Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

Thank you for the photo, jDNA, and for keeping us posted. You really have done well.

primary health care people (at the clinic where I'm registered)

Thanks jersey. It will be again, once we either work thru this or split up, just gotta live life while i figure it out.... It helps a lot that i like my work.

(((Crocus)))

I'm in training at work learning an upgrade to one of our computer systems we use. I am already very excited about the changes, like almost getting up and dancing in the aisles excited. Changes implemented in the past have rarely shown such promise.

O.
M.
G.

I texted T with an angry tirade about how the primary health clinic had managed to book me in, after a very long silence, on one of the times I'd stated that I couldn't come. (When you book a time you get to specify when you cannot make it.) He texted me back(!) and said he'd contacted the boss of the clinic whom he knows, and ten minutes later I got a phone call from a super friendly nurse booking me in for another appointment. I don't know how to feel about this... I mean, I am very grateful to T, to the point of tearing up, but I also hate thinking that I was That Patient who kvetched and complained over a minor matter, and went above their heads to the boss... but then again, it honestly never occurred to me that T would do that. I also feel sheepish because it's such a small thing and I could presumably do it myself. All we like sheep, though, right?

Signed, conflicting emotions

also, surely T must care about me a little, tiny bit if he did that?

Thanks for the photo and update, Junk. Glad you got some sleep last night. You see your T tomorrow, right?

Sounds to me like he really cares. And you have nothing to feel bad about. I'm glad you got sorted

Went to the dentist. Four cavities. It's like I'm not even an adult and I'm 44. Blerg.

R replied to my email, and I have emailed an outline of an outline to the editor of the magazine. (I'm still hoping they don't take it, but...) Funny how much of an effect 'Be kind to yourself' can have.

Ugh.. t goes from ignoring me to sending me incredibly supportive emails that make me feel guilty about cursing at him in my head.

aww crocus, your T does care about you Like you said, you had no idea he would do that, but that is sweet of him Also, glad you don't have to take out your stitches yourself
i haven't gone in a year. i know i have at least one cavity. probably more.

Things have gone downhill rapidly... I feel absolutely terrible. I think this is the peak of the withdrawal. I actually went to the ER, I thought something was seriously wrong. My hands were cramped up and shaking, I was sweating, I felt like I was going to pass out. I cried to the triage nurse and then just said I want to go home. He said good luck, come back if you need to.

I've been drinking water...I think I got dehydrated.

I called out from work. I could not imagine working 8 hrs tonight. I was scared to call out but it went ok

I am so ready for this to be over. I need to remember how awful it feels...

Hang in there, junk, Crocus, healed, MP, everybody.

are you better, velcro?

I'm glad you were able to call out of work. I hope for you that it doesn't get worse and is over quickly... Please go to the ER if it gets too bad, will you? hugs and lots of support...

(((jDNA))) I hope you'll feel better very soon. I agree with Demunie, please do go the ER if you need to. Be kind to yourself.

velcro, I have taken out stitches before, though that was on my cats after they were sterilised... These are on my calf, where the scar will be covered by hair and trouser leg anyway so there is no cosmetic reason to pull the stitches particularly gently. I am glad I'll get a professional to do it, all the same.

Ugh. Feeling very anxious tonight.

echos
Are you anxious because of your T?

Yeah. I have been gearing up to talking to him about attachment all week and I've been fine with that, but in the last 24h I've started realising there's parts of my feelings I don't share with him, and I feel like I should, but I don't know if I'm setting myself up to be hurt, and I only have 3 sessions left before a 2 week break. All this is just spinning around in my mind.

Maybe try writing those feelings down? Writing those things down often stops the whirlwind of thoughts in my head. Your T seems great at handling your feelings, but I think you shouldn't force yourself to tell him something you don't feel safe telling... Could you go in and see what feelings you'd like to share and which once not?

ETA: I'd fail miserably in every english class today, sorry. I hope you still get what I mean

Thanks, yeah I probably should. I think I'm most scared to tell him about how much I've been googling him recently because he's been a bit defensive about that before, but it's kinda relevant because I've found an old picture of him which I've had quite a strong reaction to. Sigh. I'll probably feel better after some sleep.

If you are starting to experience ET (not saying you are and if you are you don't have to admit it) I can see why it's alarming you given what happened with your first T

However I think your T now is highly trained , and could possibly help you through it.

But of course it's up.to you what you share with him

Thanks Junk. I don't think I am. But I have just been thinking about him a lot. Then I saw a picture of him younger, and with a beard, and I've had a couple of confusing thoughts. I'll say that much. I do feel that at the centre of this is very young attachment feelings, but it's getting a little muddled.

I'm sorry you're feeling badly again...stay strong. Reach out here and/or to your T if you need to. Glad they were OK about you calling out.

Navaho rabbit!

Still no interviews, yet jobs I have applied for are still open.