Couch 153: Couch slouch

LT, I wouldn't see a need for all of them to communicate. You do a fine job of it on your own behalf.

I went to the hardware store with my dog. When I came back out a while later, my driver's side door was wide open. I thought for sure someone had broken in, except that I have an alarm. The last I remembered before going inside the store was getting my dog out of the back seat and closing his door. I often leave mine open so that I can lock manually to prevent key fob code robbing, so all I can think is that I never did that and just got my dog and left my door wide open.

The thing is, nothing was taken, and I had things of some value in the car. And this is a store known to have aggressive car prowlers.

I am sick that I was so absent minded that I left the door open like that. I thought at first that someone could have at least closed it for me, but I think if I saw a car with an open door I would assume the owner was around somewhere.

Maybe by identifying the feelings this job hunt experience might be dredging up, fears, etc. Grieving is generally adapting to life after a loss of some kind. You could look at what kind of losses this experience has brought about for you and work out healthy ways to manage them. Sometimes it boils down to recognizing what you can't control about the situation and working on what you can control.

This is going to sound stupid, but has anyone had the experience of hearing their name and it doesn't feel right? Like it might not be your name.

I'm definitely with your instincts on this one. I feel like part of the problem for you with the way things are is the way the relationships are blurred and the connections that T and MC have with each other. I don't think they need to be further involved with new T. You can give him the background, and I'm sure he'd prefer to hear it from you anyway.

Hi couch!!

I am finally back on the day shift--no more vampiredom! (well... until the next round of night shifts, that is...)

So my biggest fear about this NYC trip was freaking out in large crowds of people. So lo and behold H and I walked right into a street fair after dinner. Surprisingly I was 100% okay. Not even a little fazed. Maybe this trip will be okay...

Thanks, Luco. I think you're right. I mean, if we reach some point where it does seem like it could be helpful for him to talk to T or MC, then we can cross that bridge at the time. I can always decide later to have him talk to one or both of them, but once he does, I can't undo it (well, I could revoke permission for him to talk to them, but he'd already know whatever they said). Honestly, when T was saying "I can talk to him if you want," it felt almost a little controlling...but then that might be the negative maternal transference...

Thanks, Ruh Roh.

Yes, but I also have several names that I go by. The one I use the most is the one I am least connected to, so it almost always doesn't feel right. It's more like the label on a jar of me's.

If it were me, I would want fresh eyes on my situation, without the influence of perspectives that haven't been useful.

Just the other day, my therapist mentioned that she worked on her non-working day, but from home instead of the office and I suddenly imagined that she had another practice, like a secret menu item, so I asked her if she had another one and she said no, that she sometimes goes to meetings and things. I said what kind of meetings? And she said some of them are her consultation group. And that panicked me even more, thinking that she might be getting input on me from people who don't even know me so I asked if she ever brought me up and she said no (short version: it's not the kind of consultation group that works with people like me). Anyway, I hold privacy and confidentiality sacred and rarely see a need for mh types to exchange information, unless maybe if I were to move away and see a different t, which is not going to happen.

No - but it does sound most unsettling.

Mochi. I wouldnt waste your time otherwise.

Yep. I also have the issue with my mirror reflection or photos sometimes. In my case it's a manifestation of dissociation--depersonalization.

The next time you use the term transference in a post regarding either t or mc, you have to pay the couch kitty! I dont understand what youre saying is going on, and you attribute a LOT to it, and i dont think its serving you well.

My name has NEVER been mine.

Is it like mine and belongs to your mother? and the tormentors? as well as my right to be alive.

Stupid multi-quote. Re the name thing I suspected this was a dissociation thing

I'm thinking about this...and particularly in terms of T, I wonder if it's a way that I'm almost shifting the blame onto myself? When maybe some of it is something that T (or MC) is doing? With T, when I say something is negative maternal transference, maybe it isn't just that I'm projecting stuff from my mom onto her--maybe it's actually about what T is saying and doing. Like I'm feeling "It can't be T screwing up, it must be me!" But maybe it's not just me...

That's kind of like something I was telling MC in our last session when I was talking about telling T that I was going to try seeing someone else. I said that I was worried T would suggest that it was me, that I should try to work it out with her. Like I was the problem. MC of course commented on that. One thing he said was that it could be a goodness of fit issue. Like maybe T just isn't the right fit for me. (Which, incidentally, T has also said that my mom and I are a bad fit.)

But my natural reaction is to blame myself...to think I *should* be able to make it work with T because she's a good, experienced T. So if I can't make it work, it's my fault. Whether because of negative maternal transference or something else.

Yes - I've had this happen. It's upsetting. I try not to think about it. It just gets worse the more I think about it.

Yes, ditto with reflections and photos.

I do not sign the forms that ts want you to sign so they can talk to one another. I prefer to give them the info that I want them to have, when I want them to have it.

It's partly a trust thing-I fear them making decisions without my input. It's partly because if I thought one of them was totally on the ball, why would I be seeing the second? And partly because it seems like giving them power; like I would let my GP talk to a specialist because GP knows some stuff I don't and might be able to help specialist rule out some things. But I don't think ts generally have that knowledge-and if they do, they should tell me and I will tell other ts.

Yes,. (8 characters)

I agree, start fresh and let him get the information from you. It will be part of the building trust part of the relationship.

And OK, with MC, I tend to attribute stuff to paternal transference. But maybe some of it is just...I like him as a T and as a person (what I know of him, at least--though he does share quite a bit). Maybe it's not just about him tapping into childhood needs. Maybe it's partly him making me feel good and cared for as I am now...