Couch 221: Definitely Spam!

I have a very good memory, except when I get triggered by something (and sometimes it's surprisingly subtle and I don't realize I'm triggered at the time). In that state, my brain kind of half-powers down and stops recording things accurately or at all. Once I began to realize that this was happening, I started to be careful to question the assumptions I was making about what somebody said or what I thought they said. It's freaking exhausting to do that, though, and I would prefer that my brain just worked properly all the time.

Oh, I like the snapshots vs. recordings comparison.

And I feel like at some point I looked for free PDF-editing software but was unsuccessful.

Oddly, this is also a near-perfect description of the exhaustion of living with a hearing impairment.

Ok phew, presentation over. Only seven people came so I'm glad I didn't put more time into it than I did. It was perfectly respectable; not amazing but not embarrassingly bad.

I keep feeling upset. It's work stress. I've already taken one xanax today at work and I'm thinking of taking another. I'm feeling left out, un-cared about, and unappreciated. Sigh.

I need a COVID test before a hospital procedure on Friday. The nurse entered the order and I went to our local clinic to get it done. I got to the clinic and they informed me that no such test was ordered for me. I got home and the clinic called to say "Oops" - they actually DO have the order but somehow I have duplicate charts under my name. The lady proceeded to give me a 7 minute lecture on duplicate charts and how medical records needs to merge them, etc.

My eyes were glazing over and I kept saying "can you get to the point"

The point is now I have to leave my house and go back to the clinic.

I found a pm I wrote to someone here on the forums dated somewhere between telling ex-T the secret and her leaving me 3 months later. Wow. I was telling this person about the problems in my relationship with her, how things changed. I had warning signs that things were going wrong, but I had a good previous year and a half that I didn't want to give up. Reading this pm made me relive all those emotions. I'm deleting it. I never want to feel that way again! I sent it to L. I wanted her to know what I went through, what led up to that point. She responded very supportive and validating. I needed that. I needed, even after all these years, to know that I'm not crazy. And she pointed out how my experiences with ex-T have affected not just my relationship with L, but also with my family. Ex-T really messed me up. I'm so thankful to have T and L now. So so much better!

Well...I was all set to actually go into campus and get a package from the department office. But an employee tested positive, so no one's allowed in the office--or the building--for 24 hours while it's sanitized.

I hope your hospital procedure goes okay on Friday!!!! And it sounds like the filing issue was their fault, so why is she telling you?!!! Silly lady.

Talked to Dr. T about the financial thing today (among other things). He was saying stuff about being sensitive to my financial situation and my need for care. And how this has been a really difficult time. But also said that he has to consider that I take up three of his slots per week, so he has to take that into consideration. So I was assuming it was going to go in a particular direction. Recall that I'm currently paying a temporary reduced rate of $133 (normal reduce rate is $150). I said to him that I understood, how I thought a compromise could be to do $140 or so/session for a couple months while I work my way back to two sessions a week.


So then he said he didn't want me to have to be renegotiating every month, because he knows it's stressful for me and probably has a negative effect on my mental health. So how about we do $142/session from now through March 1, then reassess as necessary. I said that was fine, thinking he was taking the compromise. And that I appreciated it. Then we talked about some other stuff for a bit (including how he basically thinks we're doomed for December and January with COVID). At the end, I said, "So does the $142 rate go into effect next week or the week after, because I thought the current rate was through the week of Thanksgiving?" Dr. T: "Isn't that what you're currently paying?" Me: "No? It's $133." Dr. T: "Oh, that's what I meant, I said the wrong number." Me: "For the $133?" Dr. T: "Yes, to continue the $133 through March 1." Me: "Oh! Then thank you, I really appreciate it." And I said we could work on helping me to reduce sessions. And we talked about some things I could think about in other ways to cope.

LT, I'm so glad the financial conversation went well with Dr. T!

Further proof that therapists can't do math. (SD 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020.)

