[Ototot]

Hi all. My psychiatrist wrote to my GP saying I feel the transsexual controlled and manipulated me. I take note of "feels" which implies feelings are not reality, leaves a question mark as to whether the transsexual actually controlled me. So I don't like the psychiatrists use of language because I said in consultation that the transsexual deceived me of his transsexual identity, was emotionally manipulative. Psychiatrist also says I felt that the transsexual was harassing me with calls and text messages. It is not a case of "felt" I did not say felt I said the transsexual had been harassing me. I have concrete evidence the transsexual was harassing me because I reported him to police and police verbally warned the transsexual to stop. I sent all the evidence to police and they took action. I emailed my care coordinator loads of times prior to psychiatrist appointment detailing what the transsexual said and done to me: emotional blackmail, emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, manipulation through loud crying spells, blame, lies, deceiving me of his transsexual identity by saying : we are all different down there, showing me his birth certificate which states born a girl. Emailed care coordinator about one hour of drama, crying and sobbing when I said I'm not coming to his house on Saturday and accused of misleading him by getting changed, fiddling with wire. That my refusal to go to his place was "as bad as his ex partner dying" and his stomping around my house in an angry fashion collecting his things and then later saying "I had no intention of leaving you or ending it" emailed care coordinator about many occasions when the transsexual threatened to end the relationship with me, frequently suggesting to end it and only until the unwanted emails, letters , voice messages did I realise the transsexual had absolutely no intention of leaving me or letting me go. Months Before I ended it, he said "I love you enough to let you go" I know that's all lies because he would not stop with letters and emails even when I said if you don't stop voice messages I'll call police. In those letters he tried to convince me to speak to him on phone saying one phone call is all I need I need to finalise things with you. None of it true because he later followed up with a letter saying he wanted to continue friendship with me and would support me financially. He actually thought he could buy my affection...and I emailed care coordinator about what I researched about narcissistic abuse a term called "baiting" designed to provoke angry aggressive responses. He was saying things like "my cat is my only friend" "I'm going to sleep downstairs " minutes later turning up and sleeping in same bed as me, left me questioning have I done something to upset him? He said I tried to make you cry because I've never seen you cry before. Interrogating me about my sexual experiences with men and accusing me of sleeping around in a threatening intimidating manner and then claiming "I did that because I wanted to get to the truth" my friend said he's a control freak and another friend said he's an emotional manipulator sociopath and support workers said "who's really in control?" And that the transsexual fed me a bunch of negatives as to why we should end the relationship leading me to believe it was over so I sat in silence , withdrawn and unresponsive to what I was hearing, then he said "why don't you fight to save the relationship?" He was also pressuring me into seeing him saying he'd struggled to cope with my lack of contact over a 6 day period. I said I'll meet him half a day once a week he said he couldn't cope with that and we should end it

I don't want to cause confrontation with my psychiatrist or make things uncomfortable between us or appear disrespectful but I have concrete evidence of the transsexuals harassment and emotional manipulation and control. Where the psychiatrist says "feels" the transsexual harassed and controlled and manipulated me is inaccurate. I don't know what to do whether I should address this with the psychiatrist at next appointment or to write her a letter outlining why what she said is wrong and inaccurate or whether I should contact administration to ask for it to be changed because I don't want to appear a difficult patient but actually I feel she has invalidated my experience despite concrete evidence. There's also a worry she might refuse for me to have access to my notes as her letters to GP in future if I raise this issue with her. Please advice. Thanks very much for reading. It would be greatly appreciated

[here today]

There's a lot of information in your post but I've bolded what I think is the important thing:

Originally Posted by Ototot

. . . I don't know what to do whether I should address this with the psychiatrist at next appointment or to write her a letter outlining why what she said is wrong and inaccurate or whether I should contact administration to ask for it to be changed because I don't want to appear a difficult patient but actually I feel she has invalidated my experience despite concrete evidence. There's also a worry she might refuse for me to have access to my notes as her letters to GP in future if I raise this issue with her. . .

Can you contact your care coordinator or someone in administration to ask them how you need to approach it? If you feel invalidated by your psychiatrist, that's a serious matter I would think. It affects your ability to get effective treatment. You might also address this with the psychiatrist at your next appointment. In person during an appointment is less likely to make the psychiatrist feel threatened, which is the kind of feeling that could lead her to refuse to let you have access to your notes.

[Ototot]

I told care coordinator 10 days ago I wanted report transsexual to police for coercive control under domestic violence law and the advice I sought from other agencies one of them said I wouldn't get very far with it and the transsexual wasn't affecting me 24/7 but had I quit my care as transsexual suggested and moved in with him as he suggested it would have turned out that way.

