The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

When a boss reserves a decision to himself, he shouldn't get upset when you ask him to make that decision. Of course I have to interrupt his invoicing. He hasn't delegated me enough power to do otherwise.

Different parts of you see him differently. That dissonance is one of the things that make therapy so painful.

Forgot to mention a good thing that happened at work

A man said what a nice personable young landy. It's refreshing. I said thank you to him

Or does the pain come from the fact that our society is so hostile to dissonance? Do we need therapy to teach us to accept the contradictions?

Think I am finally beginning to get tired, but I still need to clean. Maybe a little trash gathering/bagging then try to get to sleep again.

Maybe other girl will respond about taking my C shift tomorrow in the morning before I am scheduled to pick up C. Hoping so. I want to lock myself in my room all day and try to get past these thought and not leave the house (except maybe to get a script if pdoc calls one in).

I should go to bed

Im. In that holy **** I feel lost space

I so know that space. Snuggle into bed that's what I do.

I tried yoga. Now I'm even more tired than usual (which I thought was impossible)

Morning couch. I did end up falling asleep finally. Didn't sleep well though. Still no response from the other girl about C. I am still in no position to care for someone else, but I don't know what else to do. I am worn.

Just sent other girl another text. I don't trust myself driving I am so worn. I don't want to endanger my or C's life.

**** other girl just said she has a day full of plans today and can't cover for me. Guess I am stuck trying to properly care for him. Hope I don't fall asleep while I am at his house. *sigh*

I have a little less than 2 hours before I have to leave. I need to shower...silly Squirrel still has yet to do that. Grr... I have yet to finish cleaning too. Hope the bug guy (for quarterly maintainance) is not coming today.

Showered. Feel even more worn now. This is going to be a long day. Need to get dressed now and take my morning meds. I am a mess.

Hope pdoc is willing and can call something in for me. Still no response from my last email and I haven't had the cops show up at my house yet to take me away, so I guess he didn't think I was a danger to anyone (unless he has not gotten it yet).

You should ask him what he means by "it" next session, since I'm curious, too. I've definitely had a period of disillusionment of the relationship with MC, right after his wife died, and he said he hadn't planned on telling us. It made the reality of the relationship hit home for me (and I challenged him about it at a time that I really shouldn't have been doing that). In the past 6 months, it's come up multiple times, with me recently saying something about being "only his patient," and him correcting it to "solely his patient," because "only" implies that's a negative thing. And then he was asking me how it felt, for him to say that. And I was like, "Mostly OK, because we've already addressed that, and I've dealt with it." Which is somewhat true, but I'm not sure I've completely accepted it.

Your T also might be referring to you being critical of him and saying how he'd hurt you. I've recently done that with both T and MC, and they both said it was a sign of progress that I was expressing anger with them. So I think it is for you, too.

Okay... I am really off to get dressed now.

Pdoc just responded to last night's email. Said that I should be well aware that these experiences as not real, stick to logical thinking and we will discuss where to go from here on Wednesday.

Oh well..guess I am suffering the next couple days.

Need to leave in about 15 minutes for C. *sigh*

I really hope the bug man is not coming today. Landlady said on Friday this week but that she forgot what day. Please don't let it be today as my room is still not really clean.

How was it?

In addition to bug repellent, it seems you need bug man repellent. I've got you covered.

Okay...time to head out. Here's hoping I don't do anything unrational.

Not my pair of shoes... My ankle didn't like it either

Squirrel: you can do it. I know it's hard, but you can do it.

Picked up C. Then went to a CVS near him to spend rewards bucks about to expire. I got him a hummer toy car, 3 vanilla cokes, and a bag of pretzels for less than a dollar of my own. And I still have about 20 rewards bucks to spend before August. Then got gas as I was running in less than a quarter of a tank. Then got some McDonalds hash browns. Now at his house watching TV with him. Behavior analyst that works with him in the afternoon comes at 2:30. I just have to survive till then.

We're with ya, squirrel. thats a little over 3 hours. That was a good idea to hit the stores first.

You're doing it, squirrel. You got this!

C is asking for Chick Fil A. I don't feel up to taking him. Hopefully he will settle for microwaving some frozen chicken nuggets.

He does need to be fed.