[Sarmas]

So after my last session with my T i wasn’t trying to justify reasons why i should keep my appointment this week. I realized that it’s where I get to vent the most. I can’t vent 100% because sometimes she will cut me off while venting. Other times it’s a problem with disclosure for me. I decided to go.

Here i am running a few minutes late and so i texted her. She calls me back which then that was a major red flag. First thing i thought was that I screwed up the day. She informed me that she double booked for the same time. This is twice already since I’ve been seeing her in the 5 years. It’s not a bad number of times in 5 years but I’m not sure how that happens being that she rights it in a book in front of me as we are setting the time. As it was she gave away my wed without verifying earlier with me. That’s why she then gave me a choice of Monday or Tuesday instead. She was sorry and she told me that she would move her 1pm but that’s not fair to that client. Then now we are set for next week. I told her that it was okay and that she’s human even though it bothered me due to feeling like I’m always last on the list. She knew i was having issues and I did verify with her a few days ago that I was seeing her today. Now I feel like cancelling next week or maybe even going on break. How would you handle this?

The timing was exceptionally wrong and i feel like i always bite the bullet. I prefer to take the hit than another client and have them feel what i feel plus it’s not fair to them for her to cancel on them. I also want to seem rationale and understanding to her but I’m really upset. It’s so much more than a cancellation. I really needed today’s session. My coping skills are sub par even though I told her otherwise. I told her that I’ll be okay. Now i become destructive. I’m not sure how to handle this. She said that she didn’t want a text later telling her that I’m angry at her being that i wouldn’t let her cancel her 1pm. It’s just not right.

i understand that she’s human but this is not the first with me and I’ve heard her speak of a similar issue with another client. She writes things down. Especially in her profession I think you have to be extra cautious not to double book. That was a 40 min drive there and back for me that i could’ve been doing something else.

[Salmon77]

That would make me really angry. Double-booking is not acceptable at all, unless there was some confusion about whether you were keeping your appointment. Is there any way she can get you in later this week?

I'm also curious about why she won't let you vent, and this:

She said that she didn’t want a text later telling her that I’m angry at her

That seems really belittling and like she doesn't have much space for your feelings.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

That would make me really angry. Double-booking is not acceptable at all, unless there was some confusion about whether you were keeping your appointment. Is there any way she can get you in later this week?

I'm also curious about why she won't let you vent, and this:
That seems really belittling and like she doesn't have much space for your feelings.

Yes that part about "don't go complaining to me because you wouldn't let me cancel on my other client" would really bother me, too. And the double booking (I think that's happened to me once, with T1, and I think the other client offered to leave).

[atisketatasket]

I have never understood how double booking is even possible, given all of mine used either a scheduling app or a big leather appointment book. They look right at the appointment. When I end up having to be two places at once, it’s because I didn’t check...but they have it right in front of them.

Sure, they’re human. But you are human too, so you have a right to be angry or hurt and you should be allowed to express that.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

That would make me really angry. Double-booking is not acceptable at all, unless there was some confusion about whether you were keeping your appointment. Is there any way she can get you in later this week?

I'm also curious about why she won't let you vent, and this:
That seems really belittling and like she doesn't have much space for your feelings.

I don’t get it because she writes it down. I’m tjinking unless the other client wasn’t able to make any other time and she erased mine and forgot to notify me. I don’t know.

The only reason why i think that she won’t let me vent is because she gave me the option of cancelling another client at 1 in order to place me in. How fair is that to that client???? i wouldn’t want to be that client receiving that news. It becomes a domino effect for something that should’ve never happened. I figured that i would take the hit since the issue was on my time and let the others get their time in. Now would I be wrong if I cancelled next week or went on a break. She offered to buy me lunch next week which is what we used to do for my eating disorder and i told her that if she has noticed that we haven’t done that for some time and that i let the subject drop. She remained quiet. I said to her no big deal but i was so highly upset.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yes that part about "don't go complaining to me because you wouldn't let me cancel on my other client" would really bother me, too. And the double booking (I think that's happened to me once, with T1, and I think the other client offered to leave).

That’s a sticky situation especially when two clients go out of their way to make an appt. It becomes awkward for the clients I’m guessing. How can the T choose who she sees because that would be picking favorites.

I’m glad that she told me when i was a few blocks away because if she told me there that wouldn’t have gone well at all.

[SummerTime12]

I would feel so upset too. I understand people are human and make mistakes, but if it’s an honest mistake and she feels really bad, I think she should be seriously apologizing and offer you 2 free sessions since she double booked you and you drove out twice

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I have never understood how double booking us even possible, given all of mine used either a scheduling app or a big leather appointment book. They look right at the appointment. When I end up having to be two places at once, it’s because I didn’t check...but they have it right in front of them.

