Therapist response during extreme distress

I’m going through a little bit of a rupture with my T over his responses when I’m extremely distressed in sessions. I very much feel my reaction comes from my body not my brain and in those moments where I have no control over my emotions and I’m sobbing, I have absolutely no connection to him and it just feels like I’m completely alone.

I feel like he sits in silence (I find silence extremely triggering for my abandonment issues and he knows this), staring at the floor but he disagrees and says he does speak but clearly what he is saying is not being registered and is not enough for me to feel soothed. I then end up becoming more distressed by feeling emotionally abandoned by him and my distress becomes about what is happening in the room and not what I was originally upset about. I can’t really talk or explain when I’m in that state I just *feel* A lot.

He’s asked me what I would like him to say or do in those situations to try and forge some connection that might help to soothe my distress.

He is absolutely not willing to offer any kind of physical contact which is what I desperately crave. It feels like my nervous system won’t calm down without being held and my desire for touch feels like a physiological one, not an emotional one. But no matter how much I have pleaded my case and told him I *know* this would help and it would deepen the connection he won’t budge on this boundary. We can’t really even talk about the importance of touch now as it’s a topic that we both become defensive over.

So I guess what I’m looking for is suggestions of things that therapists have said or done that have helped in moments of extreme distress (sometimes suicidal moments) that doesn’t not involve physical contact. What has helped you? What warming and connecting things have your Ts said? Any ideas and thoughts would be much appreciated.