Couch 121: An Intimate Chat.

It's like standing in a queue with yourself.

Yesterday had a breakdown before T started because of something that happened in one of the other offices, severely triggered. T took me out of the office and we drove around for an hour. I love her. I don't have words for her.

PDoc today. Blah. I don't want to go.

Therapy is not going well now.

Hugs

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I just had some constructive communication with my brother. For the first time in years. He actually agreed to stop going over the past and trying to convince me of his version of events.
I don't want to get my hopes too high as he has a history of going back on his word, but if he can do it then there's a hope of things moving forward. Wish I didn't have to wait two weeks to talk to T.

YAY doc just called and no breaks in my ankles just bad sprains keep off them and ice them for 4 or so days and ice them . 2 days down but still had to cancel T because i still cant drive but i will be on the mend .mt T is so different seeing her privately . i called her yesterday about 3 pm or so and left a message saying i was not going to be able to make it today and i thought there was labor day coming up so i was not going to see her the week after .so i asked her to call so i know when we were going to meet again .i know she worked at the clinic yesterday so i totally didnt expect her to call me until today .but she actually calleme about 845 last night . i couldnt believe she called . she started by saying how sorry she was that i injured myself and asked if i was doing ok . she then said she understood that i was unable to make it today and that it was ok .she said she didnt understand what i was asking about the holiday .i thought the holiday was the week after but i guess it was not so she said she will see me on the 1st.i was good with that . she then said something she would have never said in the past . she said if anything comes up that i feel i need to call about that she will be there . i told her that i am going to be fine .i didnt want her to think i was going to be all kinds of needy and scare her away.she said she was sure that im going to be fine but wanted me to know that she was making herself available if i wanted to talk. she has never said or done anything like that when i saw her at the clinic. she just seemed so genuine about being there for me . it really makes me wonder how much restrictions the clinic has put on her . i always thought it was her .

Got up this morning brushed my teeth, and felt extremely dizzy. Thought I was about to throw up, but I didn't. Just ate a bowl of Cheerios and whole milk. Big mistake 😨

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I will say this though. It is rather nice to be physically ill, much easier to treat.

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Itunes and spotify are pissing me off.

I am going back n forth between wishing I'd asked t for some time after work today, and thinking me & h's mini-vacation will clear my head so I'll be readier to tackle the triggery stuff on 9/3. The overly emotional stuff went away as soon as i emailed her tues night, but I'm still getting waves of feelings about my grandma mostly. Last night especially. Deep stuff.

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9/3 will come quick anyway with going out of town. We might extend our trip a lil since i have the days off. That'll make it come even faster.

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Granite: I don't think your T is that different from being at the clinic, but maybe she's less stressed, and maybe the fog of morphine has helped ease
Your anxiety talking to her I think she's always been willing to talk to you if you needed, but I am glad you can feel it from her

granite, i'm glad things seem easier with your t. i can imagine she feels a little free-er not being restricted by clinic rules, but of course i can't really know that. just my musings. i've never seen a t in a clinic setting so i have no basis for that thought other than my own wine-induced mind.

I am wishing that I had denied my desire for wine this evening. it is bringing out my emotionalism over recent t stuff. i am missing her muchly at the moment. so, i am going to wal mart to find a couple pairs of shorts for our trip. don't worry, h is driving!

I am reading a book on one of the many doomed expeditions to find the North Pole. As usual, the ship got trapped in the ice. Making matters worse, there was a compulsive punster aboard. He'd fit right in around here.

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I just did a little retail therapy.. Online, but I still was fun. Currently on the line between really friggen pissed at h and just plain hate.

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Back from wal mart. found 2 pairs of shorts yay! and they were cheap, too. h goes "anytime I can come away from you buying clothes for less than $15 I'm a happy camper!" In my somewhat enebriated state that was funny, i'm pretty certain he was just joking around because i rarely buy clothes. i'm still feeling rather emotional re: the recent t stuff but as soon as i finish packing i'm going to take a long hot bath and cry some more (like last night) and then go to bed and by morning I'll be good as new. And since I only have to work 4 hours tomorrow, it will double sweet. triple sweet, because we have a one hour meeting at 10, and I leave at 11. Yeah!

I am teling myself that i am going ot learn how to put away t stuff and leave it put away until i am in her office again. i weary of doing my inner workings so alllll the freaking time. h booked another 2 nights so we are not coming back until wednesday. this is going to be a good trip. i am starting to really look forward to it. i'm gonna let my wild child come out and have some flipping FUN!!!!!!

I suppose they ate him first. No pun there, just sayin.

Pundergotchies.

(sorry, I had to do it.)

You are not sorry. Own it, Art!

agghhhh!!






(ok that was a good one )

I washed the puppy's teddy half an hour ago and he is still scratching at the door and howling for it. He will not be distracted.

You're right. I went there and I'm proud!

That is sooooooo sweet.

I now have a disturbing image of a puppy wearing lingerie stuck in my head.

My imagination is really a gutter.