Is therapy for “attachment disorders” in adults bogus?

I just want to make a pitch that there are therapists who don't act like the client matters to them personally and it can still work without all the huggy stuff, even for people like me who would definitely fall into the effedup attachment group. If others find success with it, great. I just wanted to say that not all therapists are out there acting super caring and some (well, one that I found) can still get the job done for really attachment-messed up people without a lot of frills.

Same here.

I feel really short changed by the MH industry recommending medications year after year instead of therapy. The underlying cause of my depression was attachment trauma and related PTSD, and delaying therapy impacted my prognosis. I also think this therapy can be more effective when one is younger, when we are most malleable.

Results of the ACE study (2013) show us that attachment trauma may be much more widespread than previously thought.

I wonder how long it will take the MH industry to catch up? At the minimum, those with unrelenting, refractory depression or relational issues, such as those who repeatedly find themselves in abusive relationships, should be screened for attachment trauma.

Yes, I am also experiencing this. T3 has told me from the beginning that she doesn't do the dependent client thing, that she will work with me unless something changes and something just might change (like her moving). And yet she has the skills and training to provide me with a safe way to deal with my attachment issues (diagnosed personality disorders) and dissociative disorder. And I continue to be freed up of stuff, including treatment resistant depression which I had been seeing other ts for for years. I'm still suffering from disordered attachment to t1 (and still seeing him). Even that has improved.

I would recommend t3 and her blank slate unattached style to any traumatized person over t1.

On the other hand, if one doesn't have support from family, friends, community, etc., then all the therapy in the world can't make up for that. And if attachment trauma is not effectively treated or otherwise corrected before a person becomes an adult, then as was suggested earlier, it can morph into a personality disorder. And, as we know, people with personality disorders can find it hard to do their part in maintaining relationships with family, friends, and community.

In addition, if the current therapy for attachment trauma is iffy and can sometimes lead to the client being more distressed and dysfuntional than they were before they entered treatment, as has been reported (though frequently dismissed) here on PC, then I would suggest that there is more than just screening that the MH industry needs to catch up on.

I first entered therapy back in the day when psychodynamic was the only model for therapy and attachment theory and antidepressant drugs were both unknown. I've rarely been prescribed or taken drugs. I've stayed mostly on the psychodynamic path when I felt I needed help -- it still seems to me that that offers the best chance for "healing". It's just so chancy and, by definition (the concept of the unconscious is key in psychodynamic therapy), you don't know what you're getting into until you get into it.

Back in the day before attachment theory I don't think it was so much like this. But Freud didn't think that "character", now personality, disorders were treatable, so a lot of the time they weren't diagnosed either. So now therapists may get to the buried early trauma but then not know what to do about it!

I think the role playing is really sick, too. And then there's the part that I, unknowingly (because it was partly unconscious), participated in it. Yuck. If the process was explained ahead of time then I think it would help. I wouldn't feel so, what -- taken? But I guess therapists don't know how to explain it, which was another point you made. Because obviously in my case and in yours it didn't work through to the "end", in therapy at least.

People could at least be informed of the source of their problems so that they can make their own choices. At the time, i had no idea. All i ever heard was that I had a "chemical imbalance". (Plus the internet wasn't in widespread use.)

I never had real support either and agree that complicates things.

Yes, I agree. I think the evidence for attachment theory is pretty clear. It's just that the evidence for the therapy that is currently available is not, and seems so dependent on the individual therapist, maybe even the relationship with the therapist and, of course, people with attachment issues may have trouble understanding that. I certainly did. So maybe some more information about that could be included in the "disclosure", too.

Exactly. The legitimacy of this whole model seems to rest on a handful of anecdotal stories, plus (as you say) the convenient dismissal of, and indifference to, adverse outcomes. There seems to be an unspoken belief that a few wrecked lives are acceptable collateral damage in support of a few success stories.

