Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

HUGS comrade.

I'm really sorry what your T did to you. It wasn't nice. It wasn't kind. It wasn't fair. It wasn't expected. It wasn't therapeutic. It just sucked.

I am so very sorry you are going through this.

If I was there with you right now, I would make us a cup of tea, and maybe we could sit outside and watch the stars in the universe and just look at that vast expanse and relate it to the pain that you are feeling now.

It's probably going to hurt for a long time. I know it hurt after former T left me and she didn't even leave me like yours did!

Eventually, we see a path in the stars and we realize there is a path forward. It's too soon right now...we don't know what that path will be.

Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow for whatever feelings you have. Anger. Resentment. Grief. Sadness. Whichever ones. Allow for them to be there. Give them space to breathe and exist.

Know that you are not alone. The couch has got you.

I am so very sorry this has happened. It really, really sucks.

*sits with comrade*

Ugh, Dr. T told me today that he's going to do next week all virtual so that he's careful re: Covid for his vacation the week after. That his wife and son asked him to do that--and he just made the decision today, so couldn't tell me sooner.

He told me right at the start of session, and I was like, "OK, I understand," then talked about other stuff for 20 minutes. Then I just started crying, he asked what was going on, and I said it was about the virtual sessions. He said, "In person is really important to you, isn't it?" I wanted to be like, "Yeah, no s***." He said I'm not the only client who feels that way, how some won't see him at all if it has to be virtual.

I was trying to explain why it was important to me, but don't think I did a good job of it. Though he definitely seemed to understand having the actual dedicated space for it, as opposed to in my house. But I tried to say how, for example, the session after my D's assessments, where I was really upset, sitting in there and sobbing with him present helped more than if it had been over the computer. He said, "Even with me way over here?" (We sit 6 feet apart now, when I used to sit closer.) I said yes.

I kept crying and then apologizing for reacting so strongly. He kept saying it was OK. Then said how it probably felt like he was pulling back with the virtual, then pulling back more with vacation. I said yes. Also that I worried something would happen with vacation (like his getting sick) or Covid numbers to make the virtual extend longer. It didn't occur to me until the ride home that I was partly worried his wife and son will vote to extend the virtual.

At least I'll "see" him again Sunday (he's off Wednesday, so the schedule is weird next week). He even said, "It's probably good we're meeting again Sunday." I just felt embarrassed/ashamed for reacting so strongly... I am glad I went in person today, as I'd just returned from the beach a couple hours earlier and had contemplated just doing virtual (was a 3-hour drive).

ETA: I feel bad for whining about this when your T completely bailed on you, Comrade....

Sheesh. So the accounting peeps got back to me. I would never have found it in a million years. The payroll service did not pull the taxes from two manual checks that were written for an employee who quit. All my math was correct. But there is something wrong with what the payroll service did. So I will have to go to them and find out what is being done about that because the taxes were withheld from his check. So either we are missing a report, or something. I'm glad they got back to me. Because it was driving me crazy. At least I won't be worried about it all weekend.

We had an abbreviated session of about 20- 30 minutes.

Thanks! Like this?

Ooh, slumber, way to go!

Oh, and you'll appreciate this, NP--Dr. T also said near the end, regarding the virtual then vacation: "We'll get through it." Yeah, of course *he'll* get through it just fine!

I spoke to him about that thought today. He said I wasn't an asshole. But about an hour after session I started to panic that I'd told him that, fearing he was going to abandon me because I'm a jerk and I ended up emailing him. I've got abandonment on the brain lately.

Hugs, NP. I'm glad he said you weren't an asshole. I completely get the panic reaction followed by email, too, as I've been there. I hope he responds soon and it's a helpful reply.

I guess the stuff with my T is triggering abandonment fears, too. If only we could just shut off that part of our brains....

I had gastric bypass 16 months ago and it definitely improved my overall health. It did not seem to impact the absorption of my psych meds, although I did recently increase my dose of Cymbalta but that is because I'm having increased depression due to my cognitive & memory deficits.

