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#801
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![]() unaluna
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#802
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As far as #3, if D was being clingy, what would have probably worked really well is "Mom needs to work for an hour. If you can sit and play quietly for an hour, then you and I can do something fun before you go to grandmas house." It's all about tangible rewards with ASD. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#803
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Yikes. I'm not that into it! But I do think the research is interesting.
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![]() junkDNA, unaluna
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#804
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Yes - my bigger point was that even with asperger's - a child can learn some limits/boundaries and parents get to enforce them. The actual language to use I will leave to others (as I am much more "Sit. Stay." and don't object to the use of duct tape or baby crates -in my approach to all children)
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() atisketatasket, healed84, LonesomeTonight, UnderRugSwept
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#805
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She has just been both extra clingy/whiny lately and also extra defiant (which is probably a good sign in terms of maturity/development). Like today, she was throwing some things down the stairs, I told her to stop, and she was just like, "No!" Though she did stop. We try putting her in time out in her room, but lately, if she's mad at us, she'll just pull toys out and throw them. Perhaps we need to do what MC said he did once with his daughter--have her go to time out in *his* room. Or just have her sit at the bottom of the stairs, stuff like that. She knows if she does certain things here or at school she'll be in time out. Like she'll say "If you do X, you'll be in time out." But apparently, at school lately, she's sometimes choosing time out over doing work. Which..actually seems kind of smart, like she's working the system. Sit on the carpet instead of do work? Wish I could get away with that! I think we need to find some other technique... |
![]() healed84, unaluna
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#806
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Handling a crisis with my parents from 500 miles away is stressful. Thank goodness my nephew (who is a nurse and first-responder) is within a few hour's drive and is headed down there right now.
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![]() CantExplain, Elio, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, skeksi, unaluna, UnderRugSwept
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#807
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I think it would be fun* for you and I to trade jobs for a day. *Fun for me, probably not for you. I can just imagine how my students would talk about you. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#808
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Sorry to hear there is a crisis- LG. Glad your nephew is headed down.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() unaluna
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#809
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I actually worked at a day care center with 2-3 year olds between college and law school. For whatever odd reason - small children usually like me. (I really do not know why - My mother was (somewhat disparagingly) astonished - "Stopdog - those children love you. I never would have thought it. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it" - I don't know what she thought I did to them all day.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#810
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I'll try that next time, thanks! |
![]() unaluna
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#811
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Or maybe just because you're very direct, so they know what's expected of them and what to expect of you! |
![]() unaluna
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#812
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Hope everything turns out OK, Lola.
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#813
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I believe that, actually. But what about middle schoolers? |
#814
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I would kill them. I hated my nieces and nephews at that age. I hate other people's middle schoolers. I would send them all off to military school. And I hate the military. I would probably not hate them if I could deal with them like my parents raised us. But other than military school or catholic school - I don't think they allow my approach anymore.
It is why I got out of music education in college and ended up majoring in something else.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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#815
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One of my emphasis in undergrad research was the effective use of reward systems for students with disabilities. Plus, people usually respond better positive reinforcement anyway, but it seems even more acutely true for children with disabilities. |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#816
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OK, then maybe we shouldn't switch jobs. I don't want to get my license revoked because you wanted to kill the children.
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#817
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LT, I'm in if it's not too late.
We always did timeouts at the bottom of the stairs-we had a door that would close there. Bedroom would never have worked-too much fun stuff to do there. Once my two daughters were fighting with each other and generally being mean to each other. I told them both to go to time out. Nice as can be, one girl turned to the other and asked if she preferred the steps or the chair in the dining room. I had to turn my face to hide my laughter. We were foster parents for kids with behavior disorders of various kinds. We found frequent, short timeouts to be the best way of curtailing bad behavior and encouraging good. One reward that worked wonders for our kids was an "extra" 15 minutes before bedtime. If they did the things they needed to get ready for school on time, they got the extra 15 minutes. They never did catch on to the fact that the "extra" 15 minutes was really the time I wanted them in bed. Parenting win ![]() |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, SoConfused623
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#818
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I am very direct and I have no problems (on my end) with enforcement (I am not saying they obeyed always and without complaint - I am saying I never felt bad for insisting). Toddlers get very limited choices in my world - which generally they seem to handle well in my experience with them.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; May 29, 2017 at 12:06 PM. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#819
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I would settle for making them march up and down the square. I am capable of compromise.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() atisketatasket, CantExplain, unaluna
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#820
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Even special needs children desire and need boundaries (perhaps moreso). If they are allowed to run the show, they don't know what to do with that and they can continue pushing until someone finally puts the boundaries in place for them (unfortunately as they push they can lose control which is why consistency in boundaries early on rather reactively is really important). I've spent much time working with special needs students as as well as rearing one of my own. It's easy to fall into the "they can't do it" belief when it is our own children and excuse and coddle them into helplessness. It was one of the lessons I really had to work hard to overcome as a parent, and I know I did our son a disservice early on by not expecting more of him because I was trying to protect him. One of the few parenting things I wish I could redo.
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![]() atisketatasket, healed84, LonesomeTonight, stopdog, unaluna, UnderRugSwept
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#821
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We have a time out corner for my asd son he can't reach anything there. When he is particularly violent mood, and trying to hit us or his sister we send him to his room. He can tear his room apart all he wants and I am not worried about anything falling in him or anything.
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"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#822
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Yes! This is so true!
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
![]() unaluna
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#823
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The toy throwing thing - is that so bad if it is contained and in their room and nothing sharp or dangerous? Plus wouldn't it teach more consequences? You chose to throw your toys all around the room and so now -you have an extra step of picking them all up before you can leave it and come back to fun? (I really don't know - this is curiosity)
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() Argonautomobile, kecanoe
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#824
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![]() awkwardlyyours, CantExplain, MobiusPsyche
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#825
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Velcro's immunaluna! ![]() |
![]() awkwardlyyours, unaluna
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Closed Thread |
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