Sure, they’re human. But you are human too, so you have a right to be angry or hurt and you should be allowed to express that.

I really don’t get it. She never books an appointment in the years i know her with her looking at her book. That would only lead me to think that she did it on purpose or erased my name to place someone else in and then forgot to contact me. I reminded her of it this past weekend.

She doesn’t like to take fault for things. Somehow she always throws it back on my diagnosis or whatever she can find. This limits blame on her and i guess makes her feel better. It was definitely the wrong timing. i tried to be “adult” about it but it was tough. I was faking it so badly.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I would feel so upset too. I understand people are human and make mistakes, but if it’s an honest mistake and she feels really bad, I think she should be seriously apologizing and offer you 2 free sessions since she double booked you and you drove out twice

The best thing is that i was a few blocks away. She then asked me if i was close. I said yes. Once i saw her number i knew it was bad. It was awkward and i was the one trying to make it seem like it was okay. She should know me better. Whenever she reschedules me I work with her. At that point if i were her i would make time during the week. She knows I’m on vacation all week. Even if it was a session via phone but no. She knew that i was having issues. Now it’s even worse.

Unfortunate that your therapist double booked, but it happens at times with therapist and with other professionals. I have seen three therapist in the last six years and every single one of them over booked me at one point and usually they were exceptionally good about things like that. Though it feels bad, twice in five years is not a bad record. It can be as simple as looking at the wrong week or month or not focusing on what they are doing at that moment.

When it happened to me it was based on who made the appointment first is how they did it. I chose in two instances to allow the other person to have it and rebook.

[Sarmas]

Omg i just remembered that the last time she double booked me she told me that i have to remember that she is human and she will make mistakes. I said to her that she’s so organized and that I get that therapists make mistakes as well. She said well my clients seem to think I’m perfect but I’m not. This is just a repitition.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by AttachmentesBueno

Unfortunate that your therapist double booked, but it happens at times with therapist and with other professionals. I have seen three therapist in the last six years and every single one of them over booked me at one point and usually they were exceptionally good about those like that. Though it feels bad, twice in five years is not a bad record.

When it happened to me it was based on who made the appointment first is how they did it. I chose in two instances to allow the other person to have it and rebook.

I get that but i still think that based on how flexible I’ve been with her in five years and the issues that we’ve had that her options would’ve been more open. I took the hit this time and the last time and I frequently move my time for others. Plus i touched base with her this past weekend. I’m glad she was sorry but If i was the therapist i would’ve offered at least some type of communication until next week just to make sure everything is ok. I don’t know that’s just me.

After five years, I would just ask for what I need or want. But that’s just me. You deserve to be that frank with her.

[Nammu]

Gee twice in 5 years, man your a tough costumer

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by AttachmentesBueno

After five years, I would just ask for what I need or want. But that’s just me. You deserve to be that frank with her.

You’re right. I have a hard time doing that . I’m not sure if i feel like I’m worthy of it. Also i don’t like to impose. For example if tomorrow she were to tell me that she didn’t want to work with me I would disappear not questions asked. I don’t like to force people to do things they don’t want to do. That’s why I wait for them to offer. I would hate to be a bother.

[stopdog]

I have seen two different ones for over 5 years - neither one has ever double booked. I think expecting a therapist not to overbook is a very reasonable and basic expectation. I would not go back if it happened more than once.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Gee twice in 5 years, man your a tough costumer

No our history is long and we’ve had other issues. This is just icing. I’m trying to make things work. In the past she’s cut down my time. She would start Session late and then use the bathroom and then end on time for the next person . She’s been preoccupied with her phone and people in the waiting room. She’s minimized what I’ve said in the past. I’ve just kept everything inside and then i would cancel or take a break when I had enough. She would touch up on things and then say we would revisit but forget later. I had a fallout with school at the same time that i had a horrible court hearing. Voiced it to her. Went on a break and came back 1 month later for her to ask me how my hearing was and how school was going. She’s not always mentally present. I could be speaking about something and all of a sudden she jumps out of her chair and remembers that she needs to place chairs in another room for a group session or swap rooms.

Again since then we’ve been better but lately she’s only listening to half of what i say. She definitely has the potential but either she has too many clients and I know she’s highly involved in political affairs. I’m thinking how
Much can you juggle at one time. All I ask is for her to be mentally and physically present. I value her work but if she screws up then try a little harder to fix it. I can’t get away with my mistakes at work. I have to make it up somehow and quickly. I’m expected then to go above and beyond if it’s my mistake. Yes it’s human to make a mistake but it’s just to fix it appropriately and in a timely manner without placing others in a predicament.

