After telling my therapist i almost had a nervous breakdown last week, he told me i couldnt email him anymore.

He did this with texts a year ago, but it was fine. I understand. But I dont understand why, when i need more support, he takes away support. Hes always allowed the emails. We talked and agreed upon no angry emails after an episode that led to a rupture, so its not about that.

He mentioned he might not be the best therapist for me, main reason is that i need to come twice a week, not once. I cant afford that. I cant even remember the other reason right now. Now i remember the other reason- because hes not a therapist who works outside the treatment frame. But he is-he did it for three years.

I feel so unstable now, couldnt have been a worse time for him to do this.

When i first met him, i had multiple losses in a short period of time, plus my dreams were crushed. Surgeries. Lots of things. I was so depressed, i couldnt get out of bed. Now 3 years later, im supposed to be a changed person.

It seems like hes purposely making himself not the best therapist for me. I need support more than ever, so hes taking it away.

Hes slowly abandoning me. I feel like im losing it now. And that im going to lose my job. And kill myself. Why after all 3 years, why now take actions that make me worse off? I feel more unstable than after PTSD trauma.

All i did was ask him if we coukd agree upon a short email or call if i was in crisis like this. This involved an introject experience, that doesnt happen that often.. He always takes things away after i ask for them.

What i mean is, like before, i told him it made me feel really good when he used a certain soothing voice. So he never talked like that to me again. Lots of small things like that.

I asked him today for an occasional email or call if in crisis, and now i cant email at all.

WTH?It doesn't even make sense that he told you that you can't email anymore.I am sorry that happened to you!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Skies

After telling my therapist i almost had a nervous breakdown last week, he told me i couldnt email him anymore.

He did this with texts a year ago, but it was fine. I understand. But I dont understand why, when i need more support, he takes away support. Hes always allowed the emails. We talked and agreed upon no angry emails after an episode that led to a rupture, so its not about that.

He mentioned he might not be the best therapist for me, main reason is that i need to come twice a week, not once. I cant afford that. I cant even remember the other reason right now. Now i remember the other reason- because hes not a therapist who works outside the treatment frame. But he is-he did it for three years.

I feel so unstable now, couldnt have been a worse time for him to do this.

When i first met him, i had multiple losses in a short period of time, plus my dreams were crushed. Surgeries. Lots of things. I was so depressed, i couldnt get out of bed. Now 3 years later, im supposed to be a changed person.

It seems like hes purposely making himself not the best therapist for me. I need support more than ever, so hes taking it away.

Hes slowly abandoning me. I feel like im losing it now. And that im going to lose my job. And kill myself. Why after all 3 years, why now take actions that make me worse off? I feel more unstable than after PTSD trauma.

All i did was ask him if we coukd agree upon a short email or call if i was in crisis like this. This involved an introject experience, that doesnt happen that often.. He always takes things away after i ask for them.

What i mean is, like before, i told him it made me feel really good when he used a certain soothing voice. So he never talked like that to me again. Lots of small things like that.

I asked him today for an occasional email or call if in crisis, and now i cant email at all.

I'm sorry, Skies. Your T sounds kind of cruel. Why would he take away the very things that make you feel better? An occasional email doesn't sound like too much to ask for either. I know when my T took away handholding it was supposedly in my best interests. The same with emails. So does your T think giving you what you want is keeping you dependent on him? It sounds like he wants to take what you like away because he doesn't think he can help you anymore. What kind of therapy does he use? What does "outside the treatment frame" mean?

I hope you can work this out with him. Maybe you should call a hotline tonight. Are you still allowed to call him? What does he expect you to do in an emergency? Please stay safe. Hugs.

It sounds like he wants to take what you like away because he doesn't think he can help you anymore.

What do you mean by that?

He does psychoanalytic therapy. I feel he encouraged the dependency. No, i think calling a hotline would only piss me off. I think it would make me worse off, talking to a stranger who i have no relationship with.

He asked me if i had a friend i could talk to in crises. Have no idea who i could talk to when feeling like a nervous breakdown. Thats one of the main reasons i go to therapy.

Im just having such a hard time now, i feel like i need more support from him temporarily. But after asking, theres now less.

Holy cow. I'm so sorry your T is behaving this way. His reaction is not cool at all. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry again.

Its not about deserving or not deserving...

I guess if i tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital, he would say, see, i told you im not the best therapist for you.

