Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

Lemoncake · May 11, 2021 at 12:31 AM

I'm nervous about my presentation today and actually thought I made a mistake cancelling the therapy session on the 15th.

Just three more days to get through for the rest of this week.

nottrustin · May 11, 2021 at 06:53 AM

I really hate when you use CBT. That is all for now.

Lemoncake · May 11, 2021 at 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'm nervous about my presentation today and actually thought I made a mistake cancelling the therapy session on the 15th.

Just three more days to get through for the rest of this week.

I survived! Just exhausted. The lead doc was nice and made jokes that he couldn't hear me and not to be nervous. Easy said then done in front of 21 people, but I also noticed that he flipped his chair around instead of facing me towards the others like he was doing with the first girl. I've wanted to be done with school for so long and now the moments finally here and I feel sad that it's over and everything's changing. I've actually grown attached to everyone in my group, despite trying hard not in the first year. Last teaching week and scrolling through instagram it feels like I've lived a lifetime in this year alone.

LostOnTheTrail · May 11, 2021 at 10:29 AM

Trying to breathe, and work, and look forward to my birthday.

Possible trigger:

I am thankful that birthday funeral now seems unlikely.

In spite of it being my birthday on Thursday, I think I might need you to remind me (again) that there is absolutely no pressure for me to keep it together.

I've kept this appointment for a reason.

SlumberKitty · May 11, 2021 at 11:53 AM

Please lets have a good helpful appointment today!

Lostislost · May 11, 2021 at 01:28 PM

Why is it always awkward when I least expect it? Probably shouldn't have brought the drawing in. I have no idea how I'm getting through each day.

*Beth* · May 11, 2021 at 02:17 PM

Please don't cancel our appointment on Thursday! I'm not having the easiest time of it and really need to see you.

comrademoomoo · May 12, 2021 at 05:39 AM

Who is this other bozo you are setting me up with? She looks like a cave dweller, something which, under different circumstances, I would appreciate about someone. This tribe of yours is very strange.

LonesomeTonight · May 12, 2021 at 08:49 PM

Dear T,
I'm not sure how to process your willingness to talk to me tonight. I mean, I know I'll be billed for it. But that's OK. I just...I assumed you'd just say you'd talk to me Friday. Or possibly, if you had an opening tomorrow, offer me another session. Not that you'd talk to me at 8:40 on a Wednesday. I worry you think it wasn't a big enough deal, but you said you could tell I was really distressed. So that helps, I think? But...thank you. It means a lot.
Love,
LT

daisydid · May 12, 2021 at 11:08 PM

Your dedication and willingness to go above and beyond the last month or so has triggered this intense shame in me. I don’t feel like any part of me is worth this. Yet it seems so natural and effortless for you to do the things that you’ve done. It’s given me a new perspective on what it means to be present for clients. I can see this period in our work greatly influencing the way that I work with clients in the future.

jrae · May 13, 2021 at 12:39 AM

what's the point of anything any more.........

Glittering · May 13, 2021 at 03:34 PM

I can’t believe I did that. This pain is awful. I don’t know how to survive it. 2 months of horrendous sessions and I think I’m done, I don’t see a way forward and I’m not sure you do either. Maybe we really will never meet again. The little ones worst fears realised. Trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma. I’m too broken and now I’m alone with all of this and i have no idea what to do with it

*Beth* · May 13, 2021 at 06:00 PM

I wish I truly felt, and believed, that I am doing as well as you keep telling me I am. I'm trying to be objective, though.

LonesomeTonight · May 13, 2021 at 06:22 PM

Dear T,
It occurred to me today that last night was probably the first time you've seen me intoxicated. Like, you've seen me after one drink before, but not after a few. I feel sort of awkward about that now. Kind of...exposed. And embarrassed. Maybe that needs to be a part of the discussion tomorrow, too...

Love,
LT

velcro003 · May 13, 2021 at 08:54 PM

Hi T. Hope everything is good, and we have session tomorrow. I'm not doing great this week and hoping talking to you will help.

daisydid · May 14, 2021 at 12:41 AM

Frankly, I’m glad to not see you until next week. 4 hours of therapy in a week is just too much. And I am eternally grateful for your willingness to walk this path with me for now.

Lemoncake · 04:45 AM

I rebooked the session I cancelled for tomorrow. New T G emailed on the 12th asking If there was anything he could do to support me.

Then in another email in response to mine with all of this validation stuff. It just seems so fake and his response makes me want to cancel again. It's tomorrow at 10am.

If I'm being honest I feel scared.and my b***** attitude is just a front. I don't think I deserve kidness. My head is messy can I really get paeds done? What about after that with my retake internal exam?

"What if it hurts like hell?"

Then it will hurt like hell.

Mountaindewed · May 14, 2021 at 11:24 AM

I hope our first in person session goes well. It will be pretty weird for me to be in an office because I’ve only had 2 in person sessions since March 16th 2020. I’m wondering what to wear and if you’d like one of my button up shirts since you like to non judge mentally comment on my shirts. Also will you be eating anything?

LonesomeTonight · May 14, 2021 at 11:55 AM

Dear T,
Thank you for being warm and understanding today. And for joking around a bit. I still feel awkward about your seeing me that way, but I actually wonder if it ultimately was a good thing for you to see me in that state? You said I seemed much more emotional than I typically am. So maybe it's good in a way that you got to see "Uncensored LT"? That maybe it helped you understand better how I can crash emotionally at times.
Love,
LT
PS: Happy Belated Birthday!

Rive. · May 14, 2021 at 05:09 PM

Why are you doing this?

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,692 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 11, 2021 at 12:31 AM #401 I'm nervous about my presentation today and actually thought I made a mistake cancelling the therapy session on the 15th. Just three more days to get through for the rest of this week. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	May 11, 2021 at 06:53 AM #402 I really hate when you use CBT. That is all for now. __________________

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	May 11, 2021 at 11:53 AM #405 Please lets have a good helpful appointment today! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	May 11, 2021 at 01:28 PM #406 Why is it always awkward when I least expect it? Probably shouldn't have brought the drawing in. I have no idea how I'm getting through each day.

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	May 11, 2021 at 02:17 PM #407 Please don't cancel our appointment on Thursday! I'm not having the easiest time of it and really need to see you. __________________

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	May 12, 2021 at 05:39 AM #408 Who is this other bozo you are setting me up with? She looks like a cave dweller, something which, under different circumstances, I would appreciate about someone. This tribe of yours is very strange.

jrae Grand Member Member Since Jun 2008 Location: WYLTK Posts: 763 15 410 hugs given	May 13, 2021 at 12:39 AM #411 what's the point of anything any more.........

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	May 13, 2021 at 06:00 PM #413 I wish I truly felt, and believed, that I am doing as well as you keep telling me I am. I'm trying to be objective, though. __________________

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,739 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	May 13, 2021 at 06:22 PM #414 Dear T, It occurred to me today that last night was probably the first time you've seen me intoxicated. Like, you've seen me after one drink before, but not after a few. I feel sort of awkward about that now. Kind of...exposed. And embarrassed. Maybe that needs to be a part of the discussion tomorrow, too... Love, LT

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	May 13, 2021 at 08:54 PM #415 Hi T. Hope everything is good, and we have session tomorrow. I'm not doing great this week and hoping talking to you will help.

daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	May 14, 2021 at 12:41 AM #416 Frankly, I’m glad to not see you until next week. 4 hours of therapy in a week is just too much. And I am eternally grateful for your willingness to walk this path with me for now.

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	May 14, 2021 at 05:09 PM #420 Why are you doing this?