How do you and your therapist connect?

But why should these be relevant in this particular thread???

I will stop

I don’t think it’s wise to continue to feed mouse because she will intervene when she wants without any push

I didn’t see any judgement about older people in my post. I only spoke from my own experiences with therapists.
I think insulting everyone by calling posts twaddle and calling this forum Alive in wonderland is belittling others and making yourself appear superior.

I think that trust has s lot to do with it with me too. It takes a long time to build trust and trust can be shattered in a second.

I will only deal with older ones. The first one I ever tried when I was in my mid 20s was 60 years old. Maybe it is because I adored my grandmother and went on adventures with her but I do not associate being old/older with being out of touch - even with a therapist (and in general I think they are suspect for all sorts of reasons). The two 70 year olds I hired this time were not computer illiterate (I mean the first never read a book from what she said -but she did know how to use a computer) nor were they homophobic (look at me being all positive about therapists). The older one still has 2 careers going on, is politically active, and so on. I find, in my work, often younger people are more conservative and judgmental.

I did not use older ones in order to connect with a therapist. I don't see the point in connecting with one of those sorts regardless of their age. I stayed with the two I despised least who were close to my job and charged about what I was willing to pay.

Getting back to the OP's questions....

Humor. We connect through humor and understanding. She listens to me like no one else ever has and seems pretty intuitive about what I'm trying to say when I would much rather talk around things.

https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk...e=facebook.com

I thought this article was interesting, it is about humour in therapy.

Maybe it’s just the therapists I know that are out of touch- they could be out of touch no matter what age they are.
I think some of them are becoming senile and maybe that’s why. One of them introduces herself to me every Wednesday at the Centre I work. She always says, ‘hello, I am *******, how nice to meet you. Have we met before?’

You dont speak for everyone here. I never feel belittled by mouses posts. I always find them insightful.

To answer the thread question: My t and i connect probably by age. We are both over 65, computer literate and sexually savvy, and connect by being american urban baby boomers.

They say there is someone for everyone. No matter how much it boggles the minds of others.

I enjoyed having a T similar in age to me, but I much prefer having a T, now, who is older (my dad's age). I feel safer with that - more like he knows what he's doing.

Good for you!
I am not speaking for everyone, I don’t see how I appointed myself speaker for everyone.
I only speak from my own experiences.

LOL - Finally you understand something i wrote. Every cloud has a silver lining.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/dail...MyMTY2MzMyMgS2

My T is 24 years older than me. And that works great for me. I couldnt work with someone young.
We connect overvlotsa things, mostly she really gets me and I feel cared dor. Plus, we do share some views that aren't related to therapy.
I think I have to connect on a personal level and not just a professional one. I can't work with men. She knows everything about me and never judges or seems put off.

It felt like it took awhile to get there. I had had an image of us sitting back to back against each other to feel connected. I brought it up a few times then finally it happened. I was deprieved of touch particularly by my father so that issue has come up in therapy. I am not generally a touchy person at all.Though try to give it to my kids knowing how I suffered.

I found it really hard to connect with my last T, she hardly said anything personal (just three things). I once asked her if we could talk about children's books, another time I asked if we could chat about our favorite childhood foods. She wasn't keen on this, so we didn't. I had imagined that a therapy relationship would be a bit different to how they have turned out, and that there might have been more of a personal connection, and that the relationship would involve the T's 'self' a bit more. With my current T I am a lot more careful and I don't try to connect more than we are doing, I'm just glad that I am able to do therapy with her, I would probably be very different with her if it wasn't for my experience with my previous T, and I'm interested in how other therapists view how a relationship should be. I would prefer to have a relationship where I could be a free spirit and and be creative, and spontaneous instead of sticking to safe subjects such as my childhood and my relationship with my H and my kids.

I am not sure. I have connected with her more than I did with my previous male therapist. My fears around connection seem to be more about maternal transference than being influenced by sexuality. Having said that, I am too emotionally dim to distinguish sexual attraction from emotional connection so maybe you have a point.

Do you deliberately choose straight therapists? What is it about a shared sexuality which makes the idea of attachment so scary? These ideas are interesting, thank you.

I am a lesbian and I deliberately choose straight ones of those guys. I don't want to run into them in my community (which is not very large). Also, I think it can lead to a belief that there is more understanding than really exists. I did not go to therapy because of being a lesbian and have no need for the therapist I hire to identify or understand it. All they need do is accept it.

My therapist and I are like oil and vinegar it seems like we butt heads more than we actually connect. One minute it seems like yep she's listening the next there we go again she's frustrated with me it is one gigantic vicious circle.

I do deliberately choose straight ts. For a while I wondered if my t might be exploring her sexuality. I got a really strange feeling off her and she was divorcing her husband. It terrified me and I completely shut down.
I don’t want a t to bring sexuality into the equation. I had maternal transference for my t which eventually turned into erotic. It was fine for me to fantasise but if she had of disclosed that she was gay or felt the same about me, I would have been out of there so fast. For years I dreamed about being with my t but now that would be my biggest fear.

I agree, all my t needs to do is accept it too. I feel that by having a lesbian t there would be some collusion and definitely an understanding that they understand but they don’t because every lesbian is different same as every heterosexual is.
I did have huge problems accepting my own sexuality and huge issues with other lesbians and seeing a t who was a lesbian too would complicate the connection.

my T is court appointed and about fourty. he is very nice and always compliments i cute. we get along good because he let me get off couch and walk around office if nervous and listening me and no mad if i late

My therapist's sexuality doesn't mean she wants to be with me. Like you, if she disclosed that had feelings for me, I would be horrified. This is categorically different to her stating her sexuality which was factual information and relevant in context. Shared sexuality doesn't mean shared attraction. Thank fu©k!
This makes practical sense. Luckily for me, I am far too socially hostile to be an active member of my lesbian community.

This is particularly interesting to me. Can you explain a bit more about the nature of the collusion which you think there would be please?