Im going to lose my mind. If you wanted to get rid of someone, i suppose this would be the easiest way. But how could he care so little about me? I dont see how you could care for someone and at the same time, knowingly cause so much harm.

I guess because he got to know me and realized im not worth his helping me?

Originally Posted by Skies

Its not about deserving or not deserving...

I guess if i tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital, he would say, see, i told you im not the best therapist for you.

Im going to lose my mind. If you wanted to get rid of someone, i suppose this would be the easiest way. But how could he care so little about me? I dont see how you could care for someone and at the same time, knowingly cause so much harm.

I guess because he got to know me and realized im not worth his helping me?

No, absolutely not. It takes a coward of a therapist to do what he's doing. He's not worth YOU because you deserve better than this behavior.

Originally Posted by AmethystFaery

No, absolutely not. It takes a coward of a therapist to do what he's doing. He's not worth YOU because you deserve better than this behavior.

I think thats something people say as a defense. Thats not actually true.

No, i really love my therapist. If anything, why would any therapist want to try to help me if there are easier clients who get better?

I once thought he liked challenging clients. I guesd that wears off pretty quickly.

Im really devastated. It feels traumatizing and that i have to die because theres no way to escape the trauma.

Maybe you could call him,or maybe go ahead and email him anyway even though he said you couldn't,and tell him exactly what you are thinking and feeling about all of this?

[growlycat]

Sounds like compassion fatigue. Maybe he is burning out not on you but his profession in general. It would be awful, unthinkable that a treatable and curable person would kill themselves over a t who not being responsible. He is obviously not taking care of his own needs offline. That should never be your problem. I hope you are open to interviewing other t's.

No, i asked him for another session.

Growly, not over him. The trauma feelings. To escspe a fate. I really feel thst unstable to lose my job. I have mo savings, no help. Ive already lost everything more than once, worked really hard to get my life in order. I overcame a good deal of adversity, so i have no strenghth left.

I really dont ask him for much.

I cant do this with another therapist. The thought of getting attached and opening up to someone, only to be abandoned again, is unbearable..

[growlycat]

He is sort of the last straw though. What if you had someone to support you the way you need it? Maybe that would make all of the difference to keep going.

I don't mean to make light of your personal situation. Before I moved to Texas I was losing my job and I have a lot of debt. I was terrified of living out of my car potentially. It is scary to have a lack of supports. My ca t helped me through many out of state job interviews that required an interview project and lots of legwork. Sometimes small kindnesses can tip the balance. I wish we could do more here on PC. If there is anything maybe ask for input here? I'll have to think some more on it. Hugs.

Thank you so much Growly, that was very helpful.
Glad you made it through

Originally Posted by growlycat

He is sort of the last straw though. What if you had someone to support you the way you need it? Maybe that would make all of the difference to keep going.

I don't mean to make light of your personal situation. Before I moved to Texas I was losing my job and I have a lot of debt. I was terrified of living out of my car potentially. It is scary to have a lack of supports. My ca t helped me through many out of state job interviews that required an interview project and lots of legwork. Sometimes small kindnesses can tip the balance. I wish we could do more here on PC. If there is anything maybe ask for input here? I'll have to think some more on it. Hugs.

But i doubt i could take a chance and ever open up to another therapist as long as i live.

The thing is-im already broken. I wad already at my limit before we started working together. I have no tolerance left. Its like my resilience was 'used up' by this therapy. Theres nothing left to grasp, not even a kernal of strength. Im done.

[Elio]

Skies, I see you finding strength with every post. If you can't find something inside to grasp onto, grasp onto the line that PC offers each of us. It is here, it is strong, and we will listen.

I don't get it with some t's and the shift in behavior around year 3-4. The best guess I can come up with is that they are frustrated that they have not helped their clients the way they envisioned when the client first presented and they don't know what to do.

[feileacan]

But Skies, what does he tell you, when you bluntly ask him why does he do that? And ask as long as his answer makes sense to you. A sensible answer would be the kind of answer for which you would somehow feel and be convinced that he is doing it with your best interests in mind in long-term, even if you don't like it in short-term. But when his answer leaves you with the feeling of being uncontained then I would say that ask him to clarify again.

I think there could be two possible outcomes. Either his answer starts to make sense for you and then you don't feel as abandoned and your work can continue. Or you become more and more convinced that he's doing it for himself and not for your good and then I'm not sure it would be worth continuing with him. In either case it would bring more clarity into your relationship because I'm assuming that you wouldn't want to trust your heeling to someone's hands who is not actually able to think what is good for you.

