Couch 141: The Inversional Hexachordal Combinatorial Couch

Yes, things like that. Along with a host of others; divorce, mental illness of family member, alcoholism/drug addiction of family member, being bullied, the list goes on...

I agree with #2 in that being more direct would probably have been helpful.

As far as #3, if D was being clingy, what would have probably worked really well is "Mom needs to work for an hour. If you can sit and play quietly for an hour, then you and I can do something fun before you go to grandmas house."

It's all about tangible rewards with ASD.

Yikes. I'm not that into it! But I do think the research is interesting.

Yes - my bigger point was that even with asperger's - a child can learn some limits/boundaries and parents get to enforce them. The actual language to use I will leave to others (as I am much more "Sit. Stay." and don't object to the use of duct tape or baby crates -in my approach to all children)

Yeah, I ended up texting him, since I wanted to know before MC if he was angry, and he said it's more that he's just in a foul mood in general, not particularly because of me. I think I tend to feel too responsible for other people's moods or feelings.

Yeah, I may not have been direct enough, though I tried to be. I think I backed off too early.

Yeah, I did have to tell her a few times this morning that she could play with my phone only if she sat on the other side of the couch instead of in my lap--a few times it was because my leg was falling asleep, or I was attempting to have a bowl of cereal. I think I just feel guilty doing that, like I should be happy that she wants to snuggle with me. Or if I'm like "Get off of me so I can look at my computer," it seems like I'm rejecting her (which is probably part of my whole overcompensating as a parent thing).

She has just been both extra clingy/whiny lately and also extra defiant (which is probably a good sign in terms of maturity/development). Like today, she was throwing some things down the stairs, I told her to stop, and she was just like, "No!" Though she did stop. We try putting her in time out in her room, but lately, if she's mad at us, she'll just pull toys out and throw them. Perhaps we need to do what MC said he did once with his daughter--have her go to time out in *his* room. Or just have her sit at the bottom of the stairs, stuff like that.

She knows if she does certain things here or at school she'll be in time out. Like she'll say "If you do X, you'll be in time out." But apparently, at school lately, she's sometimes choosing time out over doing work. Which..actually seems kind of smart, like she's working the system. Sit on the carpet instead of do work? Wish I could get away with that! I think we need to find some other technique...

Handling a crisis with my parents from 500 miles away is stressful. Thank goodness my nephew (who is a nurse and first-responder) is within a few hour's drive and is headed down there right now.

I think it would be fun* for you and I to trade jobs for a day.

*Fun for me, probably not for you. I can just imagine how my students would talk about you.

Sorry to hear there is a crisis- LG. Glad your nephew is headed down.

I actually worked at a day care center with 2-3 year olds between college and law school. For whatever odd reason - small children usually like me. (I really do not know why - My mother was (somewhat disparagingly) astonished - "Stopdog - those children love you. I never would have thought it. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it" - I don't know what she thought I did to them all day.

Hm, that's a good idea to try some rewards like that. Worked for potty training a couple years ago (lots and lots of Oreos...). They have some sort of sticker card for good behavior at school, too. So maybe we need to work more on positive discipline.... Even if I had just said "We can go out back and play after you play by yourself for an hour," that likely would have been a good incentive for her.

I'll try that next time, thanks!

Maybe because they can tell you're uncomfortable--it's like dogs going up to my mom (who has a fear of them) or cats going up to H (he's allergic).

Or maybe just because you're very direct, so they know what's expected of them and what to expect of you!

Hope everything turns out OK, Lola.

I believe that, actually. But what about middle schoolers?

I would kill them. I hated my nieces and nephews at that age. I hate other people's middle schoolers. I would send them all off to military school. And I hate the military. I would probably not hate them if I could deal with them like my parents raised us. But other than military school or catholic school - I don't think they allow my approach anymore.
It is why I got out of music education in college and ended up majoring in something else.

One of my emphasis in undergrad research was the effective use of reward systems for students with disabilities. Plus, people usually respond better positive reinforcement anyway, but it seems even more acutely true for children with disabilities.

OK, then maybe we shouldn't switch jobs. I don't want to get my license revoked because you wanted to kill the children.

LT, I'm in if it's not too late.

We always did timeouts at the bottom of the stairs-we had a door that would close there. Bedroom would never have worked-too much fun stuff to do there.

Once my two daughters were fighting with each other and generally being mean to each other. I told them both to go to time out. Nice as can be, one girl turned to the other and asked if she preferred the steps or the chair in the dining room. I had to turn my face to hide my laughter.

We were foster parents for kids with behavior disorders of various kinds. We found frequent, short timeouts to be the best way of curtailing bad behavior and encouraging good. One reward that worked wonders for our kids was an "extra" 15 minutes before bedtime. If they did the things they needed to get ready for school on time, they got the extra 15 minutes. They never did catch on to the fact that the "extra" 15 minutes was really the time I wanted them in bed. Parenting win

I am not uncomfortable with toddlers. I like toddlers and babies.
I am very direct and I have no problems (on my end) with enforcement (I am not saying they obeyed always and without complaint - I am saying I never felt bad for insisting). Toddlers get very limited choices in my world - which generally they seem to handle well in my experience with them.

I would settle for making them march up and down the square. I am capable of compromise.

Even special needs children desire and need boundaries (perhaps moreso). If they are allowed to run the show, they don't know what to do with that and they can continue pushing until someone finally puts the boundaries in place for them (unfortunately as they push they can lose control which is why consistency in boundaries early on rather reactively is really important). I've spent much time working with special needs students as as well as rearing one of my own. It's easy to fall into the "they can't do it" belief when it is our own children and excuse and coddle them into helplessness. It was one of the lessons I really had to work hard to overcome as a parent, and I know I did our son a disservice early on by not expecting more of him because I was trying to protect him. One of the few parenting things I wish I could redo.

We have a time out corner for my asd son he can't reach anything there. When he is particularly violent mood, and trying to hit us or his sister we send him to his room. He can tear his room apart all he wants and I am not worried about anything falling in him or anything.

Yes! This is so true!

The toy throwing thing - is that so bad if it is contained and in their room and nothing sharp or dangerous? Plus wouldn't it teach more consequences? You chose to throw your toys all around the room and so now -you have an extra step of picking them all up before you can leave it and come back to fun? (I really don't know - this is curiosity)

A true convert to my side would not shower but would still go to therapy.

Velcro's immunaluna!