therapist just terminated with me

Yes, this is what bugs me too!

I feel empowered just from standing up to him. Not being 'oh you told me not to contact you anymore or ask any third party to contact you and I am obeying you - you great and mighty therapist you.'.

I am saying that the perpetrator does not get to call the shots. he does not get to say who I can complain to, when I can complain to them and what I might need to send to him if I am making a complaint. He is in the wrong here. He has aborted therapy whilst working what appears to be full time and he did it in a brutal and cowardly way and he is very much hoping I will slink away and not cause him trouble. I shall simply report him to his professional bodies. That is very empowering and he wounded me and dis empowered me and I am feeling much better for fighting back. The official complaint to the NHS and to the governing bodies, is already written and ready to go. If they don't reply soon, we just start the complaints procedure.

Filing a complaint was very helpful and healing for me. I understand it isn't the best thing for everyone, but for me it was necessary to get past the trauma. And my ex therapist isn't practicing anymore (i doubt it's due to me) so that is a relief. He won't hurt anyone like that again.

He has broken too many boundaries, acted too unprofessionally, been to negligent and bailed out in a paddy - aborting the careful worked out ending plan. He is not fit to work - so that is the complaint we shall be making

I notice that when someone is terrorized by therapy, the extent to which they express that terror outside the four walls of therapy --whether in a forum like this or in an online review site or even when attempting to contact the therapist -- is automatically correlated with how resistant or confused they must be, and therefore how forcefully they need to be coaxed back into therapy. But seems obvious to me it's simply an indication of the extent of the damage done.

I see this as one manifestation of RCBS (Reflexive Client Blaming Syndrome).

Have you set a firm date that indicates when you plan on filing the complaint? Like whether or not you hear back? "I will put the complaint letter in the mail or submit it online on November --, 2016."

I believe you said the complaint is already written, but you are waiting to see if they respond. I think it would be good to get the process rolling just in case they don't respond or they do respond unsatisfactorily. But maybe waiting is a part of your process? I'm not sure.

I have decided to wait until mid November before I file formal complaints. I might even file a police report, but that is a whole other story.
I am giving them ample time to reply to our proposal. Three weeks is enough time.
This man needs to know then when he makes serious errors of judgement, he gets come back on it and it is serious.

Sue his sadistic ***.

Litigation is possible
but first I shall make formal complaints to the NHS
his governing body and
the BPS

There are three of us working the complaint and making it really clear and strong.

this therapist abused me
abused my trust, and my vulnerability and made serious mistakes.

Maybe this is my own thinking, but I would assume that his licensing board is under no obligation to respond to your proposal because to do so would indicate the therapist is guilty without allowing him a chance to tell his side of the story--they'll presume ethical and practice competence unless otherwise proving in a public hearing.

If they were to grant the proposal, it would be "unjustly" (in a court of law) undermining the therapist and it opens the licensing body up to litigation because therapist do have rights with complaints and there is a set formal process that needs to be followed when a complaint or report is made or is being made. So, I would bargain that a formal complaint needs to be submitted anyway because the board will not have the ability to force a therapist's hands without a fair hearing where both parties (you and your T) are present.

I know that you mentioned his professional body is the HCPC and they have a list of standards in regard to the information needed before they start the complaint process. I'm just not sure if they would be willing to respond to an informal proposal because of the legal implications.

I believe the proposal that OP is talking about was sent to the ex-T and his practice. She is waiting to see if ex-T responds to the proposal before filing an official complaint.

If I have this wrong, MariaLucy, please correct me.

You are correct Kecanoe.
We are still waiting.
Though as time passes I feel less inclined to ever see this T again, and just file a formal complaint as strongly worded as possible, so that he will get struck off.
For his own sake, he would be wise to agree to a closure plan. I could always allow the closure to happen and THEN file a complaint.
Actually in this moment I don't even wish for closure - I guess I want him struck off.
This guy should not be supervising trainee psychologists never mind doing intense therapy with people.
It is a shame he has flipped, he was a good psychologist once upon a time.

One of the things that burn out does is depersonalise the client. I think that is what he had begun to do to me from about April. I became a demanding, difficult, vexacious client and he lost all empathy for me - he detached.

Unforunately, I don't think a T who does this for ANY reason big or small is going to suddenly turn and offer closure sessions to any client because client sends a letter. I'd file the complaint now and get on with finding your own closure with or without another T. I don't agree with what or how he did it but you can't really change that at this point. Honestly even 10 sessions? Would that really bring closure with all the added pain he has caused? With the sudden termination by my xpdoc who I was very attached to(didn't realize at the time though) true closure came from inside. Even with a T closure came in my own time from inside. It's a very individual process. Xpdoc did me very wrong if you dig beneath the surface but at face value on the surface it looks a-ok. In actuality despite all the pain I thought would never go away the termination was the best thing...and guess what you can get better after professionals like this...I did. It's not easy but it's super sweet when it happens. I look forward to the day I run into xpdoc and can just scream for everyone around to hear: "in your face a s s h o l e!" And be able to walk away without hearing him out.

Closure won't always be perfect. I had a "closure" call with ex t. She blamed me for our issues, called me names and was rude. It did more damage than healing and left me with some things to deal with. I'm not saying don't go after him or let him away because you should tell him he's hurt you, I guess just prepare he may be in defense mode and out to hurt you. Your T is not your T anymore. He's just a stranger who looks like him.

I took my T on somewhat, on the phone following termination. It was sketchy and bit risky. But the last of these couple of phone calls was the most significant part of the entire process. She broke down, confessed a few things, and most importantly I took back some power by speaking to her in a direct way, made sure she understood the truth.

