Couch 237: Social Rules

hugs, Kit I hope your appointment goes well and that you don't have to have it redone again this time. sorry you weren't able to work through it during your session last night. i always hated it when there wasn't time for everything i wanted to talk about.

Crap. I relapsed. EEK. I sent my T a text and let her know, so now I am waiting on a reply. I'm kind of panicky now because I'm not too sure if I should have a doctor check it out but I don't want to end up IP so I am reluctant to do so. There's a lady at my church that one of my friends suggested I contact if I needed support while she is in Israel so I think I will do that. I kind of know her but I'll have a lot of explaining to do. I really hope my T gets back to me soon. I hate waiting. She's probably in session though so I don't want to call. Plus I am kind of worried about what she is going to say. I'm not even sure I am done relapsing and I'm sure my T will not want to hear that. I told her it in text though, so at least she knows.

Hugs, Kit. Stay safe.

T said she still cares about me very much.

*hugs* Kit, I'm sorry you're in pain.
I hope you can stay safe.

Hugs, Kit. I hope your T is understanding and supportive--it's good you told her. How long until your session? Have you already had the mammogram?

Thank you, Lost. HUG

I was supposed to Zoom my T tonight (and I already Zelled her the money). But she just cancelled on me. She fell last night and is bruised up and doesn't think she can do a session. Crap. This is like the worst possible time for this to happen. She said if I go to the hospital, she can't imagine that they wouldn't admit me to the psych ward. Well that seals it, not going to the hospital. Might make an appointment with my PCP in a few days so she can check on things. Crap. I can't believe this is happening.

Oh, no, I'm so sorry.... Would she be willing to talk on the phone for a bit? Or do some texting?

I know the feeling Kit. "When it rains, it pours".

oh no Kit, I'm so sorry! wondering too if she could talk or text even for a couple minutes.

Do cats get depressed? My Ds cat has been really strange since just before my D moved out . He has been just sleeping on his towel on the couch and only getting up to use the litter or eat and drink and cry at the door of my Ds old bedroom. He will accept a brief pat but wont be cuddled which is unusual as he is very cuddly.

Ooh, thanks for the recommendation!
Aw, Kit. I hope you are not beating yourself up for relapsing. It happens. I am so sorry your T had to cancel. You are right, that is terrible timing. Please stay safe, and I encourage you to at least set up an appointment at your doctor's office to get it checked out if you don't want to go to the hospital.

I think they can. My kitties took a couple of weeks to act normal again after my eldest cat ran away.

yes - I think cats get depressed - I had a cat who was very attached to one of my dogs and he was bereft for about a month after the dog (who was very old for a dog) died. I had gotten the cat as a kitten about a month after getting the puppy and they loved each other. But cats live about twice as long as my dog breed so -he has another dog now that he likes but it isn't the same. Can you let the cat in the bedroom?

I am sorry your cat never came back about 2 years ago during a thunderstorm one of my cats got spooked and slipped out between my legs when i opened the door. I hope he found another new home even though i put posters up and put him on the lost pets page on fb.

I do let him in every now and then but there is still stuff that needs to be taken so the door is closed until they go, after that the door will be will open

We just got back from taking a bunch of stuff out of our fridge/freezer over to our friends house cuz they have a 2nd fridge in their laundry room that's mostly empty, so we filled it up. Before we went I cooked up some steaks and fish that had thawed. My house smells soo good right now haha. The fridge repair guy is supposed to get here tomorrow between 3-5pm or something late like that. We're trying to plan ahead in case they can't fix it and we have to buy a new one, so we don't waste all the groceries we'd JUST bought. Tomorrow we have to deal with the bank stuff for the car loan, and hopefully tomorrow evening or thursday we'll be able to go pick up the car. we're buying a honda accord I think it's a 2015? I forget. We test drove it this afternoon and I really like it. I'm having another glass of wine before bed hopefully it will help me go to sleep! night couchies.

Thanks Daffy. I am still really really upset by it. I want to believe he found a new home, but most of me believes he didn't and was out there suffering before he passed.

