Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 04, 2021 at 10:13 PM

That was really nice of you.

captgut · Jul 05, 2021 at 04:16 AM

It was so nice of you to blow me a kiss... I'm touched

comrademoomoo · Jul 05, 2021 at 12:57 PM

Let's see what this new one is like. She's not you ... which is both a relief and a sorrow.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 05, 2021 at 02:38 PM

Dear T,
I almost emailed you about this, but will just share on Wednesday. I do appreciate the irony of your telling me in session how you want to make it clear that I don't have to meet any needs of yours beyond payment. Because it seems that I tend to feel I need to meet people's needs (even if they're somewhat inappropriate, like with the teacher) for them to not abandon me. Then when the session froze at the end, and I realized you were saying something as I was logging off, I felt the need to text you to let you know I hadn't intentionally hung up on you. So...trying to meet your needs there, in a way.... Also, this was before you made that comment, but my whole preface about how I don't think of you as an "older man" now, at least in the sense of what I was talking about from when I was 18.

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Jul 05, 2021 at 03:20 PM

You remind me of the T I couldn’t get out of my head for 4 months straight. Today I’m hardly thinking of her. Maybe you have replaced her and I can finally come to peace with things with her?

I’m glad we’re meeting every other week. Therapy every week seemed to have screwed me over in the past.

*Beth* · Jul 06, 2021 at 08:10 AM

The BIG DAY! Finally! Hopefully, teletherapy is now a thing of the past. I'm looking forward to being in your office. It's been 14 months.

Elio · Jul 06, 2021 at 08:56 AM

I don't like the change in the schedule and it is bringing up thoughts of quitting. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I don't like it. I want to leave at what would now be 15 min early ... because part of me feels like that's your desired outcome for the change. I don't understand the change otherwise ... other than it's your world. Maybe I will. Mad.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 06, 2021 at 11:41 AM

The space between pressing send (or scheduling an email to send) and waiting for your reply is a very difficult space to be in.

Mountaindewed · Jul 06, 2021 at 12:33 PM

I am demisexual which means I am only attracted to people I form a deep emotional bond with. Before my transition I really was asexual.

I told you yesterday after going through that whole story about how my Jr. High spread a rumor that I was gay, that I am asexual. I told you that so I wouldn’t freak you out. My last T thought I was asexual until I finally told her. But I don’t think I feel comfortable telling you. But I’m not asexual.

Honestly no one knows my sexuality even my mom doesn’t I don’t think.

RoxanneToto · Jul 06, 2021 at 01:40 PM

I didn’t mean to alarm you today, what was I thinking?! Oh, yeah, I wasn’t, cos I’m an idiot lol. I just wanted to keep you up to date on things.
Been thinking about what you said yesterday, too, and I think maybe it’s a misunderstanding on your part - a pretty out there/‘bat poop’ one, if I can be honest. I don’t think it matches up with reality, but I can see why people could draw that conclusion and I can’t totally dismiss it. I just hope D proves you wrong when we talk to her.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 06, 2021 at 01:54 PM

Dear Backup T,
I hope you reply at some point in the next day or two. I'd really just like to have an appointment on the books for when Dr. T is away. I know it's not for nearly 2 weeks, but no idea how booked you are. I also have this probably silly fear that you won't be willing to meet with me because I emailed you about that thing with Dr. T regarding the standing up thing around 2 years ago (feels like much longer ago due to the pandemic). But I wouldn't do that now. And I really just wanted you to give me a reality check at the time, not take my side against Dr. T or something.
--LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 06, 2021 at 09:14 PM

Dear T,
Oh, I think you're gonna appreciate the baseball vs. (American) football vs. life analogy I just came up with... Especially in the sense that it could help me with perspective on things.

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 07, 2021 at 02:04 AM

Thanks for your email,

I can't help but feel that you know damn well what 'what used to be' means to me. Of course, since I sent that message, everything seems to have intensified, and now my first in person session with the younger students will be my last for this term.

I couldn't tell you that, because the email was already a long one.

We're going to end up having a conversation that I don't want to have.

Lostislost · Jul 07, 2021 at 04:29 AM

Oh, you blocked me again. I guess you didn't know it was me anyway. I wish you would let me know you.

