[unaluna]

I hate to see us chase away someone who knows a lot of words and knows how to use use them. We dont want no elites here, is that it? Oh, they have a "tone". For real? Dude! There - all short words. Is that better?

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I hate to see us chase away someone who knows a lot of words and knows how to use use them. We dont want no elites here, is that it? Oh, they have a "tone". For real? Dude! There - all short words. Is that better?

If you dish it, you must also be able to take it. You should know that, una.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

If you dish it, you must also be able to take it. You should know that, una.

Thats just it. I didnt take her remarks as aggressive or hostile. Just descriptive. No dishing or taking involved or needed.

People just ask questions sometimes, and other people take offense. I wish that wouldnt happen. We lose good people, and peoples feelings get hurt. IMO, therapy IS hard questions sometimes. But sometimes people are just asking.

[fille_folle]

Hmm, I didn't actually notice any questions in the post, just dire pronouncements. I agree that questions are often very helpful, if that's what you're getting at. As for feelings, I was thinking of someone's feelings getting hurt - LT's. As for hurting sorrynormas feelings, I did not attack her. I refuted certain points of what she said, and even said one point made some sense. I did not tell her to go away, stop posting, or anything of the sort. Why can she have an opinion on the nature of this thread and the people in it, but I can't? That is what I mean by dishing and taking it.

[stormyisland]

I LOVE this thread and always look forward to LT posting about the next session. It's such a fascinating journey unfolding and LT you've got such a lovely way with words . I also envy your ability to remember how the conversation went in such detail. I really wish I could write my sessions down but I come out in such pain and haze that I can only remember little bits here and there and how I felt.

I can see how you would find it useful to write it all down for you yourself to go back to it later. It's also quite useful to get other people's thoughts on it too. And it makes the painful part of therapy a little bit easier when you can share it. I know a lot of therapists would probably not like it - so what. Therapy is not exactly science where there's definite answers and methods to proceed that are the only right way. I'd like to see a proper scientific research conducted on whether the outcomes of therapy are better for people who share information about the therapy process with others or not.. I somehow doubt it would give a clear answer. And if it would my guess would be that the better outcomes would be for the people reaching out for other people rather than bottling it up and saving for the next session. But these are just my thoughts and I'm no means an expert. My therapist has gently suggested that it might be a good idea not to read so much about psychotherapy in between sessions. I'm not sure if this suggestion came out of her thinking it might help to ease the obsession or whether she would feel I would examine her techniques too critically. Don't think it matters. For me it's a personal interest (and actually kind of part of my job too) anyway and even though obsessing about therapy because of my own therapy probably complicates things, I'm still going to happily keep obsessing. Anyone who would like more reading apart from this forum should look up Irwin Yalom books - they read like a novel but are stories about psychotherapy.

Sorry the rambling..

I think it's pretty impossible for occasionally intense reactions not to happen, especially on a therapy forum where most people are interested in discussing feelings and emotional reactions. I personally agree with LT's earlier notion that disagreement and criticism on its own is not a problem, it's more how it's presented. That is a form of art that, IMO, no one practices equally well at all times. That's where tolerance becomes a thing to practice instead.

On chasing away people, I don't know... but I think when that happens, it's usually due to mass reaction to some form of highly repetitive communication style or behavior and the person being chased away not recognizing or acknowledging it. These things happen all the time on forums and other social media but I personally have never seen it happen without a strong reason or pattern. I think it's rare that someone will get turned away just because one or two disagreements or even misguided comments.

Seems like I am making lots of new friends here. I can only assume that it is my easy manner and natural warmth which has endeared me to other posters.

I am feeling coy admidst this unashamed love-in so let the thread continue fearlessly and without further interruption!

I meant no harm, Lonesometonight.

[elisewin]

LT I wish you keep writing, I love your thread.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

If you dish it, you must also be able to take it. You should know that, una.

Well said! Bull's eye

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Seems like I am making lots of new friends here. I can only assume that it is my easy manner and natural warmth which has endeared me to other posters.

I am feeling coy admidst this unashamed love-in so let the thread continue fearlessly and without further interruption!

I meant no harm, Lonesometonight.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Well said! Bull's eye

I am flummoxed by this. I am sorry you (and others) take my comments (or others) to be mean-spirited, ill-intended. I can only try to do better.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I am flummoxed by this. I am sorry you (and others) take my comments (or others) to be mean-spirited, ill-intended. I can only try to do better.