It doesn't have to be so black and white. The choices are not just to drop the whole thing completely, or to get caught in some protracted battle.

Well, I find that as time goes by I just want this man to face severe disciplinary action or be struck off. He would have to grovel big time if we meet for me to forgive him for the **** and pain he has put me through. He did not care to give one minute of thought to the pain and anguish he knew he would be landing on my head. For that he deserves to rot in hell. He is actually a weak and spineless person, that was evident all the way along. And not very bright to boot.
He can't be very bright if he can't work out which is best for him: either grovel in some closure sessions or lose my job as a psychologist as this client knows every single rule infringement I have done and will happily tell all.

Not the brightest bulb in the pack.

Actually it just struck me that he or one of his colleagues could be following this thread. Can you access this forum as a random googling passerby?

The psychologist who is fighting my corner for me to get a proper closure sorted wrote this email to me just now:
He is abandoning his responsibility for ending with you properly if he is not in coma or dead - at least once he has had a period to recover from his own distress (which I appreciate is much less than yours) – but he has written off the possibility of that in the 'final' letter in the heat of his own stuff – hence my proposal to force a rethink and a better path forwards for you and ultimately him too

Your x-T knows exactly what he did. This psychologist in your corner trying to force a re-think sounds bazurk. Seems like an unnecessary step, unless you're really set on sitting with this x-T again for 5-10. You've said atleast once you want him struck off or to face severe penalties.

The penalties are only possibly going to happen with the complaint and legal avenues(if there are any) if you choose. Hope this psychologist isn't giving you false hope thereby setting you up for more pain.

Without the complaint or legal avenues I don't see forcing anything and even then it probably would be force closure sessions with you. Legal might equate to financial compensation if there's basis...Im not a lawyer. And his governing body/bodies depending on severity they deem I'm not sure the consequences but not likely gonna be forced interaction with you. Given the damage he's done already by his actions they won't want to be responsible for further damage by forcing him to interact with you.

Chances are he has some idea that is probably the case so I highly doubt he'd willingly conceed closure sessions.

ETA: Of course this is much easier to say when I am not in the emotional depths of the situation.

Hope you find peace and closure in time regardless of impending actions you decide to go with.

Hi DelusionsDaily
We thought it was worth a go. Asking for closure is step one. With gloves on. If that doesn't work we go to step Two with gloves off. He would be seriously foolish to let it escalate that far. It could mean him losing his other job which he needs financially. And it would be an awful way to end a career. This man is unhinged.
I might not want to see him even if he does agree to some closure sessions. I mean, I would probably stand there and verbally tear him to shreds. Which is what he truly deserves.
The only way closure would work for me is if he profusely deeply apologised, in tears, for what he did and then try to mend it.
Not one of you nor me can know if he is capable of this. I have seen him apologise before, he is capable of seeing his mistakes but this might be such a u-turn in his current mind state that he may not be capable of it.
I have lost respect for him. I also see him as incredibly foolish. I see him as driven by emotions that he cannot control and will one day look back and be ashamed of himself, if not already.
My supportive mental health advocate is not setting me up with false hope, he is just taking it in a graduated way. If step one doesn't work (the most sane and sensible solution to this mess) then we go to Step Two which is formal complaint and if that doesn't work we go to Step three which is litigation and damages. so it is just sensible to try the gentlest approach first.

Does your supportive mental health advocate understand that if your ex-t isn't in his old job and decides to see you outside of that arrangement he may well be in breach of his contract if employment and could face complaint and sanction by his old employer? Do they understand that if your T were to see you outwith his old workplace as part of a private service provision that someone would need to pay your ex-t for sessions he spends with you, or he would be open to complaint or sanction for continuing to see you informally not as part of therapy. Basically this guy is in a catch 22, whatever he does here someone - you, his old employer - could legitimately complain about it so the threat of complaint from you may just not matter that much. In fact his old employer may already be undertaking their own disciplinary investigation into his work with you, or have submitted a complaint to his registering body. His therapy with you was unethical all the way through, the ending is just the tip of the iceberg.

I guess what I'm saying is he may not care about whether you complain or not because someone else has got there already, if they have, part of any disciplinary process would mean he couldn't have any contact with you. So, he doesn't need to be dead, or in a coma (what a bizarrely unprofessional thing for a professional to say about a fellow professional) to legitimately not reply or have contact with you.

Your mental health advocate can say what they like here, they aren't in possession of all of the facts either so actually can't say what his motives are - there are many reasons why he won't or can't respond to you that have got nothing st all to do with his clinical responsibility or lack thereof and everything to do with him being employed under contract, with terms that usually prohibit personal communication with clients, or being under disciplinary or complaint which means he'd be in even more trouble if he had contact with you.

Of course he may just be ignoring you, in which case you may as well go through the complaint process and have done. Sooner started, sooner finished.

MY mental health advocate's job was to mediate in disputes like these in NHS psychological services so he knows exactly what the contract is like for my T. My advocate was a lead psychologist himself for 30 years. Which is why he is suggesting this as a way forward and as you haven't seen the proposal and are not in possession of all the facts either, Merecat, it is a bit hard that you are jumping in with judgements here about his proposed way forward, a three page document which goes through step by step the very concerns you are raising.

Merecat - do you know this therapist?
You write:
"there are many reasons why he won't or can't respond to you that have got nothing at all to do with his clinical responsibility or lack thereof and everything to do with him being employed under contract, with terms that usually prohibit personal communication with clients, or being under disciplinary or complaint which means he'd be in even more trouble if he had contact with you.

how do you know all this?

Sorry you're going through all this Maria - you seem to be bearing up well.

I am sorry i am going through this too. My heart bleeds.