However, I did have to work with my PCP to adjust the level of my thyroid medication because my levels were off within 3 months of the surgery. Now, I take 60 MG one day, then 75 MG the next day, then 60 MG the following day. (It's not as complicated as it sounds....) We just tested again about 6 weeks ago (I forget) and it was up to me whether to change it up a bit or keep it as is and test again in a few months. I chose to ride it out.

The moral is: some medications might be just fine, others won't, and you might have to switch from the extended release versions that you can take once a day to the standard versions that require you to take it two or three times a day instead.

Despite all of that, I think it was worth it for me. You also need to get your vitamin levels tested consistently and be dedicated to taking those and calcium supplements for the rest of your life. So if you're someone who has a lot of trouble remembering to take your meds as directed, I really recommend figuring that out first.

Good luck!

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Yes!!!! Beautiful!!

Thanks!! Just so thrilled I don't have to worry about it all weekend. Even though I only have a partial answer as to what is wrong, I can rest in the fact that my work was fine. And hopefully, I will learn how to fix this issue with the payroll service if it happens again!

Thanks!

I'm only good with my meds at night, so I take all of them then. I'll definitely have problems taking them multiple times a day. But I trust my PCP and work closely with her.

I got Ls support today for it. She believes that there can be health at all body sizes. She also knows I suffer from an array of health problems. Plus, this might get H and I healthy enough to have a baby.

I'm not going into this lightly. And I'm only doing it if it will improve my health AND all my team is on board. I just need my psych meds to keep me stable, so it's the one thing I'm really worried about.

You work with a p-doc, right? It could be good to check with them about this, as I imagine they have other patients who have had the sleeve procedure done, so might be able to give insight on whether it affects psych meds. And your PCP of course, too, for anything else you're on.

I think most places will also give you nutritional counseling sessions before and after the procedure--I have a friend whose job is to do that (she's a registered dietician). So they could help with the vitamin aspect.

Thanks LT! Yes, I have a pdoc, but she's retiring this month. I plan on asking her at our last appointment. She happens to be an pdoc and was a PCP. I have a joint session with her and the new pdoc on the 11th, so she can coordinate with the new pdoc.

Yes, I think the program is like 6 months where there is counseling and nutrition guidance. I like that it's a program and they don't just agree to do it.

Right now I'm just gathering information. I'm leaning toward doing it, but I also don't want to rush. I want this to be an informed decision and everyone on board.

Happy early birthday, Artie. The gift from your sister is thoughtful!

I'm glad they found the error!

Mobius, this is a little off-topic, but I've been doing the same with my thyroid meds for years. The alternating is pretty straightforward, my numbers *look* a tad high but it's where I feel good and I am super healthy otherwise.

I have a new GP and suddenly this is the most complicated medication regimen one can imagine. (It's not. Seriously. For Pete's sake. All I have to remember is pink is for odd days.) She keeps sending me in for blood tests and then only renewing one or the other prescription. I think I'm going to have to call my endocrinologist (who originally prescribed this) and tell him I am too old and cranky to train a young doctor to listen to the patient, and can he please reset my prescription?

Scarlett, I have a friend who did bariatric surgery, and it was great, they just monitored all her meds afterward, including her meds for anxiety.

Thank you SlumberKitty. You seem like a very gentle and open person. You are human. I am not usually moved by comments like this, but I was genuinely touched by your posting so thank you.

Oh please don't. There is room for nuance and difference and degree. This stuff can hurt, no matter how extreme or slight the difficulty.

You are a talented crocheter, Artie! I want to submit requests to DJ Artie Crochet Hooks. Could you crochet us a couch? My arse is fat so it will need substantial girth.

Well, I think we have the title for the next couch, "The Crocheted Couch, by Artie"!

Thanks, and I know. I appreciate your comment.

Oh my, I am so charmed. The ice cream truck just went by, and my tall folk went running out and came back with ice creams and gumballs just like when they were little.