Info used to be $150/50 minutes. Then a couple years ago she increased her rates and changed to 45-minute and 60-minute appointments. 45 minutes cost $165, a rate increase. 60 minutes cost $175, a rate decrease. I pointed this out. Her eyes glazed over at simple arithmetic. She clearly had very little clue what I was trying to explain.

I'm a total cheapskate in some ways, so I went for the rate decrease. Hey, boobs or bust.

SD is not just another pretty face, ya know!

Thanks, Kit! I hope your day gets better.

OK, that's pretty funny about her rates. But yeah, go for the decrease if she's offering it!

And he said some of his clients are only paying $25/session right now due to losing their jobs or things like that, so I'm not really getting *that* much of a reduced rate. So I felt a little better.

Yeah, my T is crap at math as well. Once we started like 12 minutes late and he couldn’t figure out what time we’d need to end to have a 50 minute appointment. He asked me to just do the math and tell him.

LT, if it makes you feel better, you're still paying almost exactly Liz's normal rate and even slightly more than what my insurance says she can charge me. (She has a PhD, which I think Dr. T has too?) The cost of living might be somewhat lower here than where you are, but I still don't think $133 is unfair.

Um, let's see, I'll just add an extra half hour, and....

Thanks, EM, that does make me feel better. Therapy rates just seem really high around here. Like ex-MC is also a PhD, and he was charging $175 when we were seeing him, then I think right near the end he must have increased to $195 (as the office manager was billing our insurance that, even though we were paying him $175 directly). Ex-T was a LCSW and was billing...I think $130 when I first started seeing her? She was charging $150 or $160 to new clients by the time I left, but kept me grandfathered at old rate.

Wow, I feel bad for my T. I pay her $30 (that's my copay.) With insurance she gets slightly less than another $30. It's like $58. and change. So she is being compensated approximately $60 an hour or $1 a minute. Except right now she isn't being paid by the insurance companies so she is making the $30 off of me, or $0.50 a minute.


Former T, I paid her cash $55 an hour (sliding scale) and that included unlimited text and emailing.


To be fair we live in an economically depressed area.

I should clarify that we just live in a suburban area with a particularly high cost of living, partly due to having one of the top-rated school systems in the country. H got our townhouse at a bargain price (before we were together) by a for-sale-by-owner who just wanted to get rid of it. Then the market crash happened, and we were underwater for a stretch on the house (owed more than it was worth). We're in a considerably less-good area of the county (for example, a large portion of the students at D's school are on free or reduced lunch, and she's at a Title I school that gets extra funding because of the population). But most of the therapists are clustered in the pricier areas of the county (and I know that Dr. T lives in a single-family home in one of the nicest areas, but he doesn't necessarily know that I know that...).

bah - I just realized that sirius radio is doing its play xmas music absurdly early. There are a lot of bad -really bad - holiday (mostly xmas) songs out there and sirius xm radio is determined to jam them down our ears for the next two months. I hate it.

SD--I have been voluntarily listening to Christmas music via iHeart radio at work for the past I don't know...week maybe. Then I got Dolly Parton's new Holiday cd Jolly Dolly Holiday and put it in my car (my car doesn't have Sirius capabilities) so I am voluntarily listening to Christmas music.


In my defense, I've been in a really upset mood for a week now and Christmas music makes me happy.

However, I draw the line at Christmas movies in October (I'm talking to you Hallmark) I miss my mysteries. Bring back Aurora Teagarden. Or find a way to put Aurora Teagarden in a murder mystery Christmas movie.

I intentionally deleted all the exclamation marks out of my post for you SD.

I appreciate the lack of overly emotional punctuation. I despise most xmas music and think xmas eve and xmas day between 2-4pm are the only times it should be allowed in public

SD--for a long time (longer than I would like to remember) I worked in retail....and we listened to Holiday music for about three months straight. It drove me bananas. Especially as it was some sort of muzak system that replayed every couple of hours. Plus there are multiple versions of pretty much every holiday song out there. But now that I can choose when to listen to Christmas music it is a bit different. I do agree with you that it shouldn't be subjected to the public for so long.