I have no intention now of reporting transsexual to police since advice, but someone is trying to undermine me, get in the way of me, invalidating my experience of emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, control manipulation and harrassment and somehow need to get to bottom of this. It's highly unlikely the care coordinator would invalidate or get try to get in the way. To me it strongly suggests it is psychiatrist doing this, undermining me because I stated to after I reported transsexual to police harrassment stopped and if psychiatrist thought it was not reality that it was just "feelings" of being manipulated controlled harassed she would seek confirmation of this, question me further like is this reality what you're experiencing, find out more about the nature of the thoughts, seek clarification through questioning like have you evidence? Can what you feel be justified.... certainly would have followed up with something but she did not question my sense of reality.

I don't understand why psychiatrist or someone would want to stand in my way and protect the transsexual after everything he's said and done to me. The mental health team should be supporting me not protecting the transsexual after emotional abuse control harrassment so now my GP doctor is going to think my experience of abuse is not real. How dare the psychiatrist or whoever undermine me like that??? Making out transsexuals harrassment abuse never took place. The fact that police took action and verbally warned transsexual to stop contacting me is concrete evidence.

[Ototot]

I am unsure how to proceed, because if I tell care coordinator about this she will probably take the side of the psychiatrist and care coordinator will see I'm upset about it, feed back to mental health team and refuse to give me copies of my mental health notes and future letters to GP and future notes. They will deny me copies of my mental health notes on the basis it would cause me harm reading them??

If I address with psychiatrist at appointment, I'm not sure if I'll be fuming at her for undermining my experience which will lead her to stop sending me copies of her letters and access to my mental health notes.

So the way I see it is, wait for my copies of mental health notes to arrive then write a letter to psychiatrist asking what led her to write "feels" transsexual manipulated controlled harassed me? Write to her and say she's invalidated / undermined my experience of abuse, ask her what she's going to do about it?Say I want this changed, appropriate action taken, ask her to write to GP doctor that it's not a case of "feels" that manipulation abuse harrassment actually took place. What else can I do? It's going to be really really difficult not to divulge how I'm feeling in meantime about psychiatrist to care coordinator and psychiatrist letter says she's seeing me in November and I think I want to refuse the appointment until I get all my notes that I've requested from 2011 to present date but the care coordinator is going to ask why? And then I'm going to have to tell her the truth about what I think about psychiatrist because if I don't then care coordinator is going to think I'm being difficult rearranging appointments unnecessarily. Don't know what to do because I don't want them to remove my right to access to copies of my notes, letters etc

[scorpiosis37]

My advice would be to request all the records you want now. Once you have them, then I would gently tell the psychiatrist (during your next session) that you felt the use of language invalidate your experience of abuse. I would say it matter of factly, but without getting emotional.

I also want to validate your experience of abuse. At the same time, I would urge you to describe your abuse without using (unnecessary) transphobic/homophobic language. Referring to another human as "the transsexual" is dehumanizing and offensive. In this particular instance, it is also inaccurate (based on your own description). "Transsexual" means someone who has had sex-reassignment surgery (which you say your ex did not have). The term I think you are looking for is transgender, but it would be offensive to refer to someone as "the transgender." Misgendering your ex-partner is also offensive. People have the right to determine their own gender identity. They do not have the right to make you date them; not everyone is attracted to every gender! This person was dishonest and abusive towards you, which is not okay. But it's possible to explain that without misgendering them and using transphobic language, which is offensive to people on the forum who are LGBT (and who have also been the victims of assault). This person's gender identity is separate from the fact that they were abusive. I feel it's important to make this point because there is a lot of (unfair and inaccurate) stigma that LGBT people are abusers. Some are, most are not. In fact, the largest category of abusers is white men. You can't say all people in that category are bad because of the bad acts of one individual. It will also make you come across as more even-keel to your care providers if you stop using hate speech/the wrong terms when discusssing these incidents. Of course they should take the abuse seriously no matter what! But when you use hate speech, it can sometimes make it harder for other people to hear you (because hate speech can be really triggering and offensive).

[Elio]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I also want to validate your experience of abuse. At the same time, I would urge you to describe your abuse without using (unnecessary) transphobic/homophobic language. Referring to another human as "the transsexual" is dehumanizing and offensive.

As a non-binary individual, I also urge you to find another way to refer to the individual that has been abusive to you through their actions. I am sorry that you experienced such abuse/manipulation. I hope you are able to find the supports you need to find a safe space and keep yourself safe.

[Ototot]

Thanks Scorpiosis. Well I refer to her as the transsexual because I didn't want to say names so from now I'll refer to her as J. Well J admitted she had surgery down there is taking hormone therapy and I emailed care coordinator saying there was

Possible trigger:

no clitoris no labia just a slit for a hole and J noticed how unhappy disappointed I was looking at Js vagina and said at that point J should have told me she was previously a man but covered it up by saying "were all different down there.

