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#976
Apr 07, 2018, 10:04 PM
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((Luc)))
__________________
"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya |
 lucozader
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 lucozader
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#977
Apr 08, 2018, 01:10 AM
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I clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary.
I’d rather quit. I’d rather be sad. It’s too much work. (Richard Siken, Self-Portrait Against Red Wallpaper)
__________________
stay afraid, but do it anyway. |
| Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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#980
Apr 08, 2018, 06:10 AM
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There really needs to be a button we can hit when something like this happens. I feel responsible if something happens to Captgut.
Captgut please call someone for help. I know that feeling of nothing can help but just someone showing they really care for you can shift these feelings you are having.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
| Anonymous45127, ElectricManatee, growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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#981
Apr 08, 2018, 07:06 AM
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Breathing through it, as you would advise me to do. Hoping we can still meet on the 19th. It feels a long way away.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, LonesomeTonight
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#982
Apr 08, 2018, 07:32 AM
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Please don't worry...
I was "talking" to T and I'm sorry if I made some of you worry. I have no one to call. It'll be okay. |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, annielovesbacon, Anonymous43207, Anonymous52723, Anonymous55499, growlycat, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Anonymous45127
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#983
Apr 08, 2018, 11:35 AM
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I miss you so much it hurts like hell. An hour a week is not enough. 168 hours a week wouldn't be enough.
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| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous55499, LonesomeTonight, mostlylurking, WarmFuzzySocks
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#984
Apr 08, 2018, 02:24 PM
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Reading some of the other posts on here at times does get to me. You made this point that it wasn't a sin to have needs and I took your words and I believed. Part of the reason I broke up with my ex best friends was that I felt like I wasn't being apperciated.
But you make me feel like I asked for too much.That I became too much. Even when I was on two sessions a week I had times that I struggled, what did you think would happen if I dropped down to one, If I was still the same? I never called you. It wasn't multiple emails or texts daily. At that point I did email three times in a row, but it was weekly and we were on rupture 4 by then.Your replies weren't detailed essays. It wouldn't have taken more than 2 mins to write a response back. Perhaps I am being dramatic, but you chose to ignore both of those emails. You told me 15 mins before the end that I won't have a session this week.We had a deal that I wouldn't act out and you would put a plan in for me when you next went away. But you lied. It was 18 days over Christmas and now it's 14. It's not insane to ask you for extra support when I'm struggling. It's not insane to ask for a plan when you're away. Why would your going away not affect me? Don't call me when you come back from your wonderful family holiday. **** your boundaries and your therapeutic frame. Accepting the birthday and the Christmas presents were obviously okay, because they benefited you but what about me? |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, Echos Myron redux, Elio, growlycat, LittleAfrica, LonesomeTonight, mostlylurking, NP_Complete, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#985
Apr 08, 2018, 04:19 PM
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Two down, one to go. Nearly there...
See you soon.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#987
Apr 08, 2018, 06:03 PM
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Possible trigger:
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| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, atisketatasket, Elio, fille_folle, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Anonymous45127
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#988
Apr 08, 2018, 06:37 PM
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I should ask for a call, but I won't. I'm too contrary.
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| AllHeart, Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight
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#989
Apr 08, 2018, 06:41 PM
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Dear T,
I miss you. Scared about how H will respond to the MC e-mail I just showed him. Wish I was seeing you tomorrow instead of Tuesday... Love, LT |
| AllHeart, Anonymous52723, fille_folle
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#990
Apr 08, 2018, 06:46 PM
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I'm so mad at you. I know it's my fault. I have a big mouth and I need to learn to keep it shut but why can't you just let me live my life or end it the way I want. I know it's your job but why do you have to do what you do. I agreed to do things your way even though it's making me feel trapped but then you kept pushing and demanding more and more. Now you're throwing me under the bus with my other doctors. I know you're not going to change your mind like last time and alter our contract.
I know you're happy you got your way but I feel trapped and betrayed. My mind is spinning trying to find a way out of it I know if I try to quit therapy in person now with you you're just make me go to the hospital. I'm hating myself and hating you right now. The worst part is that I know you don't care you're just happy things turned out the way they did. I don't know what to do my worst fears are coming true. |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, fille_folle, WarmFuzzySocks
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#991
Apr 08, 2018, 07:22 PM
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Dear T,
Possible trigger:
Love, LT |
| AllHeart, Anonymous52723, Anonymous55499, Argonautomobile, awkwardlyyours, fille_folle, growlycat, lucozader, NP_Complete
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| Anonymous45127
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#992
Apr 08, 2018, 08:16 PM
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Dear T,
I'll be OK. Love, LT |
| AllHeart, Anonymous52723, fille_folle, growlycat
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| growlycat
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#995
Apr 08, 2018, 10:35 PM
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dear t,
i know you're not really abandoning me and that you are busting your *$$ to find me a new t but i still hate you for abandoning me. f*** you. (but also please hold me i'm begging you) i hate therapy. or rather I hate this GOD****** MOTHER****ING DEPRESSION THAT MAKES ME NEED THERAPY. F*** THE COLD UNCARING UNIVERSE AND F*** YOU FOR PROFITING FROM IT. F*** YOU FOR WANTING TO WORK OUT YOUR F***ING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA OR WHATEVER BY PLAYING WOUNDED HEALER TO MY SORRY WOUNDED *$$ AND F*** YOU FOR DECIDING THAT MY PARTICULAR FLAVOR OF F**ED UP ISN'T QUITE TO YOUR LIKING SO YOU DON'T WANT TO BOTHER WITH ME ANYMORE.
Possible trigger:
just... f*** you. -c |
| AllHeart, Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, ElectricManatee, Elio, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, mostlylurking, NP_Complete, SummerTime12, toomanycats, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Anonymous45127
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#996
Apr 08, 2018, 11:29 PM
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You're going to be so mad. Or confused. Probably both. I have so much to tell you -- it's been months and months since I've seen you -- how can I even scratch the surface in just one hour?
__________________
stay afraid, but do it anyway. |
| Elio, growlycat, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#997
Apr 09, 2018, 05:57 AM
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T,
I'm so stressed at work. One of my bosses bit my head off today. How dare I ask for help. How could I have been so stupid as to tell a C level I'm swamped and can he help? After all, I'm literally a mere support officer... |
| Elio, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, unaluna
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#998
Apr 09, 2018, 06:37 AM
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T,
I fear one day I'll reach my limit and break. You say you sensed strength and stability in me. That's because I can't afford to crumble or shatter or fall apart. I just can't because I won't get any help, my family won't magically become supportive. They didn't care when I WAS suicidal as a teen, so why would they care if I actually broke down? |
| atisketatasket, Echos Myron redux, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#999
Apr 09, 2018, 01:59 PM
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Hi t. Yesterday morning before I met with E, I drove to your previous office, where I saw you for that first year. That seems a lifetime ago, now. And what a different person I was then. I sat in my car in the empty parking lot for a few minutes, and the tears came.
I don't know why I went there. I was early for meeting E, and realized I was close, and it just happened. Trying to find back that connection w you, perhaps. While E helped me find some much-needed clarity about all of this, I am nervous about seeing you Thursday. About what you are going to say. Sigh. |
| Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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