Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

Janufleetuary?

Termination Day! Good for you, RR--assuming you're feeling OK about it.

Geez, while the rest of you are dumping therapists/taking breaks, I’ve let Info back into my good graces and am possibly picking up a new one tomorrow.

I’m an idiot.

Well, you're helping to balance it out. If we all leave, then what will we have to talk about on here?

So my therapist has had me cut back to every other week, after years of weekly visits. I told her today that this has caused me to dramatically increase the amount of time I spend thinking about her. And of course today she was looking especially adorable, just made things so much more difficult to even talk today

Any specific reason why she had you cut back?

LT: What I am doing with my break-maybe forever, is to try to just be curious about the emotions that come up. And wait and see what happens. I have decided not to decide if I am continuing until the 12th (I would cancel my appts for the 16th and 23rd that day-I feel like that is a reasonable amount of notice). In the meantime, I've felt free, happy, relieved, determined, disgusted, scared, lost. And probably some other things. I just have not made the decision, yet, about what I will do.

It's kind of hard to sit in limbo, but I think it is easier than deciding yes, no, maybe, a longer break, a shorter break etc. and then changing my mind every hour-or minute.

My goal is, even if I decide to cancel the remaining appts on T3s schedule, I will still think of it as a "not now". I mean, it's not like a divorce. I don't have to make a forever decision. This is definitely different thinking for me. We'll see how it goes.

I figure you’re lining them all up for the firing squad (sans Blondie of course who’ll be disposed off in hand to hand combat).

I feel good about the break. I'm on the fence about making it permanent. Time will tell.

Forgot you were also taking a break! That's helpful to know what you're doing. Are you journaling them or anything? So far, I've felt a strange mix of sadness and relief. It feels a bit like I've broken up with someone...yet odd because I have plans to see them in a month.

MC has also said it doesn't have to be a set decision. Seeing how it feels after a month. But he said we can always call and come in sooner, like if something happens (huge fight, some sort of major stressor) or just changed our mind. And once we do actually terminate his door is always open if we want to come back. So that makes it easier...

Had the sudden realization that maybe part of why I needed to stop seeing ex-T first is that she's in the same office...so I would have kept risking running into MC or at least being reminded of him. Sure, T is just across the street (literally), but it's not the same office at least.

Though I think the bigger reason is that she wasn't really helping to make me be stronger, more self-assured, or more independent--while T is...

I brought a little notebook where I had written down a traumatic csa memory to process it. T seemed to skim it and focused more on the pictures of me as a child. I put the pictures to remind myself that it happened to me, that little girl. I have trouble with owning my traumas and always think it happened to someone else or was just some book I read.

Anyway it kinda bothered me that T didn't read it. It wasn't graphic or anything. I suspect T didn't want to 'trigger' (for lack of a better word) himself by reading it. I've seen him have big emotions about other things involving my traumas. I didn't ask him about it cause I didn't it to seem like I was pressuring him to read it if he didn't want to. But yea...

How would she demonstrate that to you?

The first one, after I said I was done, has decided to retire (I don't think they are connected).

I have freezer but no ice trays. I have 2-3 600ml water bottles that partially freeze over the last couple of days. I do have ceiling fans. When we lived in the sub-tropical part i remember placing wet clothes over a standing fan.
Thanks for your suggestions i will make ice tea and coffee today in the bottles.

Oh thats awful. I find it very dismissing when i bring something to my T and he focuse on the parts that arent important to me. Did you tell him you wanted to process the writing? I am sure that is my problem i dont verbalise what i want to do. Maybe he was trying work up to it use the pictures to link things?

I also dislike it when I disclose something and it just sits there like a giant ugly therapy zit, with little or no response from my therapist. She calls it pacing. I don't get the point of it.

Its weird youre so hot and we're soooo coooold. Its like that Twilight Zone episode is coming true, about the earths orbit changing, and its so hot that paint is melting but the heat is just a dream and actually its freezing as the earth moves away from the sun.

I was spared the 's' word today but it's still cold and miserable. First day of school tomorrow after Christmas break and it turns out the little slept all day. Sigh. Bedtime should be fun tonight!

What is the s word? Spring? Seltzer? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

Whenever you mention theTwilight Zone i want to look up the episode with the 2 old guys playing chess and theres a giant eyeball looking a them through the window but everytime they look out the window the eye becomes the moon i cant remeber the ending thougrh

Thats an episode?? That sounds highlarious!

Sd: "s" - white fluffy stuff...

Scool whip with a silent s?

No. I don't!!!!!!!!! Not what I meant! BUT if I go back for any other reason to ANY t, I meant.

Sorry for being overly dramatic.

I'm debating about asking for a 3rd session a week for a little while; if that's any consolation.