Double booking by T and feelings of abandonment

Yes, it would be different if she said, without mentioning the other client, "I could see you at 1." But by bringing the other client in, she put you in an awkward position. She should have just offered you 1, and if you'd said yes, canceled on the other client without telling you that (not that she should have canceled...but maybe she knew the other client was generally stable or had a flexible schedule, so could come at another time?)

There was one time when MC rescheduled another client for us. We'd had a regular 2 pm Monday slot, and when were scheduling for the next week, he said, "I know you can't come in then, so..." And I was like, "What?" He said he didn't have us in that slot and had scheduled someone else. I said D was off that day, and we'd especially arranged child care for then...is it possible the regular slot had just dropped off his calendar? It had... He offered us the slot before or after, but that wouldn't work for us. While we were sitting there (which felt incredibly awkward), he called the client he'd scheduled for that time and said he'd messed up, and could the client come at one of the other two slots? He could, so it worked out. Had that client been unable to switch (I think he'd literally made the appointment a couple hours before), then I would have said never mind, but because it worked out...

Feel free to ignore my completely unsolicited opinion, but if you have been seeing this woman for five years and you still have trouble asking for what you need, I don’t think she has done her job in establishing a good working relationship with you.

Will she asking if you are coming for your welfare or her scheduling convenience? Yes, there are hard times in therapy, but there has to be a sense of being cared about, even if it is this person really cares about her work and I am her work. I dont think a scheduling snafu is so bad, but the dialogue around it doesn't seem like good medicine. Is there any reason not to try a new therapist, even if you keep her until you are sure? It definitely sounds like the bad part of a relationship, when you know her habits so well, and they are not endearing, not supportive and not therapeutic. On the other hand, maybe you can have a summit meeting with her, and ask her what her hopes for you are, her plans & vision, and a check in about how she thinks you two are doing as a team? A T should have a compass and some idea of where you are going, but here it seems like she bogs down in snarky dynamics that we can all find aplenty outside of therapy. A big part of the job is her skillful communication, but. . .

I had a psychiatrist double book to get more people through. He always shortened the appointments so he could see everyone.

I know her well after so long. She gets defensive at times and then blames things on my diagnosis because it’s so much easier. She’s only willing to try so hard and go so far but she won’t inconvenience herself at all for me. After i sent her the text she did respond saying to make my appointment. She said that she knows that she didn’t help the situation. She expects me to be at my next appointment which is next week Wednesday. She never responded to anything else or said anything about my coping skills or let me see what i can do. She just disappeared. There are certain words that she won’t “deal” with. Once you tell her that you can’t eat like I have felt at times with my eating disorder then she ignores me. If i get destructive in any shape or form or tell her that i will then she disappears. To her these are choices and she won’t be part of it. So she basically leaves at the worse time. I distance myself then. It just proves my point.

When i came back from my last break she said that everyone is on their own journey and I’m on my own. I sort of do my thing. She doesnt ask and i don’t tell her. Then i vent about whatever and she tells me that I’m extreme and that’s our session. I’m trying to build trust in order to voice myself but every time i feel good about things then something happens.

Can you remind me why you are still seeing her? You say that you know her so well after 5 years but somehow you seem to hope that she will magically change. It should be obvious that she will not. If you want to please her then I’m sure you can bend yourself (at least temporarily) enough to comply with her. But that’s not therapy and it should be quite clear by now that there will be no therapy with her. Why do you choose to stay in that victim position?

This hurt me to read. I felt so sad for you. Yes I understand the school of therapy that won't reward destructive behavior with attention, but that has not been the best practice for years. I wish for you a T who will stay the course and be with you in your hardest times. This T seems ti replicate some real life negative dynamics.

I guess it’s been a combination of attachment and hoping things would change since I’ve invested so much time and effort. She just seems to have a busier schedule and i feel like we are going around in a circles.

So you really believe and hope that she will change and starts putting your interests first and starts behaving as a professional responsible therapist? That she will start focusing fully on your issues in sessions (and permanently puts away her phone during that time), that she stops behaving defensively, that she starts helping you to be able to confront her, that she starts accepting her flaws and taking responsibility for them, stops manipulating you so that you wouldn't need to take care of her anymore etc etc. Do you think that her changing that way is likely? How likely?

Yes- this is an awesome post. It seems like you're rapidly figuring out important things right now that ring true. As if you want to go out into the world and find someone who you experience as a let-down right when you need them, and who won't offer "repair experiences. Every therapist knows what a rupture is, and that it is THEIR responsibility to initiate repair before going on .

You’re right. Maybe I needed this to see how realistic things are. This i was totally not expecting and especiallly from a therapist. I’m still waiting for her to repair it. It’s like unreal. i know her well enough that she will text me on Tuesday to see if I’m coming in on wed. Almost like if i got over it. Very frustrating. Thank goodness for you all and this forum. Much appreciated.

I know you hope she will change. Reality is, the only person that can change to make this better is you.

Why are you still waiting for her to repair this when you know she will not? She isn't capable of it.

Your t sounds like my last t -- highly manipulative and somewhat narcissistic. Throws you a scrap bone every now and again just to keep you engaged in her sick game. The confusion makes it hard to see now toxic the situation is.

I know you hope she will change. Reality is, the only person that can change to make this better is you.

A therapist double booked on me probably 30 years ago -- I got enraged -- didn't hurt or anything, just was enraged -- and she recoiled in fear. Couldn't handle it -- couldn't handle me. So I left.

It started me on a journey to try to find a therapist who COULD handle me. Never did.

Talk about "inner child" -- mine was in a tantrum. And frozen in a tantrum.

But it's only rage, a human emotion and one of the response systems to threat. To being hurt. To being overlooked when you are a child and need, or feel you need, people.

The other part of this thread's title is "feelings of abandonment". It may not be much, just anonymous posts on the internet, but I have found this forum very helpful for me when I feel like the reality is that I WAS abandoned and rejected -- by family and then by therapy in general, not just individual therapists, because the system and the theory don't address the kind of situation I had.

Nevertheless, maybe another therapist can help, Sarmas. Maybe not. Maybe you could try insisting on a free session or two and see how that goes. May not work, and that could be informative for you. However you go forward, I'm wishing you the best!!

Not double booking, but one of my Ts was quite disorganized and made a mess around scheduling and other administration many times. His thing was calling me at the time of appointments that I canceled well in advance, to ask where I was. It happened 3 times within 1.5 year. He never apologized (for anything, in general), just told me that he did not remember my cancellation and I should remind him the day before. WTF?! I was really pi$$ed off the last time it happened and we had a huge fight on the phone over it.

Maybe double booking accidents can happen, but that note by your T about not sending an angry text is condescending. The fact that you were respectful toward the other client has nothing to do with how you felt about it, and you absolutely have the right to tell a T that.

It definitely sounds like you have come to the end of the road together. It appears that she is not allowing you to grow. She’s denying you a voice or your opinion on stuff. Even if she doesn’t agree with you, she should keep her judgment to herself. She does sound like a narcissist.

She just texted me not too long ago with her 9am opening tomorrow and if I voice myself then I’m wrong and she gets defensive. She will say come in and we will talk. Particularly in this case she needs to explain herself a little more via text or email. I’m not willing to just go in. I might be wrong but i feel forgotten and not valued as a client.