Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVI

Fuzzybear do you have a new better T?

What's wrong with me? Why can't I cry more than this?

Hey T

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

I want to be better. If I run now I'll always be running.

S

There's nothing wrong with you Rain. There isn't a way of quantifying your pain.

Had another griefquake this morning...why the hell do I act like I'm fine when we're in the same space, and then it all comes out sideways?

So I had a
Where tf did that come from? Are those feelings back?

I haven’t sent you an email for a week now and haven’t seen you for over a week. Yay me. Self restraint. Is this better? Is this the goal? If this is how we play the game I guess I can do it, but I feel disabled without email communication and I still resent you for doing this. I’m going to show so much self restraint you won’t recognize me.

Your shelves are dusty.

My coworker just started seeing you, I'm so jealous

(((Luc)))

Why am I looking at flight tickets back for december when I've already decided to stay away?

Oh my gosh Tony the Tiger T....I just realized I miss you. This is not good. I don't want to be attached to you. I'm still getting over former T. Kit.

I think I need to ask if you're actively aware of the shift in our dynamic and how you've been interacting with me differently.
It's not that I think it's a good thing or a bad thing, but you've been the only therapist I've trusted to be careful and conscientious wrt boundaries and self disclosure and all of that, and I need to know that that hasn't changed.

It's okay as long as you're aware of it and doing it intentionally, not thoughtlessly.

Every time I get an email from you, either as my therapist or my prof, it makes me light up a bit. Then I read it and often get upset. Why do I let you have this power over me?

I had a dream where you left before I had a chance to say goodbye, and I couldn't go look for you for some reason. All I wanted was to hug you.

(((RaineD)))

I just want my therapist back!

(((RaineD))) I know. I hear you. Kit.

Dear T,
I can definitely feel your caring now-thanks for those replies. I wish I didn’t doubt you so much. I also wish you were more careful in some of what you say to me. This is twice now recently where you’ve said you suspected something you said would negatively affect me. Could you maybe think of that *before* you say it instead of after? And then...just don’t say it? Or fully explain it at the time?
Love you anyway,
LT

Hi T: I want to write you, but really have nothing to say. I guess I miss you a bit? Ewwww...i hope not! no attachment!

Guess who wants to sabotage things??? You were nice and I want to ruin everything

T I have so much to tell you on Monday.

First of all, I'm super proud that I did my History paper today. you know how much i was dreading doing it but I did it. Next I have your two papers and then it's done.

I'm also in a waaaaay better place this week compared to last week, when I was dangerously suicidal. I think our chat on Tuesday helped things.

As always there will be much more to talk about this week.

I hope you laughed at the joke I texted you. It was pretty funny. And I hope your bird is ok.

I didn't sleep well last night. Where were the lovely dreams of you?