Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something, but I Don't Know How...Part XXX

I'm actually chuckling about this now. That, first you broke me of saying "I love you" back in September, and now you've broken me of emailing you. Well done, Ms. Professional. Well done! You helped me a lot with your pretending to be whatever, when I needed it so badly, and I am grateful, I am, and not angry anymore. It all served a purpose, all of it.

You're still probably fired, though. Because I get the feeling you're done with me anyway. The whole "relationship" stuff just feels so fake, now, that I honestly don't want it anymore.

I'm more interested in my real life now.

ETA: yes. My real life is everything outside of your office. Our quote relationship is not "real life" no matter what you say. It was intentionally constructed (ie not natural) for the purpose of my healing, and now I suppose it must be de-constructed. I didn't want to do that with a wrecking ball, but this brick by brick version is it's own kind of difficult.

SalingerEsme I just wanted to say that I feel what you are saying.

Thank you. It means the world someone understands. No one I know in real life does therapy, and nothing confuses me more. Shouldn't it help things be less painful? The harder I try, the sadder I feel.

Dear T,
Signs I like working with you: I'm willing to drive in the sleet to go to our session today (glad you're not too far from me!). Thanks for confirming that we're still on in response to my e-mail. (Hopefully those aren't too annoying...I'd just rather know sooner than later if you're canceling. MC made me particularly sensitive to that...) See you in a little over an hour.
LT

I don't know where to put this.
I just need someone, any ol' anonymous person, to tell me it is going to be okay because I cannot find anyone else to tell me that, and I'm operating in a vacuum of tears and emotional pain.

Our relationship is fake, like a special effect in a movie. It gives the impression of being a deep interaction, but you dont really exist outside the 45 minutes and you are proud you have the "firmest" boundaries of all the psychologists in town. I observe your boundaries, and sit in the stair well in tears, trying to fix my face and make for wrok. You never know about that, my secret experience of therapy. what would happen if you sat with one of your patients (you dont like "client" ) and saw the world from one of those stairs, looking at the old brick ? I once told you how hard the transition was back to realize, and you said well you can sit in the waiting room.Do you care about your job, about me? have you heard so many hard awful stories they are woodwork to you? I am considering quitting therapy, even though I respect and adore you. You're not there for me, and you promised you would be right by me. I am considering changing therapists, to someone lower powers & maybe sweeter of manner, but I do know I have improved with you and that you have worked hard, been perceptive and always prepared in session. Every interaction with you ends in a lot of anguish- on and on .Dunno.

I find that odd that he insists on saying patient. It's the opposite w my t, he refuses to call us patients

I lurve u Dr. T. Ur baby is so cute and an exact copy of u. Baby T!!!!

i lurve u dr. T. Ur baby is so cute and an exact copy of u. Baby t!!!!

ginger baby?????

I lurve u Dr. T. Ur baby is so cute and an exact copy of u. Baby T!!!!

Yes it's a ginger bb!!! ☺☺☺