Couch 141: The Inversional Hexachordal Combinatorial Couch

junkDNA · May 28, 2017, 12:45 PM

ps yes my T has said some questionable things before

Elio · May 28, 2017, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I just don't want people here to think I don't care

This is why your empathy is not a mimic. Perhaps you've used movies and such to learn the socially acceptable non-verbal and verbal ways to show empathy. The caring is in there (you).

atisketatasket · May 28, 2017, 12:53 PM

On the divorce stuff, first, thanks everybody.

The car insurance I can't do anything about till I have a cooy of the divorce decree.

The cell phone, if I could get the carrier to inform him, not me, I would do starting next billing cycle. So maybe I'll stop by a store.

I feel like the storage unit would be best stated officially, just because of the kind of person he is, plus I imagine he could accuse me of theft if he lost that stuff, but I can probably get myself to knock the time down considerably.

The Prime...my goal for the week will be to do that.

A lot of this is, I know how he thinks and reacts, and this is like calling attention to myself and putting a target on my back. The lawyer had to talk me out of not taking him off my benefits last year. (Yes, I'm scared of him.)

The irony of all this, is when he could hold down a job he made way more money than me (MD).

awkwardlyyours · May 28, 2017, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I've learned to mimic empathy from watching movies and people irl. I'm still not very good at it in person. People have told me I am intimidating when we first meet. Quiet.. Blunt.. Not very warm. I try to be better.
I just don't want peoplehere to think I don't care

For what it's worth, I would avoid people complaining about my being intimidating. That's their problem, not mine.

Not sure if it helps but I also have trouble not just with empathy but all other emotions as well. And yeah, my sum total of emotional "intelligence" is from reading books.

Hey, this gives me an idea for a running thread (like Dear T or In Session) -- 'Weird Emotional Encounters of the Third (or Nth) Kind' -- where folks post about all the times during the day/week that they had no idea what to say / react in situations involving emotions? And, others can chip in with ideas? That way we'll have a collective encyclopaedic reference thread to check out whenever we're unsure how to respond? I'm totally serious.

For example, I had absolutely no idea what to say yesterday in any of these really normal sorts of situations -- 1. Folks who were complaining about their (incredibly sucky) jobs; 2. Folks talking about having a fight with their partners. I mostly just stared at them quizzically and made a few sympathetic-sounding-in-my-head-but-mostly-coming-out-as-a-constipated-burp noises (and was largely grateful that they most likely attributed my weird non-response to my being piss-drunk -- problem is I'd have been even more awkward and weird if I hadn't had a few).

junkDNA · May 28, 2017, 12:56 PM

Thanks I feel better that you guys don't think I'm a seriel killer haha

stopdog · May 28, 2017, 01:06 PM

Okay - in a test - the site blanked out an obvious swear word in the middle of a made up word - but it did not blank out **** from dicktionary (which is also not a word)

velcro003 · May 28, 2017, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Mini-poll time, something I need to decide on for the final divorce decree:

- how long would you guys keep paying to keep an ex-spouse's possessions in storage? I have been paying already for 18 months or so. It's not a lot, about $90/month, but I want it off my budget. What seems a fair amount of time to allow said mentally ill ex, location unknown, to pick up said belongings? A year from the date of the final decree?

- likewise how long would you give them to get off your cell plan? I'm not actually sure how much that is costing me, and I have found it useful to be able to check his phone records in case there's any indication he's coming near me. Six months maybe?

There are a few other entanglements like insurance for my car (his car is on its own plan), but that I don't have any compunctions about removing him from as soon as I have the decree to show them (though it won't save me money).

Am I being too generous? At least one therapist (3) thought so, before I even started proceedings. And where I'm really hung up is he's on my Amazon Prime account - uses the shipping, video, music features a lot (we can't see each other's actual account information like address, though I can see what he puts on the watchlist - I sometimes get the feeling he puts specific titles on there to send me a message). I can't bring myself to do the two mouse clicks that it would take to remove him, because, what if it's giving him some pleasure in what is so obviously a terrible life for him?