I don’t think the reference was to you but another poster.

But more generally, not directed at anyone specifically, maybe this could be LT’s thread again. Do you have a session tomorrow, LT? Are you still feeling like Friday was a good session?

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I don’t think the reference was to you but another poster.

Yes, other poster.

[unaluna]

Still, saying "bull's eye" isn't very lady-like!

Okay... neither is poking...

Downton Abby is on tonight here - im getting my violet maggie smith on...

[LonesomeTonight]

Yep, session tomorrow. Will comment more later, out and about today (friends, and in a few minutes, parents).

[SalingerEsme]

Lol , someone dropping by to troll LT's thread or even just to be a contrarian seems like it needs some reffing and a red card . At least yellow.

Assuming I am the mysterious and thinly guised "other poster", I want to make clear that I am more than able to "take it" and am not concerned by the comments of others. Macho to the max!

And as for making this Lonesometonight's thread again, isn't the interesting thing about discussion that the originator doesn't dictate the direction or outcome? I am sure that OP is able to make another thread if she doesn't like the content of this one. Seems like there is enough pattern and material to fashion many threads. Metaphor to the max!

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Lol , someone dropping by to troll LT's thread or even just to be a contrarian seems like it needs some reffing and a red card . At least yellow.

I am disagreeing with the content and the tone of the dominant discussion, I am not trolling. It's a depressing state of affairs when alternative views become dismissed as contrarian.

I welcome OP's contributions and I respect her opportunity to express herself, even if I disagree, since that is the nature of a forum. It would be refreshing for me to be afforded the same.

[toomanycats]

FWIW, I "know" (internet know) the lady who wrote boundary ninja tales, and agree with it or not, her therapy worked for her. Her therapy with BN was ultimately highly successful - positive outcome for sure.

[fille_folle]

Now I have Macho Man stuck in my head. That's the real unpardonable sin!

Macho, macho man, I've got to be, a macho man... mucho macho... YMCA, it's fun to stay at the YMCAyhey....... quite a medley I have going on here.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

FWIW, I "know" (internet know) the lady who wrote boundary ninja tales, and agree with it or not, her therapy worked for her. Her therapy with BN was ultimately highly successful - positive outcome for sure.

I wish I could compile detailed profiles of therapists and clients who successfully do attachment-based therapy (or whatever your want to call it) to find the common links. Is that approach what LT needs? Or does she need the exact opposite? It's so odd how the solution is sometimes to explore the therapeutic relationship and sometimes to not explore the therapeutic relationship. That's why I can never totally decide how I feel about LT's therapist's approach. I think it's also part of why her therapy has incited so much discussion.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Lol , someone dropping by to troll LT's thread or even just to be a contrarian seems like it needs some reffing and a red card . At least yellow.

I did not read the poster like that - I did not read into into it any ill-intent. I think accusing someone of being a troll is also questionable.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

FWIW, I "know" (internet know) the lady who wrote boundary ninja tales, and agree with it or not, her therapy worked for her. Her therapy with BN was ultimately highly successful - positive outcome for sure.

I don't disagree that it worked for her.
I personally did not find her writing style interesting and I simply did not agree with her general perspective on how therapy works across the board. It was way too much apologetic for the insanity of therapists for my tastes.
But if it worked for her - more power to her.

[Anastasia~]

LT--

You have talked about knowing more about attachment issues than your T, and I don't doubt that at all. I really think that it would be a good idea for you to find a therapist in your area who has a lot of knowledge/experience with attachment issues just to consult with a few times, or as much as you need. I even think, as difficult as it would be, that it would be helpful to talk to your T about wanting to consult and explain why.

I think (but don't know) that until you KNOW that your T is leading you in the right direction knowledgeably (and/or in the manner in which you want to be led) about attachment issues, that you are going to second guess everything that your T does/says (and rightfully so). And when a lot of difficult feelings arise, you want to be able to trust your T. Just my thoughts.
Take care.

[unaluna]

anastasia - good point. not being able to trust your caretakers i think translates into not being able to trust your t. That was a major breakthrough for me to make. When you always had to watch out for yourself growing up, you HAVE to believe you can take care of yourself now better than anyone else.

Eventually, hopefully, something happens in / during the relationship that shows you that your t is NOT your inept parent, that he IS capable of leading you through this underground cave.