I know what youre saying, but its almost as if a therapist would have to go out of their way to make things worse. I mean, all he has to do is talk with me. Why the need to take 'actions'? Its not like we had any concrete goals to reavh by x year. Inknow he hasnother long term clients.

What makes the most sense is that he regrets ever knowing me and wants to get rid of me. Why would he want to meet with me every week when he can have interesting, healthier, more pleasant people who dont have as many problems? Why deal with me. Why wouldnt anyone want to be rid of me when others are better to have around?

Originally Posted by Elio

Skies, I see you finding strength with every post. If you can't find something inside to grasp onto, grasp onto the line that PC offers each of us. It is here, it is strong, and we will listen.

I don't get it with some t's and the shift in behavior around year 3-4. The best guess I can come up with is that they are frustrated that they have not helped their clients the way they envisioned when the client first presented and they don't know what to do.

Originally Posted by Skies

After telling my therapist i almost had a nervous breakdown last week, he told me i couldnt email him anymore.

So,you told him and he just flat out said you can't email anymore?No explanation?No alternatives?Did he discuss it at all?

Thats a really good point. He says its the treatment frame. He never gets specific. I would be ok with it if it was because he cared or if it was for my benefit, but he never puts it thst way.

Originally Posted by feileacan

But Skies, what does he tell you, when you bluntly ask him why does he do that? And ask as long as his answer makes sense to you. A sensible answer would be the kind of answer for which you would somehow feel and be convinced that he is doing it with your best interests in mind in long-term, even if you don't like it in short-term. But when his answer leaves you with the feeling of being uncontained then I would say that ask him to clarify again.

I think there could be two possible outcomes. Either his answer starts to make sense for you and then you don't feel as abandoned and your work can continue. Or you become more and more convinced that he's doing it for himself and not for your good and then I'm not sure it would be worth continuing with him. In either case it would bring more clarity into your relationship because I'm assuming that you wouldn't want to trust your heeling to someone's hands who is not actually able to think what is good for you.

He said i can ask for another session. Which means i wont be able to afford what i need.

He said it was because he doesnt workoutside the treatment frame.

Originally Posted by CrispApple

So,you told him and he just flat out said you can't email anymore?No explanation?No alternatives?Did he discuss it at all?

[growlycat]

The treatment frame differs therapist to therapist. He may be hiding his own issues and burnout behind the "frame". I'm calling bs on this guy.

Maybe it's not a bad thing at all,maybe he realizes he is simply not qualified to give you the proper treatment you need.

Has he given you any referrals for other therapists?

Hes more than qualified.

Originally Posted by CrispApple

Maybe it's not a bad thing at all,maybe he realizes he is simply not qualified to give you the proper treatment you need.

Has he given you any referrals for other therapists?

Originally Posted by growlycat

The treatment frame differs therapist to therapist. He may be hiding his own issues and burnout behind the "frame". I'm calling bs on this guy.

Ill ask about it . I think its me though, not him

Actually, i did ask him not to long ago. Asked if there was something going on in his life or countertransference.

He told me hed tell me if something was impeding his ability to do therapy.

I also wonder if he read something here i posted when i was angry at him. He knows i write here. Maybe it made him angry at me and think im ungrateful. Maybe in comparison with his other clients. Its not as if i write here when things are going well...

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Skies

What makes the most sense is that he regrets ever knowing me and wants to get rid of me. Why would he want to meet with me every week when he can have interesting, healthier, more pleasant people who dont have as many problems? Why deal with me. Why wouldnt anyone want to be rid of me when others are better to have around?

Did you point blank ask him if he wants to get rid of you because that is the message you are hearing. You might not like the answer or you might get your point across to him that his current intervention style is not working for you in the short term and if he strongly believes in it, then he needs to give you more explanation.

As far as why would he want to meet with you every week... from what I have heard and read, for therapist that go for this type of therapy, it is the puzzle that drives them, the puzzle to understand the world and experiences of another. So if that is the case.. why would you want "healthier" people... I quote healthier, because none of us is healthier than another... we all have our own brand of crazy (to quote someone here) and no one is better or worse, healthier or sicker, crazier or normal than another... in this way, we are all unique snowflakes of dysfunction.