Men don't look. Then days later showed me birth certificate which shows born a girl all attempts to conceal her transsexual identity from me.

Possible trigger:

It wasn't till support worker said something and we YouTubed gender reassignment surgery and Js genitals looked like the genitals on YouTube. So when I questioned J she said she had surgery down there and claimed she was intersex. But a different support worker said well if J had a vagina she would have all the anatomy including labia and clitoris so yet again J was deceiving me.

I have raged and raged and raged over the mind control games J put me through all of her manipulative behaviour via email to care coordinator saying exactly what I think of her J completely utterly insulting her body referring to her disgusting gross physical appearance, dehumanising degrading fowl insulting words. Frequently raging to my care coordinator at what J put me through. So yesterday I emailed care coordinator to put her straight that I did not emotionally abuse J and didn't feel the need to, all I needed to do was get rid, walk away. Care coordinator is aware of my murderous thoughts towards J due to her harrassment and stalking and that I will not act upon my thoughts due to immense emotional upset over what J was doing to me. Other people have told me what J was doing is emotional blackmail and what J was saying to me was manipulative, attempts to stop me leaving. I have told the care coordinator I have severe hatred towards J and the hateful words I have used in emails to my care coordinator confirm that. Thanks everyone for putting perspective on things. Well the mental health notes will take up to 40 days to process and according to Psychiatrist letter she wants to see me in November by which time I might not have my notes. Someone advised me today just go to psychiatrist appointment and pretend you get along with her. And she's right because if I tell care coordinator I want later appointment she's going to ask why, and I'm going to appear difficult if I don't explain why I want to delay psychiatrist appointment. So after I get my notes I will write to psychiatrist and say you have invalidated my experience of emotional abuse and harrassment from J. I feel undermined. Can you change or make a note of my disagreement on "feels harassed" or do I need to contact administration to have a note saying I disagree? I might well have to print emails I sent to care coordinator as evidence that emotional abuse manipulation control did happen and even print the harassing emails letters I received and state the police took action and gave verbal warning over Js harrassment. I don't think it's necessary to give crime reference number because that just encourages psychiatrist to contact police and further undermine invalidate distort my sense of reality. Thank you for your help everyone. Admittedly I have been raging about Js emotional abuse to everyone I've been in contact with.... generally most of them understand what J put me through they understand my murderous thoughts. I still do not completely understand why the psychiatrist would invalidate undermine me like this. She is not supporting me. She is protecting J despite Js ill treatment towards me over an 11 month period

[nikon]

woah...... I am really sorry for the difficulties you have been going through, but if you are going to go into graphic descriptions of someone's gender dysphoria and a transgender person's anatomy, please put a trigger warning, or just moderate your language. if you are looking for help and support in this forum, it is difficult to provide that right now for me, personally - it's too difficult to read past the first paragraph of this previous post. there are people who are trans on this forum, who have gender dysphoria, and who have experienced abuse (mental,emotional,sexual... all kinds) because of this.

[scorpiosis37]

I agree with Nikon. We definitely want to help you-- and anyone who has suffered abuse. Do your care workers have any experience serving the LGBT community? It's disturbing to hear that they felt okay "researching" genital descriptions with you and speculating about your ex-partner's biological history. You should never, ever be pressured or forced into dating anyone-- or abused/harassed when you decide to end the relationship (for whatever reason). If you're not into her "down there"-- or suspect she isn't being honest with you-- you totally have every right to get out and she has to respect that. Period. At the same time, can you understand why she might be entitled to some level of privacy or autonomy over her body, regardless of whether she is trans, intersex, etc? So many people are abused for the sole reason that they're trans (or intersex or non-binary) and have a long history of being bullied and socially rejected, often by their own families and partners. It doesn't seem appropriate to share graphic details about J's genitals. Really, that's her business. And if she doesn't feel comfortable going into detail about her surgery-- she has that right. Just as you have the right to say "then I'm not interested" and end the relationship. I really am sorry that you suffered abuse. I'm just also sensitive to being respectful of the right of everyone to define their own gender identity and share (or not share) information about their genitals. I think most of us-- even those of us who are cisgender-- would feel horrified if people were telling others about what our genitals looked like and then googling photos to help others get a better visual picture. I know I'd feel super violated. Of course, you should be able to talk to your care workers about the abuse and get help healing from that-- it just might be possible to do so without going into graphic detail about her genitals and speculating about what gender she was assigned at birth. The problem is that she wouldn't take no for an answer, tried to prevent you from leaving, contacted you repeatedly after the police told her no, etc-- it's her behavior that's abusive (not what kind of vagina she has).