I pay her in cash with no insurance . It’s definitely a sacrifice in my life. Then I
I make the 40 min trip.

[SalingerEsme]

This seems like a super-defensive moment from your T, and not very professional:

She said that she didn’t want a text later telling her that I’m angry at her

. I think that T's read so much into the frame of therapy- like if we are late or early, how we pay, if they run over time, that they get freaked when they themselves make an unforced error. Could there have been an emergency like a suicide threat etc that got her flustered? Could she be tuned in enough to really have wanted to see you at 1pm more than she needed to see the other client? The urge to pay it back by missing a session too is natural. I have been feeling that impulse myself bc my T is taking family vacation so much during the holidays, after getting me to engage in a very hard topic. I have to battle with myself not to "act out" , and show him that I feel abandoned by abandoning him first, because it really only hurts myself. I doubt if he cares that much , and also the whole "use your words" thing is one of the big things therapy tries to teach us to do to help all of our relationships and our own assertiveness. So I don't think you should skip, but I do think you should tell your T that she took advantage of you wanting to please her by not seeing you as she committed. The main thing is you really need her right now, and some kind of attunment should tell her that. The "only human" line they all use is so offensive- as if what we think you are a god lol? Or as if their jobs are SO MUCH harder than anyone else, that daily they perform at superhuman levels? I do hope your T has a quiet moment and thinks of you and what you need.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have seen two different ones for over 5 years - neither one has ever double booked. I think expecting a therapist not to overbook is a very reasonable expectation. I would not go back if it happened more than once.

I think once the double booking starts to happen more than once and you’re being asked to move appointments then it’s time for the therapist to figure out her game plan. That should be a red flag for any therapist. Imagine if she told the 1pm client at 12:10 that she’s moving her appointment. Things do happen but that client doesn’t deserve that. How do we not know that the particular client isn’t in need of seeing her and having some type of crisis and now she’s cancelling because she double booked. It happened to me twice as i was going to her. She’s cancelled with me other times when she’s caught it on paper the day before or so. That at least saved me the trip. Not this time. I planned my day around this and i touched base with her prior to this. She said nothing at that time. I wonder what her excuse would’ve been for the 1pm client?

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

You’re right. I have a hard time doing that . I’m not sure if i feel like I’m worthy of it. Also i don’t like to impose. For example if tomorrow she were to tell me that she didn’t want to work with me I would disappear not questions asked. I don’t like to force people to do things they don’t want to do. That’s why I wait for them to offer. I would hate to be a bother.

Feel free to ignore my completely unsolicited opinion, but if you have been seeing this woman for five years and you still have trouble asking for what you need, I don’t think she has done her job in establishing a good working relationship with you.

Originally Posted by Sarmas

You’re right. I have a hard time doing that . I’m not sure if i feel like I’m worthy of it. Also i don’t like to impose. For example if tomorrow she were to tell me that she didn’t want to work with me I would disappear not questions asked. I don’t like to force people to do things they don’t want to do. That’s why I wait for them to offer. I would hate to be a bother.

I wouldn’t go back if they told me not to come back, but that is not what your therapist did. At this point in my life I would not care. I would probably find a therapist or friends to process it with.

From the postings that I have read, you and your therapist are often taking breaks, usually because she has done or said something to hurt you. You can’t speak to her about them, so you leave for a week, a few weeks or month/s. It reminds me of me when I was doing attachment therapy. I wanted my therapist to reach for me, because I couldn’t reach for her. I wasn’t worthy of her caring, her time, her effort - I did not want to impose upon her. Yet, sure as hell, I expected her to anticipate what my needs and wants from her were through my behaviors. This was childhood being reenacted. She tried her best, but many time she failed. Also, because I was doing a type of corrective attachment therapy with her, she spent more time on my case than all her other cases. Luckily, I agreed with her that I would not cancel an appointment without having another appointment on the books.

Most everyone has told you to Move On. I have no advice for you. I do encourage you to go back to read your postings and your journal if you keep one to see if you can find your patterns (reactions to her), and maybe bring them to her to see what you both can work out or you with someone else. Good luck to you.

My two bits only.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

This seems like a super-defensive moment from your T, and not very professional: . I think that T's read so much into the frame of therapy- like if we are late or early, how we pay, if they run over time, that they get freaked when they themselves make an unforced error. Could there have been an emergency like a suicide threat etc that got her flustered? Could she be tuned in enough to really have wanted to see you at 1pm more than she needed to see the other client? The urge to pay it back by missing a session too is natural. I have been feeling that impulse myself bc my T is taking family vacation so much during the holidays, after getting me to engage in a very hard topic. I have to battle with myself not to "act out" , and show him that I feel abandoned by abandoning him first, because it really only hurts myself. I doubt if he cares that much , and also the whole "use your words" thing is one of the big things therapy tries to teach us to do to help all of our relationships and our own assertiveness. So I don't think you should skip, but I do think you should tell your T that she took advantage of you wanting to please her by not seeing you as she committed. The main thing is you really need her right now, and some kind of attunment should tell her that. The "only human" line they all use is so offensive- as if what we think you are a god lol? Or as if their jobs are SO MUCH harder than anyone else, that daily they perform at superhuman levels? I do hope your T has a quiet moment and thinks of you and what you need.