MuddyBoots · Jul 07, 2021 at 07:08 AM

Can we please work on the things that are really hurting me instead of talking about my cats or how often I brush my teeth? Please. I feel so chaotic inside even when I'm not in a bipolar episode. Every time I go to the hospital they say "Severe fear of abandonment... needs intensive therapy once you get out," or "Need to process trauma... need to work on this in therapy," or "Trouble maintaining relationships? Outpatient therapy." The list goes on. These things and more are why my quality of life sucks. I keep waking up screaming, I feel so alone, I feel things so intensely even the positive emotions hurts and I don't think you get that. And I have brought up a lot of these things with you, but you keep brushing them off to ask about the weather or some stupid ****. I get I have untreated ADHD and it's hard for us to stay on topic, but you're a therapist; you should be able to handle that task.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 07, 2021 at 08:24 AM

Hey. I was just thinking about how glad I am that I stuck this out with you. And that you are still putting up with me after all this time. Back in November of 2011 during that first session I thought you were kooky and wasn't sure I would schedule a 2nd appointment and now here we are almost 10 years later.... just, wow. So, thanks. I appreciate you more than you know.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 07, 2021 at 08:46 AM

Things are falling apart. I'm bewildered by your email, but there is so much else to talk about. I just need one thing to hang on to, and it feels like everything is falling away. I want something back.

Glittering · Jul 07, 2021 at 10:10 AM

I can’t stop checking my emails. I’m pretty sure you’ll email before the end of next week, but that’s a lot of days to be obsessively checking a million times a day. I don’t actually know what I’ll do if you don’t come back. Break has now been 8 whole weeks. Nightmares every night at the moment and feeling so trapped in my ED again. But I’m surviving. Keeping everything crossed for good news when you eventually email.

SlumberKitty · Jul 07, 2021 at 11:37 AM

Dear Dr. K. The 19th feels very far away. I think I am missing you, though I don't even know you. Maybe I just miss being able to talk to someone about my stuff and have them really listen to me. I think when I schedule again it will be for a month. I don't think I need twice a month anymore. I think I'm growing. A month is a long time but I am dealing with it. This time it was two months because I didn't see you last month. I wonder if you will think that is strange. Kit

SlumberKitty · Jul 07, 2021 at 11:39 AM

Dear Case Manager, I can understand you not wanting to discharge me because of all the suicidal thoughts I get. I understand that. But I think you don't understand that I have a lot more coping skills now. The extra support you gave is great and I have the list of Pdocs that take my insurance and that's helpful in case I decide to make a change. But I think I am able to handle more than you think I am capable of. I think I would be okay to terminate next session or the session after. I think I will tell you that next time. Thanks for all that you did for me. Kit

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,232 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,760 hugs given	Jul 04, 2021 at 10:13 PM #761 That was really nice of you.

captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Jul 05, 2021 at 04:16 AM #762 It was so nice of you to blow me a kiss... I'm touched

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Jul 05, 2021 at 12:57 PM #763 Let's see what this new one is like. She's not you ... which is both a relief and a sorrow.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,180 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,761 hugs given	Jul 05, 2021 at 03:20 PM #765 You remind me of the T I couldn’t get out of my head for 4 months straight. Today I’m hardly thinking of her. Maybe you have replaced her and I can finally come to peace with things with her? I’m glad we’re meeting every other week. Therapy every week seemed to have screwed me over in the past. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 06, 2021 at 08:10 AM #766 The BIG DAY! Finally! Hopefully, teletherapy is now a thing of the past. I'm looking forward to being in your office. It's been 14 months. __________________

Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	Jul 06, 2021 at 08:56 AM #767 I don't like the change in the schedule and it is bringing up thoughts of quitting. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I don't like it. I want to leave at what would now be 15 min early ... because part of me feels like that's your desired outcome for the change. I don't understand the change otherwise ... other than it's your world. Maybe I will. Mad.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jul 06, 2021 at 09:14 PM #772 Dear T, Oh, I think you're gonna appreciate the baseball vs. (American) football vs. life analogy I just came up with... Especially in the sense that it could help me with perspective on things. Love, LT

Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	Jul 07, 2021 at 04:29 AM #774 Oh, you blocked me again. I guess you didn't know it was me anyway. I wish you would let me know you.