Jealous over something horrible *trigger warning

I had my Saturday session with Kashi and as he was packing up to leave (we walk downstairs together as I am his last patient) he wondered about bringing his rather substantial first aid kit. He explained that he keeps it in his office because he works with people who self harm by cutting.

He will ask his patients to see the wounds and then offer to dress them properly. That is amazingly sweet and compassionate. He says some people won't go to the dr for it but don't dress the wound properly (one guy had made a cast like structure on his arm with no air getting at the wounds).

It paints a very tender and caring picture. I can see him gently taking care of his most vulnerable patients this way. I am wondering if that is common for a t to offer to bandage sh injuries? He is sure to advise them to see a dr too.

I am ashamed that it crossed my mind to SH to get that kind of care too. I have not been s person who self harms but I toyed with it in my teens. Feeling like a bad person for being jealous. No one wants to be in such pain that sh helps.

I definitely would be jealous over something like this. I'm pretty certain though that my T doesn't do anything like attending the physical wounds of his patients.

On the other hand I don't know what he does with his other patients because he never talks about them and I'm very happy about it. I think if he would mention any other patient I would confront him by asking why did he tell that to me, why did he think that I needed to know it or why did he himself felt the need to tell such a thing to me. You see, it's not only me being observed and analysed - I observe and demand him to analyse himself too.

More about jealousy - it sounds quite normal and human to feel jealousy over this. Attending the wounds means taking care physically and it seems quite natural to want that too. I have felt jealous to the previous patient leaving about my T talking to her at all. Once I overheard through the door when the previous person was leaving (my T has two doors in his room: one for entering, one for leaving, patients never meet each other in the waiting room) on the last session before summer holiday that she is going to email as they agreed. I became mute because of the huge wave of jealousy. It was my last session before 6 week summer break too and it was only during the last 5 minutes that I was able to say what was it about. Then the T made an exception to his not-talking-about-other-patients rule and told me that the previous person was not going to email him casually but that she was leaving to abroad for six months and she was supposed to email to see whether they can continue working over skype.

Do you think you could talk to Kashi about these feelings?

I get jealous just seeing one of T other clients so I can understand getting jealous about something like this. I think it would be a good thing to discuss with Kashi, it sounds like he would be very understanding about it.

I think dressing a client's wounds could leave him open for a lawsuit. What if he doesn't treat it right or the client messes it up, and it gets worse? They could blame the T.

I usually try to talk to him about the hard stuff. I have this fault of being seriously curious about ts life and his other patients (I never ask specifics of patients just generally how he works with certain issues or populations). But then I feel jealous. My own doingg really.
Now I'm curious if wound care is something some people's ts actually do?

I thought that also, the liability issue. He does tell people that he is not a dr and that they should see a dr. I do worry about that and I hope he wears latex gloves as well.

Growly,
I hear that you yearn for someone (Kashi) to care deeply for you. I hope you are able to tell Kashi that you feel this way. You didn't do anything to the person who s.h's, that person's reason for doing it is still valid. And it is valid that you want the same deep care that your T showed to the other person. I hope you are able to be kind and compassionate with yourself, as you so deserve.

I've read some books about Ts bandaging up their clients wounds. They don't usually do that in my experience though.

I'd probably be jealous of that too, to be honest. I hope you can refrain from SH though.

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No worries. SH has not been one of my issues. It is more likely I'll tell him the fantasy before I would act on it.

None of my therapists even ever wanted to see any wounds, except for No. 3 the first time I did it, and Info, who asked about one of the scars. Nobody mentioned dressing any wounds for me or other clients. Nobody has a visible first-aid kit in their office. In fact No. 1 once told me she's not even allowed to give a client over the counter painkillers if she has a bottle of Tylenol around (I had a headache).

Smaug asked if I had cared for the wounds, but didn't actually check physically. I assumed that was because she was an MD.

I get the jealousy (although it seems to me you already have a pretty special relationship with Kashi). But isn't he worried about possible negative effects? Not just lawsuits, but he might be creating a dynamic where clients self-harm and don't take care of themselves because he will.

AtAt I wondered about the dynamic also...is this rewarding people for a destructive behavior? He sounded very compassionate when explaining that people with self harm are in an enormous amount of pain ( mr obvious says obvious things) he must think that withholding care is cruel because they are already suffering.

And I get at least a hug a session if I want it. I have no right to be jealous. It is a part of me I amconcerned about I was in the ICU last year for a purely medical reason and it scared me that I enjoyed being cared for. A little too much.

I thought that too


That shouldn't be your concern as his client though growly, and its up to him to navigate those risks.i think it would be a really good thing to talk to him about those feelings.

