Couch 242: madam i'm adam

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Originally Posted by comrademoomoo If your husband is so invested in women's hairstyles, I would suggest he gets a woman's haircut for himself. He could even colour it if he liked. That way he gets to control his hair and indulge his interest in women's hairstyling whilst you make your own decisions about your own body.

Touche! Thank you. Yes, I agree!

My husband hurt me so deeply when I was younger because he would never stop with criticizing what I did with my hair. I have good hair and doing fun things with it has always been self-care for me. I absolutely cringe when I hear of anyone telling someone else what to do with their hair. Our hair is a part of our own bodies.

I can't taste it exactly as its own thing but I can tell when a dish that is supposed to have it as an ingredient is missing it.

Well my appointment with the new therapist is in 4 hours. I am pretty nervous but trying to be chill. I hope she didn't mind me asking her some questions on email (she didn't respond--but I also said I didn't expect her to) although she might have preferred that I waited until my session today. Don't know. I don't like being thrown with questions so giving people time and space to think about it (which is what I like) seemed like a good thing. We'll see. Today is the intake so I don't know if I will get a good sense of what she is like as a person or as a therapist. I don't know if we will get to my questions (depends on how long the intake is). I also need to ask her if she thinks she can help me but I will probably wait until session 2 or 3 to ask that. Stressful.

hugs, kit. i think it's a good thing to have sent questions in email too. i hope your session goes well today.

Artie this is my stylist Norman who I love. He made this post about a client who would come in so ashamed about her white hair. He loved seeing the change in her when she decided to stop hiding it and actually embraced it.

It's your hair and you do not have to please anyone. Please yourself!.

Linked below so you can get some hair inspo for next time.

The full post:

"One of the main reasons I’m obsessed with the work I do is because of the CONFIDENCE that great hair can give one’s self…

Sheetal was fed up of feeling like she had to cover up her white hairs after literally decades of fortnightly trips to the hairdressers and feeling bad about when a week later the 95% of full head greys were poking back…

Since the pandemic and people were not able to visit salons, I’ve had many.. MANY clients with natural white hair who dream of growing their colour out and embracing their beautiful grey/silvers but Sheetal is proof it was not built in a day but is sooo rewarding!

Nothing satisfies me more than seeing her without her hat on in the salon reception because she felt ashamed of her roots whilst they were growing out… she shines even more now and says she gets compliments everywhere she goes.."

THE NB 🌈 on Instagram: "COLOUR STORY ‼️‼️‼️

The funny thing is that once my needs were being met, once I had a secure attachment I suddenly felt so calm and soothed. All the knots I tied myself in to try and be "perfect" with my first t, all the times I I spent trying to meet her needs and follow the rules never got me anywhere. The insecure and unstable attachment I had was there to try and stop me being g abandoned but I was "abandoned" anyway and as it turns out it was the best thing for me.

Finding a T who could meet where I was meant I could work on the why. Instead of punishing myself or masking myself I found time to really work on the things I needed to.

You deserve to be helped, however that help appears, and your T is not skilled enough to help you. Deep down he knows it and I think you know it. Taking a break might be very healing for you. Finding out what else is out there might be what you need. You are not broken for having needs, you are not too much or too needy. There is something at the root that is worth exploring and I do not think this T has the ability to do that.

When I was with my first t no words would have convinced me to leave but being on the other side I can say very honestly that there is so much better out there and I really hope you find it. ❤️

I hope it goes well, Kit! I do think it could be reasonable to ask at the end (assuming she's done with the intake part) if she thinks she'd be able to help you. Though really, if she *doesn't* think she can help you (like if she has no expertise/background with the areas you need help in), then she shouldn't schedule another session!

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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty Spent some time chatting on the 988 hotline. Probably an hour or so. It was nice to be heard and taken seriously, without the other person freaking out on me. Hopefully that will get me through until my therapy session on Monday. We made a safety plan. So now I just gotta follow it. Easier said than done I suppose. But I am worth trying to do it.

I'm so glad you had a positive 988 experience, Kitty. Yes! You are worth it!

Therapy session with new potential therapist, K, was alright. It was an intake so kind of a lot of questions that I did my best to answer. I don't know if I described well my problems with my thoughts. (Delusions.) But we can discuss it further in other sessions to come. I didn't get a good sense of her because it was an intake session. She did answer my questions. She said she does CBT, guided imagery, mindfulness, and is eclectic. So that doesn't tell me much. Although the guided imagery and mindfulness might be good for my anxiety. Just a guess. She liked how much thought I put into my correspondence with her, regarding my history, my goals, and questions for her. I could hear her birds squawking in the background so she told me a little about them. It was a little distracting but hopefully it won't always be. But my next session with her isn't until the 1st, so that seems far away. She said she can definitely help me with some of my goals. For some of them she doesn't have an actual plan at the moment but she thinks together we can come up with one. I cancelled my session for tomorrow with the therapist I had been seeing. Which I guess was good. I got a response back from her saying she had taken a bad fall and had staples in her head and she isn't doing good. So I don't think she could have seen me tomorrow anyway. New potential therapist, K, said she has never worked with anyone who has Schizoaffective disorder but she said my goals seemed mostly to do with how to cope better and be healthier with life and she can help me with that. I wish my next session wasn't so far away. But I'll survive.

I wish people would stop taking diabetic meds for weight loss!!! I can never get it when I need it.

Hugs, Kit. I'm glad K seems to think you can come up with a plan together. Mindfulness, CBT, and guided imagery can all theoretically help with anxiety. Will you be able to see her weekly? And does she allow outside contact?