I agree with SD, I think you have already been too generous. I did read your further post where you are afraid of him, so that is definitely something to be taken into account. That is a tough situation, and I feel like I can't give well-informed advice here. Have you talked to CW about any of this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Please don't hate me couchies

I am more concerned about your paranoia levels. They have seemed to get worse over the past week or two. What has changed?

I don't hate you, and do not think you are a socio/psychopath.

velcro003 · May 28, 2017, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Bug****ingly baffled by others.

Hmmm...trying to figure out what swear word goes in between "bug" and "ingly" I have a guess, though.

atisketatasket · May 28, 2017, 01:11 PM

Nice new username, ex-Elsewhere! I like it.

kecanoe · May 28, 2017, 01:14 PM

JD, I think your t told you that your past could create sociopaths was perhaps a way of saying that you have overcome much. As in, you are not a sociopath.

Besides that, I agree with other posters that I find you genuine and helpful on this forum. A psychopath wouldn't bother with trying to figure out how to be helpful.

Sometimes I hurt for you, but I never find you bothersome.

stopdog · May 28, 2017, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Nice new username, ex-Elsewhere! I like it.

I missed it. Can't figure out new name.

It might have been while banging my head against the wall.

atisketatasket · May 28, 2017, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I missed it. Can't figure out new name.

It might have been while banging my head against the wall.

See Dear T - UnderRugSwept.

anais_anais · May 28, 2017, 01:38 PM

I'm hosting a quartet-reading party in my apartment tonight.

I've been looking forward to it for a while but now I keep having the urge to cancel...

I love reading parties. What the eff is my problem.

junkDNA · May 28, 2017, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

I am more concerned about your paranoia levels. They have seemed to get worse over the past week or two. What has changed?

I don't hate you, and do not think you are a socio/psychopath.

i adjusted my medications last week

ruh roh · May 28, 2017, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

On the divorce stuff, first, thanks everybody.

The car insurance I can't do anything about till I have a cooy of the divorce decree.

The cell phone, if I could get the carrier to inform him, not me, I would do starting next billing cycle. So maybe I'll stop by a store.

I feel like the storage unit would be best stated officially, just because of the kind of person he is, plus I imagine he could accuse me of theft if he lost that stuff, but I can probably get myself to knock the time down considerably.

The Prime...my goal for the week will be to do that.

A lot of this is, I know how he thinks and reacts, and this is like calling attention to myself and putting a target on my back. The lawyer had to talk me out of not taking him off my benefits last year. (Yes, I'm scared of him.)

The irony of all this, is when he could hold down a job he made way more money than me (MD).

Is there a book title called I'm closing your cell phone account that you can put on your Amazon wish list for him to see?

junkDNA · May 28, 2017, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I know.... recently I brought in a little (like one inch tall!) fabric butterfly to t and put it on one of the sand play shelves. I had bought like 4 of them on a card at the DOLLAR store (for heaven's sake) awhile back and stuck them around the walls of my desk at work because they are pretty. I was looking at them one day at work and thought, I should bring one of them for the sand tray at t's. I love doing sand trays, and I wanted to "give something back" to the sand play process I guess, because creating them has been so helpful to me. T was all "are you sure?" bla bla bla. I'm like t. It cost 25 cents. Yes, I am sure. And this is why.

One time I bought my T a $50 bonsai tree in a planter. He asked me how much it cost and I lied and said $20. He ended up killing it anyway hahah

unaluna · May 28, 2017, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Hi thanks lol

One time my T told me that the kind of childhood I had is the kind that breeds sociopaths. That always stuck with me. I feel very little empathy for most all people. I'm worried about writing that here because I don't want people to hate me.. t says this probably comes from the complete lack of empathy for myself

My gf's t told her that with her background, people often become prostitutes. So is it what you DO or who you ARE? I know for myself, i dont always feel trustworthy, so i cant really blame others for not trusting me. But then i CAN say i am different than i was ten years ago, from working with t.