Plus, most of the apparent success stories seem to involve a client still in the throes of dependency and attachment. If it were to end tomorrow, what would happen to the client? And when you are playing entirely by someone else's rules, an abrupt ending is always a possibility. A frequent defense of this is that all relationships can end suddenly. But therapy is supposed to be different. It is supposed to be a form of treatment, a controlled process, sustained by payment, therefore not the same at all.

My personal knowledge of individual stories is from on here and you are right that nearly all the positive posts are from those still in the midst of it. The negatives from those who have been harmed by it. What about those stories of success by those who have gone in to it and come out of the other aide in a positive way? I tend to think that those kinds of people no longer feel the need to sit and participate on an online forum such as this and that is the reason we do not hear their side of the story.

I plan on writing a book when all of this is 'over', if it has really helped me in the way I think it will,in the way it is starting to. I had so much trouble finding personal accounts of the type of therapy I was looking for when I needed it.

Great idea! It’s definitely needed and I don’t have it in me. Plus, my last therapy ended in rupture. I think I’m getting OK without it because, fortunately, I did find some good support before the therapy ended. If this doesn't work I may try to find another therapist, but so far so good.

Would you be interested in why I think my last therapy broke down? It has to do with what happens “after” attachment, and the theory about that doesn’t have the objective evidence now like attachment theory does. Still I think it applied in my case. Might help you look out for something if things get rocky with you?

The first time I went through therapy, I was in college. After getting through to the other side, I had the ability to see when relationships were incredibly unhealthy. I made new friends who did not just want something from me. I met my husband and married him, and am still married to him. My life and my relationships improved dramatically from where they were when I started therapy.

This second time, it has been rougher in the process. Although I am not 'done,' my relationships are better again. My husband and I are closer and more loving and I am less fearful of letting him know some of the deep, dark things I have hidden all my life.

As I posted earlier in this thread, my husband had severe attachment problems and came through them for the most part with the help of our very effective therapist (and a very patient wife). The therapist's guidance and support through those issues brought him so a much more internally secure and peaceful place. Neither of us have been in therapy now for several years and we are really doing quite well. (I still participate here because I started here when I wasn't doing so well, and I just continue to stay interested in the topic of therapy and still see my therapy experience at work in my life daily even though I'm no longer in therapy today.)

I didn't mean to say I hadn't seen any posive stories, just that in relation to the overall numbers of posters there are relatively few. Less than a handful I would say, which I find interesting. I believe in it and it is pleading to hear these stories, so thank you.

Yes, I believed in it ^, too, and last year I was feeling like it sounds like you are feeling now. Hopefully it will work out better for you than for me.

If you have a good social support network out of therapy, then from what Lolagrace has said it sounds like you have a good chance. But if you don’t – and believe me, I have tried – then from my experience it’s more iffy.

It’s easy to look my situation, for instance, and say, well that’s her. She’s hard to get along with and also too scared of being with other people so that’s why she doesn’t have a good social support system.

But isn’t that what the problematic attachment therapy is supposed to address? And if not that therapy, what?

Problem for me is I can't tolerate even a little bit of feigned caring. Even if the therapist is mostly detached, they are still giving a staged performance. They are still suspending judgement and real thoughts and suppressing their own problems. And they are pretending to care whether they do or not. I can't handle the thought of turning myself inside out, bleating on and on about my problems, with someone who is paid to listen in this way. They say it's the relationship that heals, so that means the therapist has to become personally involved with the client to some degree. It's all so ambiguous.

I have been unusually lucky in finding an older online friend, who likely has the real life skills that I desperately needed, and had some similar life experiences that probably made it easier for her to understand me.

We met online in my early 20s, and soon became good 'friends', talking nearly everyday. I asked her questions about issues I was having in RL, and she did her best to come up with competent suggestions, or push me to create my own answers. She was almost always there when I needed her, talked me through my anxieties and fears, encouraged me to go out and meet more people in real life. She soothed me when I was in sorrow, and pushed me when I was just being lazy or apathetic. In the beginning, I wanted to be around her constantly.