The therapist you'd been seeing seems to fall quite a bit. I'd be concerned about her health (like does she have balance issues, for example) or whether something else is going on in her life. If she has staples in her head, I imagine she'd need a bit more time before she could see you anyway. Are you planning on seeing her again for any sort of termination if you opt to stay with K? Though I imagine it's too soon to tell about K yet.

Ugh, I've heard this contributing to the short supply. It seems like they should prioritize them for people who need the medications for their original purpose, diabetes. I hope you can find some soon...

I also don't understand why drug companies can't keep up at times. There are also issues with some ADHD meds, like Adderall, but I don't think those are because of off-label uses, just a shortage. When we were trying a new med for D a couple months ago, her p-doc said she was avoiding the couple that were difficult to find (she's on Focalin now, which isn't).

Hi LT. yes she allows outside contact and said she would prefer to know when I SH between sessions instead of waiting until session for example. She also said if I think of other questions feel free to text her.

I think I will probably see the T I had been seeing one more time if things seem to go okay with K. But I am glad I cancelled tomorrow--plus she isn't up to it. She's kind of older. 70's and she has some health problems. Definitely too soon to tell her about K. Although K wanted me to terminate with T before I saw her but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Plus, she asked me about it but I was pretty vague in my answer.

HUGS Kit

Hey guys my first dream after the divorce went through was a house dream except instead of a house with lots of scary dark or murky rooms and many levels this house was a single storey house with no scary rooms. I hope the dark scary rooms reappear. Though my ex did send a email that skimmed through and it seems I laughed in his face at one point when he was trying to tell me how he felt when we separated, I dont have a really good memory but i am shocked i could of done this unless i was manic or otherwise unwell. I am trying put it in the past but i feel he is just trying to goad me. Anyway i am glad it is over and I thank you for the many years of support and i wish i had listened to you guys earlier re the abusive relationship and gaslighting but i thought it was all me and misinterpreting things.
Opps there i go forgetting i am not responsible for other peoples feelings.

I've been obsessing a bit about my session with new T, K. I know it is too soon to tell whether or not she will be good for me. The session is shorter than I am used to. 45 minutes. I am used to 50-55 minutes but that will probably be okay as I usually have trouble figuring out what to say the whole time. She didn't seem to be taking notes while we were on the doxy.me together so I assume she does her notes after the session. She did have my notes in front of me and she said she did some research both on schizoaffective and the medications that I am taking. I wish I had gotten a more "warm" feeling from her, although she didn't seem detached or anything. She didn't seem ultra-professional. But not unprofessional if that makes sense. Her birds were distracting but maybe they won't always be. She did disclose a little about her and says she does disclose some--which is okay. I don't mind as long as it doesn't become excessive. I mean, I am there to get help and get healthier, not to listen to the T drone on about themselves. I was pretty quiet/reserved/shy so that probably didn't help. I was trying to be more talkative but I was pretty nervous. I am wishing that the 1st (my next appointment) wasn't so far away. But I'll get through somehow.

I have been dealing with what I thought was plantar fasciitis for the past couple of months. A zillion doctor visits, buying expensive new shoes, started physical therapy, been on 4 different inflammatories (which hasn’t helped), do 20 min of stretches every day, twice a day. Only to find out this morning that it probably isn’t plantar fasciitis. So now I have to go back to my doctor to get a referral to a rheumatologist. Then get an appt with them. The constant pain I have been in for 6 weeks seems like it will never end.

I am also terrified that I will be diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, which can start with foot pain.
It is chronic and progressive, and of course has no cure.

I am completely done. I can not do this anymore.

HUGS velcro003

I kinda want to ask new T K if she has anything before 3/1 but I don't want to seem needy right out of the gate. So I am trying to utilize other resources to deal. Besides, with her just getting to know me, I don't know if it would be helpful anyway. I really hope I don't spiral and end up at the hospital or something.

Hugs, Velcro. I'm sorry you're dealing with the unknown right now and in pain. And have to wait to find out what it is. There isn't a cure for RA, but there are some treatments that help many people (my mom's best friend has it). Still hope it's something less serious.

I imagine it would be fine to ask, and she wouldn't see you as needy. Out of curiosity, was 3/1 the first time she offered you, like her next available? Even if so, there are often cancellations.

I'm so sorry you're in pain, velcro. I know somebody who had good luck with fish oil supplements for curbing some of the inflammation with what might be RA. May be worth a shot? I hope you find something that helps very soon.

She asked me if I wanted to see her weekly? I said okay. Then she said when am I available. I said pretty much any day except for Thursdays because I am very busy at work on Thursdays and she said how about 3/1? And I said okay but I have a GP appointment that day at 1 PM so she said how about 11 AM? I said okay. But in my head, mentally, I was like, ugh that's 9 days away.

I don't know. I guess I could ask her. The worst she can say is that she doesn't want to work with me. Or that she is going to refer me to someone else. Best case scenario is that she would give me an extra appointment this week.

I wish I knew what to do.

I really don't think she'd say she doesn't want to work with you just because you ask for an earlier session. I imagine it's a common request (I've certainly asked for it!) You could just say you're struggling with some things (without specifics) and ask if she possibly has anything earlier than 3/1.

Well, I emailed her. I'll see what she says. I guess it is worth the risk.

Evening, Couch.

I had a work meeting yesterday, and a senior colleague said 'I'm going to need to speak with Lost after the meeting.'

I don't know why I immediately felt like I'd done something wrong or been told off.

Is this just an anxiety issue, or a human quirk?

Turns out there's a problem with some paperwork, and I have to wait for her to figure it out.