Couch 179: Even-numbered days in a year

I like that idea!

Went to the courthouse this morning to file for my name change. I've always planned on eventually taking my mother's surname, but the legal process is a pain in the ***, especially bc of then having to get a new birth certificate, driver's license, passport, etc

I thought I had plenty of time and there was no rush. I just wanted to get it done before getting my PhD so I wouldn't be Dr. [last name], because my father has a PhD and when I hear Dr. [last name] I think of my father. My mom has a PhD too, but I don't mind the idea of having the same title/name as her.
In academia it's generally a good idea to have all your publications under the same name if you can, but it doesn't have to be your legal name. So I've been planning to publish under my mom's surname from the beginning. I thought I'd have plenty of time, but last week I found out that some of my work from undergrad is being submitted for publication and I'm being listed as a coauthor. I contacted the corresponding author about the name change, so it'll be published under the name I'll be using.

But because of this I decided I should probably get around to having a conversation with my PI (prof whose lab I work in/my PhD advisor) about it. He was supportive, as I knew he would be, and he didn't ask me to explain my decision or anything. He did recommend that I begin the legal process ASAP though, so my university stuff will be tied to the name I'll be using. And he's right that that will make things easier down the line, like having my official university email address be the name I'll be using, etc.

I really don't want it to be easy for people to find out what my name used to be. My father's surname is very unique, and googling brings up his academic work and a court record from my parents' divorce that has way more info about my personal/family life than I'm comfortable with future students and colleagues finding.

So I filed the paperwork to initiate it and I have a court date mid November and now I have to get a notice type thing published in a local newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks. Fun stuff.

My mom is pleased, but my grandmother, who absolutely loathes my father, is practically giddy. Like she even offered to pay the filing fee (I wouldn't have asked, but it's very much appreciated because it's $435 just to file in CA!!! not even including the $65 to publish in the newspaper. And it's not going to be cheap to get the new license, birth certificate, etc. either)
They both knew I was planning to do it eventually, but I think there was still doubt as to whether I'd actually go through with it. Like the original email about the submission of the paper I'm a coauthor on used my current name, and when I sent a screenshot to my mom (bragging a little, it's my first publication, after all) she actually said "guess it's too late to change your name now" like not in a passive aggressive way, it was teasing but like accepting that she thought I wouldn't be changing it. And I responded with a screenshot of the email I'd sent to the corresponding author and told her I'd just talked to my PI and was actually about to initiate the legal process.

Congrats on the publication and the upcoming name change!

Yes, that would be great! I told T today that I maybe called ex-MC’s office phone a couple times to hear his voice in outgoing message. But since T only uses his cell, I’d be afraid he’d actually answer. Plus he’d definitely have caller ID. So this option would be perfect

Personally if my T did this and burped, I'd love it even more. Random silliness would make it better.

Did anyone see the new series last night "A Million little things" ? It's about mental health stuff. there is though but I really liked it. It seems like a good show to get more important conversations going.

AAAARRGGGHH! My ipad which hasnt worked for the last two days, has suddenly risen from the dead and is back to old self. I am inordinately pleased but now feel i have to look for a replacement tablet just in case. I might use afterpay and get a cheap ipad. Maybe i will try a samsung. Should i contact the Vatican? I am not sure protestant/jewish ipad owners can ask.

I've just figured out the meaning of this couch title (slow on the uptake) then I went to page one and una I love that story of sibling rivalry. You were the moral victor I feel.

I accidentally forgot to re-save a couple of voice mails recently and was really annoyed about it. One was from my therapist and one was of my parents when they called on my birthday to sing Happy Birthday to me. The one from my parents was upsetting because I don't know how long my dad will be around. We talked about it in session the day after I found they were gone. He said he'd leave me another one sometime. I figured he'd forget about it but he brought it up again the next week and said he'd probably do it before he left for Thanksgiving. He even told me a long time ago that some people would call and listen to his voice mail message, so he's obviously not weirded out by it. I wonder if LT's T would be okay with it.

Thanks, echos! That means a lot to me! That was a defining incident in my life.

NP

That's a bummer I hope yours will record another for you

At $3 for the first minute and $1/minute every minute thereafter?

So many therapists are missing a business opportunity.

I came home early from work (just a half hour) because I had a headache. I seem to get one every afternoon. Drank a few sips of a coke zero, instant relief. Since giving up my drug of choice (sugar) I have neglected to have more than one coffee a day, I guess the caffeine wears off by afternoon. Or my poor confused body can't figure out why I'm only giving it water all day?

Anyway, the living room and kitchen were trashed (as usual) and "the maid" (me) "comes on Saturday" (the day I devote to all things housework) was not cutting it in the excuses department. I resist so hard every day when literally 15 minutes is all it took, and I even took a few extra minutes to sweep.

Of course dinner and dishes are pending, but I will normally just work around the mess, or go to bed and ignore the mess completely. A tick in the adult column today!

Also apologies for my gratuitous use of parentheses and exclamation points.

I've decided to go tomorrow to renew my restraining order since it expires in one week. Totally looking forward to it.

I saw commercials for it but didn't catch when it's on. I thought it sounded interesting though.

I would pay for a short message. Cheaper than a session. Lol

Great Idea!!!!

On a separate note, I learned today from my therapist that she is not well and hasn't been well all these many months that I knew something was wrong but kept thinking it was me. I have been pressing her, repeatedly and for months, about what is going on. So today, she asked, would it help to know my diagnosis? It felt like a slap, so I didn't say yes, even though I do want to know. I think if people--not just therapists--are going to keep things to themselves, they should understand how other people are going to be confused by not knowing why things are different about them and some people (like me) would be hurt, thinking all kinds of things about it.

rr — that’s an awful place for you to be in.

My stomach would be roiling with anxiety and wanting to know if not the specifics of the disease, just what the prognosis will be.....

I don’t have a World Myth lecture for tomorrow, am tired and a bit crabby, and I’m considering having them watch a very good short film version of Beowulf instead. It can be made to fit with the topic tomorrow (Norse heroes)and Monday (King Arthur). The relationship between the myths of the two cultures. Blah blah.

But yeah. It’s a cop-out.

Yes. That was what I wanted to know--is it terminal? But I felt like I'd already pushed her too far. There have been times I wondered if she was on medication, but was afraid to ask. She had just seemed kind of flat, and her responses were really off. It has kept me up at nights.

Not a cop out - a flexible change of plan that takes into account the different learning styles of today's college student

I’d say just ask her about it — she’s still showing up for work and so, should have some capacity to sort it out with clients?

I felt so badly for Professor Ford. I just wanted to hug her. That chair was just horrid to watch in action.