[Elio]

Ototot, It does sound like J has caused you great pain. I can tell from your writing how betrayed and manipulated you must have felt as you came to realize the truth behind J's stories. Additionally, it seems J has used a variety of methods to try and stay in your life despite your requests and desires to be left alone.

I feel she has invalidated my experience

In terms of your therapy, I would address this directly and as an independent topic than what happened with J. Talk to your pDoc about what specifically she has said/done that have left you feeling unsupported and invalidated. As well as what you need to feel supported and validated.

[here today]

It sounds to me also like the experience with J was very traumatic -- hence the extreme intensity of your feelings even now that you have broken up with J and the police have warned her to to stop harassing you? It's probably a good thing you have been able to talk with so many people about it, to help you process it all. Too bad the psychiatrist was not one of them. Hope you get things resolved OK.

[Ototot]

Thanks everyone for your kindness, empathy and understanding. It's greatly appreciated well one of the support workers said J is cruel for saying things to make me cry. J said she wanted to make me cry because she'd never seen me cry before but thinking back to I think she did it to gain emotional control over me. The same worker said J wants you to depend on her because I told her J offered to provide me care and that I should leave the care agency let J do the care. J said move in with her twice and then another time said we should be housemates. Support worker said "you would suffocate " and once J has full control over you her true nature will show. Worker said J "she wants to dig her claws into you" and I said to worker within 2 weeks of knowing her and listening to Louisa Johnsons song "getting over you" that J said : that will be us. Worker said J is being manipulative and then a different worker said J was being manipulative to say after ex partners headstone is put in I don't have any reason to continue then talked about her Will. And one month of knowing J, J said I'm planning to move to Scotland UK, I've got nothing here to stick around for. Worker said J is manipulative saying that. And then one time we had plans to drive to the beach then out of the blue because I showed obsessiveness over a care coordinator J says: I'm taking you home. So I felt disappointed we are not going to beach anymore, but then J continues in the direction of the beach. I think it's deception and Js way of showing me who's in control , who has power....over me....

You all are right this has been incredibly difficult because since I decided to end it with J 3 months ago I have experienced a lot of rage, high intensity rage, frequent spells of rage....

2 of my friends said J was emotionally blackmailing me and J said "this is not unwanted pressure " (on me to see her) and one of the workers said J is contradicting herself and another said (the very fact that she's sending all these emails and letters)- "that IS pressure " her actions prove what a deceitful, manipulative character she really is. My care coordinator knows most of what J said and did to me.

Wondering what to do about psychiatrist appointment I might have to ask them to postpone appointment. I feel very angry that the psychiatrist would invalidate, undermine me like that saying "feels" harassed "feels" controlled, manipulated by J. I actually find it offensive. Unsure if I can keep my anger under control therefore it would be best to postpone till I get my medical notes then write Psychiatrist a letter

Support workers are aware what J said to me: J claimed she called A friend who works for NHS and asked him for information regarding my clinical records. J claims her friend told her nothing. I told police J said that and police woman said NHS will tell J "do one" this was 4 months into knowing J. I should have known it was a red flag. I mean I already told J at the time I was suffering psychosis depression anxiety. J completely violated my privacy (attempted to anyway) and an agency said something along the lines of "personal boundaries " I think they said J was violating my personal boundaries....friends of mine said they'd be fuming if J did that to them. A worker said she would have ended it with J there and then but maybe that's a bit drastic

[Ototot]

UI emailed the care coordinator about 6 weeks ago telling her as I was pouring rice, I could hear J sobbing, crying loudly and labelled it myself as emotional memories. Then another time when I saw care coordinator I said one time J and I agreed I text J about seeing J following day but as it happened I slept the whole day and didn't text so called J at 5 pm and I told care coordinator J bawled her eyes sobbing crying wailing loudly over the phone deeply hurt upset over me not texting J as planned j said she'd stayed home all day waiting for text and cancelled plans of previous neighbor visiting. So I took the blame and apologised and said it won't happen again. I felt a lot of guilt.

I recall countless times J crying sobbing wailing loudly once when I put a guy on loudspeaker to speak to us both from online dating app. J refused to speak then proceeded with the sobbing wailing. I've read about crying and now realise J was using it as a tool for manipulation.

J cried and sobbed on and off for one hour. I emailed coordinator saying J was a drama queen for throwing temper tantrum at me for refusing to go to Js house to spend weekend with her and saying things like I won't be inviting you to my house again, collecting things from house pretending it's over and leaving then after one hour saying "I had no intention of leaving, ending it"
Support worker said in response to hearing J wailing emotional memories, that J had really affected me...
Another time I said I'm going home J took me home in her car but showed extreme upset, tears I was leaving, again I just think it was manipulation to make me stay with her
And after ending it with J I realised I was walking on eggshells as to when to tell her to leave my house. Where you fear someones response or walk on eggshells websites say you are being abused....