RS thank you for sharing your history. It is really powerful and It explains that feeling better than I am able to. There are times where I feel like I'd do anything to get that kind of loving care too. Then I have to remind myself that really I am already getting it in a way

I'm sure it's rewarding in a way...


Then, people on here often talk about "growing up in therapy". Isn't this, in a way, comparable to how children cry when they hurt their finger and parents put a bandage on it, even though there's nothing to see / completly no reason to actually bandage it?

Me too, and I think if my T took care of me in that way it would definitely be an incentive to hurt myself more. I think it would be easy for me to become addicted to that feeling of being physically cared for.

Growly, I would feel jealous too and I would probably think about SHing so that I could be looked after in that way as well. I don't think you should feel guilty for your feelings. I think it was rather thoughtless for Kashi to share that information with you.

I'd be jealous too. And I would think about SHing too. T asked me to show my wounds, but never took care of them, because they are not too bad.

To be honest, I don't think T should tell you about other clients in such way.
I hope you'll be ok

I would absolutely have the same reaction. As a kid, teen, and even young adult, I would constantly write stories about myself getting hurt and then being taken care of by some "older brother" type male figure. Over and over and over. I'm pretty sure it screams from the part of me that desperately wanted to be taken care of growing up rather than having to pretend I had no needs to earn approval.

If you can muster the courage, I would absolutely suggest talking about this with your therapist. This is not a shameful thing -- really. It's OK that you have had this reaction. You haven't done anything wrong.

I'd SH more and deeper too, if T or a nurse (with T present) would dress the wounds.

Oddly though, when T has offered cream for my scratching in session, I always decline. Not like she's going to apply it for me, and well I don't want to bother a nurse...

I don't think Kashi should have told you that. I don't think your feelings of desiring such compassion and care are wrong or bad - they're valid feelings.

I would be very jealous too and would consider self harm too if my t would take care of my wounds. This happened with my first t, she would ask to see my wounds and one time rang my doctor because she was worried about infection, God that felt good, to have someone listen to me and be concerned but of course it didn't last and soon she realised that I was cutting just to get her attention. I really think Kashi would be very interested to talk about these desires and wishes with him. It could be very productive for you both. There is no shame in wanting to be cared for. What lengths we go to for people to care for us

I've never thought about SH, but if my T said this, even I would briefly consider it. Your T sounds very kind and caring and that he means well. So for my two cents, jealously is a very normal reaction here.

I think it is understandable that you are jealous. It's not a horrible thing, and I am sure kashi would live to talk through it with you!!

My t has asked to see wounds, or asked if I have taken care of them properly, but I do not think he would dress my wounds. Though, he has offered to go above and beyond in the past.. when I was afraid I might be pregnant and totally avoiding the issues and wouldn't just take a test. He offered to drive me down to the drug store down the street so I could buy a pregnancy test. I declined that offer.

I would think about doing it too. I feel horrible saying this. I hate few things more than feeling like I'm being manipulative or attention-seeking in that way. But the idea of T tending to me physically is almost too much.

This is pretty eye-opening, actually. It makes it really clear to me why many Ts tend to not offer comfort, especially with certain kinds of issues. Which can seem cold and cruel. But not offering comfort to people that are hurting may actually be a difficult act of professionalism and love on their part. Some, I'm sure, just don't want to. But it is in our best interest that we don't know for sure. Offering gratification is not helping. Ouch.

My former p-doc asked to see my wounds when I saw her shortly after SHing, but as you said, I think that's because she's an MD. I wanted to show T (just to make sure she'd still accept me), and she seemed reluctant at first, but then agreed. (Didn't show MC because I didn't see him till a week after and they were on my stomach, so felt a bit odd lifting my shirt for him.)

Pretty sure none of them would have tried to dress my wounds. I think p-doc just wanted to make sure they weren't too severe (they were relatively minor) and that I didn't need medical attention. I seriously doubt she'd have done anything herself, but would have told me to go the hospital that's a block away from their office.

Also, I definitely understand the jealousy, the wanting to be taken care of in that way. I recall feeling a twinge of jealousy when MC, when he was making an analogy, talked about his daughter skinning her knee when she was younger and him patching it up.

I would doubt that this is common; in fact, it's surprising to hear that any therapist would do that. I don't think I would be jealous over this particular act by a therapist--maybe because I just can't see my therapist doing that for her clients who sh--but I do understand what you mean about wanting the caring. It would be hard to find out that my therapist, for example, is extra caring with other clients. In your case, Kashi seems to find ways to make his clients feel cared about in individual ways, so with you he hugs and does check in calls. That's quite something. Mine tells me to hug myself (I have never asked her for one, so the fact that she volunteers this feels kind of humiliating, like pre-emptive rejection.)