry concerning needing any assistance, and smoked a cigarette before dragging him inside.
Good times.