Hate to quote Henry Ford, but i think this was spot on - whatever you say you can or cannot do, youre right. So i CAN become trustworthy?

unaluna · May 28, 2017, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Is there a book title called I'm closing your cell phone account that you can put on your Amazon wish list for him to see?

Literally LOL'd

atisketatasket · May 28, 2017, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Is there a book title called I'm closing your cell phone account that you can put on your Amazon wish list for him to see?

This, rr, is why you are an awesome person.

If there isn't, maybe I could Kindle-publish one...

May 28, 2017, 02:13 PM

Well you guys I am practicing being a strong woman and partner for my h and a Parent with a capital P. And I am even remaining calm.

Possible trigger:

While cleaning the living room I pulled the couch all the way out to sweep under it and found a baggie. (I don't pull the couch out to sweep all the way under it very often, usually I just sweep as far under it as the broom will reach instead of pulling it all the way out lol i'm lazy) Inside the baggie was some weed, tops my h said, he used to do drugs in his twenties so he would know, he said in today's money would be about $20 worth. I looked at him and said obviously it's sons and I am flushing it. I didn't ask him, I told him. And I went and flushed it. Son is not home. The baggie had cat hair and dust bunnies on top of it/around it, so it appeared to have been there for awhile. I don't think he's smoking anymore, but I don't know for sure. I don't know if I'm worried, if I'm mad, or both. Or if I should say anything to son or not. But at least it's gone now.

stopdog · May 28, 2017, 02:20 PM

I really am just curious if you would not mind - why or what part to be mad or worried about the pot? That he tried it, underage, in your house or something else. I mean he seems to be productive and working/school. Do you see it as different from wine or beer?
I really am just curious - of course it is none of my business -but thought I could ask. People's views on pot are interesting to me.

junkDNA · May 28, 2017, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Well you guys I am practicing being a strong woman and partner for my h and a Parent with a capital P. And I am even remaining calm.

Possible trigger:

While cleaning the living room I pulled the couch all the way out to sweep under it and found a baggie. (I don't pull the couch out to sweep all the way under it very often, usually I just sweep as far under it as the broom will reach instead of pulling it all the way out lol i'm lazy) Inside the baggie was some weed, tops my h said, he used to do drugs in his twenties so he would know, he said in today's money would be about $20 worth. I looked at him and said obviously it's sons and I am flushing it. I didn't ask him, I told him. And I went and flushed it. Son is not home. The baggie had cat hair and dust bunnies on top of it/around it, so it appeared to have been there for awhile. I don't think he's smoking anymore, but I don't know for sure. I don't know if I'm worried, if I'm mad, or both. Or if I should say anything to son or not. But at least it's gone now.

why would he leave his weed under the couch

May 28, 2017, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I really am just curious if you would not mind - why or what part to be mad or worried about the pot? That he tried it, underage, in your house or something else. I mean he seems to be productive and working/school. Do you see it as different from wine or beer?
I really am just curious - of course it is none of my business -but thought I could ask. People's views on pot are interesting to me.

I'm of two minds on it. I think it should be legal in the first place, but it's the fact that it's not, is why I worry. I know he's productive and doing well both at work and school. If it were legal, I wouldn't worry or be mad. I just get paranoid about him getting into legal trouble.

May 28, 2017, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

why would he leave his weed under the couch

that is why i'm trying not to be mad. i am now choosing to assume it isn't even his, but that one of his friends must have left it there at some point. if my son was trying to hide it from me, under the couch I always sit on would not be the place he would choose. so it's probably not even his.

atisketatasket · May 28, 2017, 02:51 PM

Chocolate cake lovers of the world...rejoice!

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Couch 141: The Inversional Hexachordal Combinatorial Couch

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