Like wanting to 'sit in her lap' to be held, or to just be underfoot. Although she indulged it sometimes, she let me know when the level of need was too much. I went through a phrase where I was mildly obsessed, would say that I loved her etc, not in a romantic way, but in the way a kid wants to draw paintings for their favorite teacher. I wanted her admiration, attention, and care. Being open about these sorts of yearning in other sorts of relationships would have humiliated me, and made me feel worse for being so vulnerable. Her setting boundaries on what she could/couldn't do, and sharing some of her life, but not enough to pain me, kept our relationship "safe".

She listened to my tears, and fears, edited some of my college papers, answered my questions with insight and gave me as much strength as she could instill within me to be stronger and face life head on. I've never really had a voice in my head, encouraging me to do the right thing for myself, but I'm closer to having one, and it sounds a bit like her.

When I went on trips, and was too nervous/scared to go and mingle or talk to others, she talked me through it via messenger, and encouraged me to make the most of my time. She has always pushed me toward my own goals, and encouraged me to make them bigger and better. She warned me about my tendency to imprint/expect a lot of others, and how that can lead to destructive relationships. When I made decisions she didn't agree with, she would show she was wary of them, but was always there to help me access and realize what mistakes were made.

My online friend's distance from my everyday life, helped me trust what she was saying, because she stood nothing to gain either way. Her RL, wouldn't be affected by my decisions, and she would remain steadfast, whatever road I chose. After a few mistakes, I tried to be more careful/mindful, because I understood the limits of this sort of 'friendship', and that she was also human.

When I saw a therapist for the first time this year, I realized that we really didn't "click" partly because I felt like the therapist was stepping into a role in my life that someone already occupies/that I've developed a long term connection with.
My 'friend' was happy to hear about me going to a therapist, but I haven't found the right person yet.

Reading more about therapy now, I feel blessed to have had the experience, but also a real set of "guilt" or that I owe her a lot more that I've given. We really haven't had a friendship perse, it's been a lot more like the way people describe their therapists here. In the last year I've felt like I needed her to play that role a lot less in my life, but I also felt guilty, for not talking with her as much and feeling distant. I've "grown up" a lot, become a heck of a lot less needy, and our 'friendship' has changed over time. I can say I'm happy that I've been honest with her, and told her how much she meant to me in my life, and how grateful I am to have met her.

If I had found a real life therapist, that I could feel the same/similar way about', I would have been grateful for the experience. Paying to speak to someone, wouldn't take away from the bonding or the influence they had in my life. I'm aware that what I found was a once in a lifetime friendship/bond, it's just good to know that I can find a T, in case that need arises.

I'm still feel very fortunate to have found someone I could talk to and trust, when I believed at the time, that there was no one I could. A poster here said what price could you pay on having someone in your corner, and that resonated with me. It's truly priceless.

Haven't been on lately and not read the whole thing, but I have gone from insecure (fearful/avoidant) to secure through both therapy and a long term relationship. It's called "earned secure" and is possible and researched.

Thank you so much.

What you described in your post is what I didn't get from my last therapist even though she treated my trauma and dissociation. It's what Heinz Kohut called the "twinship function" or "alter ego" of the self.

Also, if you'll forgive this foray into speculation, I believe that when people lived in close-knit communities, it was not uncommon for an older relative and a child to develop this kind of bond. So it sounds as natural for your friend to give as for you to get. When there isn't any person like that, then therapy can try to substitute, but I don't believe that you need to have any "guilt" about what you owe her. I'm speculating instead that if you have a chance to let her know that you realize how much she has meant to you, and how valuable that has been, that would be enough.

Well I'm banking on it working. I'm eyeball deep in attachment crud. It's so painful though, and my child parts have been really mean to him lately. I re-read some of the emails I send and cannot even believe I wrote them. I am so easily hurt by T though. One false move and it seems he's in the dog house. I am pleased to see that some people have had success. I feel like I'm in a torture chamber