So sorry about your T being away. Feeling abandoned is horrible. I have the same issue of abandonment. I think certain topics shouldn’t be raised especially if your t is going away because then you’re dealing with it on your own. Certain Ts want you to figure things out on your own but with difficult topics like these they can’t just touch upon the issue and then not be able to help or provide support along the way.

It’s natural for people like us to think they don’t care. Sadly some Ts care more than others but I’m hoping that yours is a caring one. I would definitely bring that to your Ts attention when he comes back. Im guessing there’s no other forms of communication. Again every T is different but o would bring that to his attention. That’s just bad timing!!!!

You’ve picked up well on my issue. I do feel like I saved her issues with other clients by not letting her cancel with her other client. It was really all my loss. I was the only one affected. She went home to her family and the rest of her clients saw her for their Scheduled time. I’ll give up my seat for others but then I suffer the consequences later. i tried to seem tough about it and told her that I’m okay and her other clients need her more. The fact that I did what i did and said what I said will absolutely go over her head.

[Spangle]

I’m so sorry that she made you feel abandoned. The bit I don’t like about this is that your t made you responsible for cancelling another client! How dare she do that to you! You are very justified to feel angry at her. I also don’t like her attitude of telling you not to text her to tell her you are angry either. Her mistake, her responsibility & her unprofessionalism. She needs to sort herself out, own up & take it on the chin. Not you!!! I’d text & tell her your angry & I’d do it purely because she told you not too. If you want to cancel or take a break, you must do what you feel is best for you. Sending hugs.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Spangle

I’m so sorry that she made you feel abandoned. The bit I don’t like about this is that your t made you responsible for cancelling another client! How dare she do that to you! You are very justified to feel angry at her. I also don’t like her attitude of telling you not to text her to tell her you are angry either. Her mistake, her responsibility & her unprofessionalism. She needs to sort herself out, own up & take it on the chin. Not you!!! I’d text & tell her your angry & I’d do it purely because she told you not too. If you want to cancel or take a break, you must do what you feel is best for you. Sending hugs.

Thanks. I couldn’t do that to another client. I placed myself in their shoes and I felt horrible. At that point i wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore because I was so floored and upset. I wasn’t sure what to say and how to say things without sounding upset. I tried my best but I’m sure she knew that i was super upset. At the same time i wanted to seem sound and be understanding. Really i wanted to express myself. I’m sure what happened today happened. Is not her first and certainly won’t be her last. I’m having a tough time at this point wanting to keep that appointment next week. All she’s going to do is apologize for today as I’m expected to comfort her and say it’s alright. That will be my session for $90.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Spangle

I’m so sorry that she made you feel abandoned. The bit I don’t like about this is that your t made you responsible for cancelling another client! How dare she do that to you! You are very justified to feel angry at her. I also don’t like her attitude of telling you not to text her to tell her you are angry either. Her mistake, her responsibility & her unprofessionalism. She needs to sort herself out, own up & take it on the chin. Not you!!! I’d text & tell her your angry & I’d do it purely because she told you not too. If you want to cancel or take a break, you must do what you feel is best for you. Sending hugs.

Yes, it would be different if she said, without mentioning the other client, "I could see you at 1." But by bringing the other client in, she put you in an awkward position. She should have just offered you 1, and if you'd said yes, canceled on the other client without telling you that (not that she should have canceled...but maybe she knew the other client was generally stable or had a flexible schedule, so could come at another time?)

There was one time when MC rescheduled another client for us. We'd had a regular 2 pm Monday slot, and when were scheduling for the next week, he said, "I know you can't come in then, so..." And I was like, "What?" He said he didn't have us in that slot and had scheduled someone else. I said D was off that day, and we'd especially arranged child care for then...is it possible the regular slot had just dropped off his calendar? It had... He offered us the slot before or after, but that wouldn't work for us. While we were sitting there (which felt incredibly awkward), he called the client he'd scheduled for that time and said he'd messed up, and could the client come at one of the other two slots? He could, so it worked out. Had that client been unable to switch (I think he'd literally made the appointment a couple hours before), then I would have said never mind, but because it worked out...