I keep starting to post this, then stopping. I'm not sure if this will help or not, but going to share it anyway, in the hopes that it could possibly make you feel better. I think your cat was rather elderly, right?

So the other day, in relation to a discussion on difficulty grieving something that's left uncertain, I happened to mention what happened with your cat. Dr. T (who has owned a number of them) said that cats are interesting in that when they sense that they're near death, their instinct is to go someplace where they can be alone. So that will often lead to them escape a house/apartment so that they can pass away in their preferred way.

Perhaps that's what happened for yours? That it wasn't you being careless and letting him out, but he was looking for a moment to escape because he knew what was coming, so he took it. And he didn't suffer (as in, wasn't wandering the streets for days), but instead went out peacefully on his own terms.

Hugs if wanted too, SK. It's because zero is "enough", as confusing as it is. For example, if you SH due to feeling guilty, there are ways to release guilt without hurting yourself. Took me ages to learn that though!

I started with a "harm reduction" approach since I couldn't and wouldn't promise to go "cold turkey".

Like you said, it's a coping mechanism. It serves a purpose, so alternatives have to be able to meet the various needs behind the desire to SH, and different alternatives for different intensity of SH urges.

One reason (however mundane) I'd SH was because I wanted the comfort of a tight hug, but couldn't get a hug. These days I get out my weighted blanket and roll myself up into it (like a burrito lol) rather than SH.

I'm glad your T didn't threaten anything, and I hope you know you are cared about here.

My sister, who had worked for a vet a number of years ago, told me the same thing about cats instinct to be alone when they pass, back in December when we lost our Rascal (he had passed on his own not long before we made it home from being out of town).

Oh right, wasn't your son watching him? I know you felt a lot of guilt then....

It seems like it would be a good thing for vets to let cat owners know about that, before it might happen.

It's a different thing, but guinea pigs, as prey animals, tend to hide their illnesses. So people will post in some of the Facebook groups trying to figure out what happened, as their pig had seemed fine the night before and feeling guilty that they missed a sign. But they often don't give an obvious sign (which does make me worry about anything that seems even slightly off in mine!) Still, it helps to know that.

Thank you Couchies.

I ended up talking to my T last night overall. She texted me around 2 and said she was feeling better and that she could talk. I proposed that I text her at 5 PM and see how she was feeling then, and if she was okay we would proceed with our session at 6 PM. So when I texted she said she was okay. So we had our session. We started on Zoom but then she lost internet so we ended up just talking on the phone.

It was a good session. I'm kind of amazed she didn't send me to the hospital, not because of suicidality because I wasn't suicidal, but because I had texted her what I had done and she was like, honestly I can't see how you wouldn't be hospitalized if you go to the ER. (So of course, I didn't go to the ER--although I am weighing an appointment with my PCP but what can she really do about it? Hmm. not sure.) And I am especially surprised that she didn't send me to the hospital after I couldn't promise her that I wouldn't engage in the behavior again today. I did promise to keep in touch with her though. And I am not going to engage in the behavior today. I decided that this morning when I got nauseated after taking care of what I did yesterday and I am still nauseated several hours later. I can't believe what I can do to myself sometimes.

I don't really remember what we talked about in session but I plan to send her an email today of my thoughts about what happened and how horrified I am now. Then I will text her and let her know I sent her an email. She said she will be with clients all day today but if I need a return call ASAP that I need to tell her. I don't think that will be the case, but you never know. She says otherwise, she just assumes I am keeping her in the loop which is basically what I am doing. So we are in agreement on that. She was generally very helpful although I can't recall why. It was definitely one of our deeper sessions. I just don't remember it.

Thanks, couchies for all the support!

Hugs, Kit. I'm glad you were still able to talk to your T last night. I feel like some T's are much more alarmist than others about things like the ER. Maybe "alarmist" is the wrong word. Sometimes alarm is the right reaction (like I think mine was under-concerned once a few years ago). It could be that yours also trusted that you would be safe enough--or that you'd reach out to her if things got worse (because you'd been in touch throughout), and then maybe she'd push you to go?

I'm glad you don't plan to engage in it today. Please keep posting here if it helps.